Heist on Something....

[Hopalong]

Hmmm. Just looked at my own profile description and about the other, notice I wrote: "Honesty, kindness, a sense of humor and love of people lead my list." I think B was very honest. I think he cares about people in the sense of long, loyal relationships. But I didn't find him kind to people--he was very socially gracious when he'd meet people but I could often sense disapproving judgments streaming through him at times. And though he could laugh, his sense of humor was very labored.

(He's probably thinking back on my flaws too, deservedly.)

Anyway, just trying to remind myself to keep what I care about up front.

[Twoapenny]

I think getting straight back to meeting someone (more than one someone?) for a quick, no expectations drink is a great idea, Hops.  It's is difficult; I think none of us likes to think we're wasting time with someone who ultimately won't turn out to be 'the one' but equally we don't like to go into the situation with a checklist and a written guarantee.  I do remember years ago complaining to my T about some of the guys I was going out on dates with at the time and about them not being compatible enough/serious enough/ having too much baggage/not having kids of their own etc, etc and she said "can't you just go and have fun?"  And I didn't feel that I could, because the whole hassle of getting a sitter, finding the money to pay for it all, leaving my son (who already at that point was having problems) made me feel that I didn't have time to waste.  So I do get the urgency or the frustration of wanting to know whether or not someone is worth a lot of time and effort.  So yes, I do think questions are just a good way to find out more about people (and equally I really warm to people who, when I ask them lots of questions will interrupt me and say "we keep talking about me - what about you".  I think the poverty stricken retirement phase is very natural to worry about, Hops - I don't worry about myself so much but I do worry endlessly about my son and what will happen to him once I am gone.  So I think looking into that future and not knowing what it holds is hard.  But equally you have people who lead charmed lives and probably don't give the older years a second thought and then some sort of horrible disaster strikes - we just never know.  So I think getting straight back out there is a good idea - nice walk with pooch and some nice drinks sounds like a good plan for the summer xx

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Tupp.

I think you spotted the undercurrent of anxiety.
I need to remind myself I was getting along okay on my own, not perfectly but functionally. And remember to look at any future man as a possible addition to my life, not the rescue of it.

And fun? That would be awesome.
For me, easy verbal communication's a biggie.
Not perfect but not a huge struggle.

Truly appreciate the cheering up and reminders that life is to be lived, not dreaded.

Organizer lady coming later and she always bucks me up too.

xxxooo
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Thanks, Tupp.

I think you spotted the undercurrent of anxiety.
I need to remind myself I was getting along okay on my own, not perfectly but functionally. And remember to look at any future man as a possible addition to my life, not the rescue of it.

And fun? That would be awesome.
For me, easy verbal communication's a biggie.
Not perfect but not a huge struggle.

Truly appreciate the cheering up and reminders that life is to be lived, not dreaded.

Organizer lady coming later and she always bucks me up too.

xxxooo
Hops

I find I miss things a lot more just after I've had or encountered them.  If I've been out with friends then I feel more alone at home than I would have done if I hadn't seen anyone that day.  My brief couple of dates with a bloke earlier this year left me yearning for a partner.  If I have a good night's sleep I miss feeling good even more the next time I sleep badly.  I think it's normal to feel that way.

As for an addition to one's life, I think that's the big thing.  When you've been on your own, coped with x, y and z, earnt your own money, got through your tough times and so on and so on, I think the bar gets raised higher.  When I was first alone - many years ago - my standards dropped because I just wanted someone, so I excused bad behaviour or ignored things about a person that I didn't like.  Inevitably things ended anyway and as time went on I started to realise I preferred being on my own to being with just anyone.  Now I find there are very few people whose company I prefer to my own and I think that can be why it feels hard to meet someone - they need to be pretty amazing to be an added bonus to the life of Hops, and it does mean there will be fewer guys like that out there.  But I think he's out there somewhere, Hops.  Did you ever read Bridges of Maddison County?  Soppy doppy romance is not usually my thing but I loved that book, largely because of the respect they both had for each other's decisions.  They were both on different life paths and there was such a strong bond between them that it lasted until they both passed away - real once in a lifetime stuff.  I do think there's someone out there.  But he has to be pretty special to be good enough to become Mr Hops xx

