The social network phenomenon

[sKePTiKal]

HA! "like-minded fruitbats" -- ROTFLMAO!!!  Permission to use this?? I love it!

As to the feedback loop of needing validation and the "us" herd instinct - I've mostly wanted to be challenged by people who think differently than I do. I've wanted to study it... try to stand in their shoes... try to understand what it is that is important and of value in that person's strongly voiced or defended opinion and belief. Even when I strongly disagree with it.

I've spent my life trying to do this with my FOO, you know? To no avail, of course - no way for me to understand. So it's sort of refreshing to engage in this with someone who has real reasons and can talk about them intelligently and not just resort to "because I said so". My beloved D, being a case in point. Our politics are radically opposite. She tries not to engage in that topic, but a few times when she has... I'm listening... and I'm hearing that our viewpoints are not so far apart; we worry about the same things and the same things frustrate us and make us angry.... even as we hold different ideas about our favorite solutions utility. And we agree that we're ALLOWED choose different favorite solutions... so it doesn't come between us. Now, other people don't know that about us... and they respond by trying to smooth things out... or having an "uh-oh" moment... because they are conditioned to expect someone to "win" an argument. Neither of us cares if we win or lose... neither has to be "right"... we're BOTH looking for the something new, original, so-far-unthought-of possibility that "works"...

not many folks have the cohones to go toe to toe like that, shake hands or hug, and walk away still friends... but it sure is worth it! Especially, when you've had a parent who browbeat you into agreeing with them all the time, a parent who had to be always right -- my D's dad was like this, in her life.

[Guest]

PR I'd love it to think you might speak or write something I wrote.

What fascinates me is when people speak what I have said a while after the event and they think it's their own thought - a thought that they are gracing me with the benefit of (this is the sort of English up with which I will put).

I agree about seeking out those who may disagree; how else will we learn anything new? Ha, particularly about ourselves...

I find those extreme left-wingers interesting: the ones who are so right-wing in their solutions, but cannot see it: they're the ones who love to talk ideology but who won't countenance the pesky facts. Everything has to be black and white. The sort who will accuse you of racism for wanting to discuss the effects of immigration and so on. Very boring.

[debkor]

I haven't had a problem with soical network.  I do have FB with a small list of family and friends.  Alright I admit...Come on Down!! Your our Next Contenstant to the Price is Right!!  A game or two (and I suck at it) a few Happy Birthdays, look at pics , laugh at a status, like a comment....And I'm off.

I have connected with childhood/teen friends because of face book.  I don't think it would have been possible with out FB.  We haven't seen or spoken to each other in 20 something years. We live all over the United States but at one time we lived all in the same neighborhood and our years together, growing, were a huge part of our lives.

We have come full circle again and there is not one person that does not say.....I loved my childhood/teen years (and that was outside whatever went on in family).  We were bonded. I do remember (the scratch) draw some blood (your blood, my blood, we are bonded/family).  Oh Gawd! 


I met all you guys, afterall!!!! 
I think this is a neighborhood, we all have bonded, we all are growing, and we are all a huge part of each other's lives, I do believe (we even did your blood, my blood, we are bonded family) we connected our bleeding hearts.  Sure people have healed, moved on, but I Bet....(Dr. G, the people here before and after) will always be in one's heart (forever). I betcha!

Love
Deb

 

[sKePTiKal]

tt - don't feel bad, I think I forgot where I started with this... something about Ns, probably and how the medium encourages people to not even try to disguise their excessive ego-feeding. But like Deb, I have a smallish group of "friends" on FB - some from 5th grade even! - and since our family is spread all over god's green earth, it makes it so much easier to keep in touch.

My hubs resisted creating an account for a long time, but while searching for contact info for an old buddy of his I suggested FB - and sure enough, he found him... later called him... said friend just recently died suddenly. Hubs is now in the midst of re-connecting with his HS class to organize a reunion for their 40th, next year - online. His former co-workers are there, too... so he can KEEP those connections he thought he was giving up, to live here instead. That's a good thing! It's a real good thing for me, because he hasn't gone out of his way to try doing things by himself or make friends to hang out with sans moi, since retiring.

I guess, something my Nboss used to say about tech, is probably true: it's just a tool and becomes what you make of it. Some very, very good things have come about for me, because of facebook. There is a beach discussion board - used heavily by tourists and locals alike - and during hurricanes, it's our life-communication lines as long as there's internet service. It's our "town square" and has been used to rally the troops when someone needs help, etc.

So I guess ultimately, I have to agree that the method of being "social" isn't quite as important as the being that way! And that we probably will all find a comfy mix of methods to do this...

[Guest]

PR

the method of being "social" isn't quite as important as the being that way! And that we probably will all find a comfy mix of methods to do this...

Agreed, definitely, a comfortable way of being social. Although I worry less about my own being social than the bad behaviour of many people I know IRL who lack a certain knowledge of reciprocity and social acceptability.

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, there is that, FW...

I'm not going to go back to living under a rock, just because there might be an N in my next social event. In fact, I know there are Ns and I'm going anyway. I'm not giving Ns the wiggle-room to affect me... when I can. I have no other interactions with these people, than social...

which is a big difference from the impact my brother can have on me, when he flips into irrational passive-aggressiveness. There are degrees... people I can ignore... people I dare not ignore, but don't have to cater to and always have to protect my own best interests, when they're loony.

[Guest]

Yes PR. There will be at least one unstable and potentially N (or other disordered) person at my next social event. I intend to watch their effect on their adult child, the partners, the relatives and watch how the whole thing interacts and inter-interacts! And I might even take time out to watch my reactions . Yeah, when the nuts affect our kids, that's when we need to see things clearly because it's not easy. As for semi-Foo events and effects, I'm probably backing out of all of it. I don't need that kind of evil/stupidity in my life. Who does?

[Hopalong]

Huh! thought I posted this, but...

Just occurred to me that maybe WE'RE a social network.

Sorta.

Son of a gun.

Hops

[Guest]

Reckon we are sorta Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, the quality of people and the safety and respect for each other... here in THIS social network... is way different than the wide open free for all of say... facebook... unless one deliberately limits one's participation. Which, now that I think of it, is a good boundary exercise...

[Guest]

Agreed, although the stalking function isn't as good as on FB...errr