Hey, Hops.
Let's face it, when life hurts - it HURTS all over. And doing the brave thing, the enthusiasm, rah-rah cheerleader, go team go doesn't always feel right or "fit".
So, part 1: it has to be OK to just stay in bed for awhile, nurse the hurt, wallow in it - enough for whatever part of you believes this is going to help - to say, OK I'm over that now... or it worked/didn't work. I honestly think age has a bit to do with that as well. It's almost exciting (says hindsight) to think about starting over from scratch at building a life - even at 40 - because we are on that timeline where it looks like there's plenty of time to do what needs to be done.
It's a bit harder to be excited about this at 60 or more. I SWEAR, I can hear a little girl saying, where is, who is, the person who's going to come take care of me, the way I've taken care of others? She's dead serious, too. That early life deficit comes back to haunt us later on in life, if we have one. And of course it comes back with an added "feature" (sometimes known as a "bug" in technology) - FEAR.
Experience has taught us that being too trusting has downsides; that people (and especially businesses) don't think the same way we do - and often are deliberately deceitful. On the other hand, we so desperately seek that trusting relationship - that early primary caregiver level of feeling loved, heard and protected - that we feel we MUST risk "it all" to finally be able to experience that. Unwise choices are most frequently found in effort expended from desperation. When that doesn't turn out the way we hope... we really do need a time to turtle inward and heal up and figure out what we're doing wrong.
S'ok... it's nature's way. I have such a fear of being "stuck" in something like that, that I don't allow myself (much) time to really "be" in those darker places. It helps if you have a trusted someone to go there with you, that knows to not propose solutions and just wallow in the vagaries and ironies of life and that it has a set, agreed to time limit, going into a "session". 1 evening, 1 day, 1 week... per month. And just go sit on the edge, look into the abyss, and BE with all of that part of you and your life. It's not "bad"... it's just a part of you that needs heard, too.
Modern sensibilities think that's an awful damn thing, and does everything in it's power to punish us for doing it and warn us of the danger. Well, "hope" based in nothing more than "tomorrow is another day and everything will look different" is also dangerous. I go against the modern prescription of "fake it till you make it" because there really is a benefit and positive result out of having a "dark night of the soul". Allowing yourself this, to go into it right to the edge of that abyss... and then SIT THERE, LOOKING at it... and hell, not even thinking. Just letting the tapes auto-play until you're so tired & bored of it, you get up and walk away. This takes a type of discipline - that I think you have inherently, Hops. A natural kindness that will wake up and blossom again, once you've bled all the "infection" away.
So, you know, that's why the amazons exist - and why we keep a fire going - so that when it's someone else's turn to do this, we're ready to wrap our protection around them and sit quietly on the edge of the abyss with them. Magically, there is everything we need during those times. And no weakness or shame or "giving up" involved in that periodic need to visit the "dark side"... while the wounds heal.
(((((Hopsy)))))