[sKePTiKal]

Not long ago, I read an article about people who contract their time/writing skills to people who simply won't take the time to manage the online dating scenario themselves. The "goal" is to get as many phone numbers and first dates as possible. These companies believe that statistically, going out with as many people as possible will guarantee that a "relationship" blossoms eventually.

https://qz.com/1247382/online-dating-is-so-awful-that-people-are-paying-virtual-dating-assistants-to-impersonate-them/

Many times, a female writer will impersonate a male online, to establish that attraction/interest that leads to that first date. What the article - nor the companies - reveal is how many really awful "pairings" come out of this arrangement. How could a person tell, if you're really interacting with the profile that's listed??

About the only thing I find those sites useful for now, is reminding myself that are a lot of single guys in my area. My next thought is always: and WHY are they single? LOL.

The viking's disappearance doesn't matter to me. I felt like we were simply passing the time in a pleasant way... and not really moving toward a relationship. Even though he seemed interested in meeting, if I was passing by his location. And that conversation - a lot of "getting to know you" stuff - was the only time I found anyone not wanting to immediately jump into bed, possessiveness, or was a total fraud, like the first guy that set my radar off. The online environment simply doesn't encourage a one on one conversation of any value; just random flirty one-liners... or demands to meet/phone/email.

Whatever. To each their own. But I'm left with a sense of disappointment in the whole medium. It's not at ALL compatible with me or my style of seeking out a companion -- and I'm fairly accomplished/skilled at connecting with people online. It just seems........ really shallow. And I have survived this long without needing shallow relationships... LOL. I'm going to have to figure out another way to hang out and possibly meet guys I MIGHT be interested in.

[lighter]

((((Hops)))). Sorry it ended with sadness , but glad you tried.  There are deep lessons in these low spots.  Perhaps you and Bill will take and run somewhere wonderful with what you've learned.  I really hope so.

As for getting right back on the horse....you are an Amazon!  Ride, Hops, ride.  This is your life.  Ask for what you want....
be open to receiving. 

You might meet the right one at the grocery store, vet office, or online.  The right companion should feel....
right.
::Nod::.
Sorry I've been away. 
Lighter

[Hopalong]

I just got the sweetest and most gracious note from B (not Bill!  ).

He said he was getting through the surprise and disappointment and "acceptance of loneliness" which I thought was a very wise thing to say. And he thought my decision was probably right for the long run but still wished we could have worked through our differences. He was glad we opened up so much to each other and learned so much from each other, and may call occasionally to see how I'm doing.

That touched me very much. Made it both easier and harder at the same time.

xxoo
Hops

[lighter]

Wowsers..... amazing.  A man who can accept rejection, of a sort, with Grace, dignity and poise.

That touched my heart to read too, Hops.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Was going to add new dating stories here but love how Lighter summed it up about B.
So I'll yammer on about dating, or some semblances, on another.

Hops

[Hopalong]

B called yesterday and it felt so nice to talk to him.
He's doing okay. Playing golf with a neighbor lady so
maybe something nice will happen for him right where
he lives. I hope so.

I could tell he's still missing me acutely. I have missed
him too but as every week passes, less. There's part of
me that still regrets I was just unable to "assimilate" who
is naturally is, though I know I made the right call.

I made him laugh out loud (harder than I've ever heard)
when I said I was doing pretty well but am going to have
to put my pooch in therapy. They were SO simpatico.

Felt good to hear him laugh and bittersweet to hear him.
But still....the river's flowing. Forward and away.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

B called yesterday and it felt so nice to talk to him.
He's doing okay. Playing golf with a neighbor lady so
maybe something nice will happen for him right where
he lives. I hope so.

I could tell he's still missing me acutely. I have missed
him too but as every week passes, less. There's part of
me that still regrets I was just unable to "assimilate" who
is naturally is, though I know I made the right call.

I made him laugh out loud (harder than I've ever heard)
when I said I was doing pretty well but am going to have
to put my pooch in therapy. They were SO simpatico.

Felt good to hear him laugh and bittersweet to hear him.
But still....the river's flowing. Forward and away.

Hops

It would be nice for you to be friends, Hops, and maybe do coffee and a dog walk every now and again.  He sounded like a nice guy, just not the right one for you xx