This is a great topic. I have to say that I related to every word in Lighter's first post. Yes, it IS inside us, especially those of us who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (I'm guessing many, if not all children of Ns have some level of anxiety). In a case like that, it's a true biological condition that we can only hope to manage, but never cure. We stress over managing our stress, a cycle that's so hard to break.
My stress has been managed well at times, while sometimes so bad that it's been disabling. It was definitely easier to manage when I was working full time, probably because my mind was so occupied with work. I find that the more free time I have, the harder it is to control stress. You'd think the opposite would be true, but in my case, a mind at rest is just a sponge that's ready to soak up all the bad stuff. The horror show we're experiencing in the States right now has really pegged my stress level. Those racist, vile comments that you talked about on Internet forums is definitely a trigger. I know that I need to stop reading them, but at the same time, I also feel that I need to read the news in order to stay informed. Why is it so hard to ignore those comments? It's like a horrible trainwreck that you can't turn away from. I imagine that issue is probably causing anxiety on a global scale. It really is awful. I don't think that particular problem is going to go away anytime soon, so we'll all need to figure out a way to look in the opposite direction.
I've also had old memories that were long buried come back to haunt me. Things that happened when I was only five years old, now back with startling clarity. Tupp, I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer the trauma of rape. I'm not sure how one copes with that. I was sexually assaulted a few years back, just groped, so minor in comparison. Still, that moment will be with me for the rest of my life. I think that's a given with any trauma. Have you thought of writing about it? If you like to write, a good essay on your experience might act as a release, with the bonus of offering comfort to other women. I need to practice what I preach, though. My writing instructor is always encouraging me to write essays, and I just procrastinate. That's a whole other problem that needs to be dealt with.
Because my mind needs a distraction, I'm trying to avoid situations where I'm alone, bored, and open to dwelling on things. Human contact is always good. That one can be a challenge for me since I'm no longer working, but just getting outside, walking the dog, and chatting with neighbours does so much to lift my spirits and take me out of that dark place.
I've also been going to my psych a lot more in recent months. Unfortunately, her time is so limited, I always feel rushed, but I also feel much better for having gone.
When I'm alone, two things that distract me in a positive way are reading (good novels, not news), and music. Music is probably the biggest healer for me. Putting on some favourite songs, and just dancing around a little, that can take me to another place. Sometimes it even helps to listen to songs that have depressing lyrics about abuse or whatever, but I relate to them, and they bring me comfort. Does that sound weird? You mentioned your drumming, and I think that's great. There's something magical about music, whether listening to it or creating it. I think we should all put on a favourite record today and dance. ABBA, anyone?
