NY Season

[Hopalong]

RESOLUTION-FREE ZONE.

However, hopes/wishes/thoughts/insights/changes....all welcome here!

I don't do "resolutions" because it sets me up for shame when/if I fail. But I do have hopes.
Some feel fainter with age in some ways, but a few of them are a little stronger.

Fainter:
Finding a life partner. Do have an upcoming date, sweet fellow, but for the first time in a while I have recently felt the likelihood fade. Been trying on, what if this is just how it is, living alone indefinitely...and working on more acceptance of that possibility.

Financial security. Have taken a huge hit so far with the market and my wee nest egg has a big hole in it. I know it may get worse before it gets better and yet, for me, withdrawing everything makes no sense. I'm not someone who can or will time and track and spot and pick. Had a talk with the TIAA advisor and he convinced me I'm very well diversified and long haul is still the best thinking. I hope that's not knee-jerk how anyone in his profession thinks. They've been wrong before. But I don't see a better option for myself, honestly. Had thoughts of building a wee cottage on the back lot (zoning would allow) as an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) or a wing on my house...but either effort would devour it all and be illiquid. Friend who knows $$ urges me not to.

Stronger:
Getting wee step by step back into more enjoyment of/attention to my home. Out of loneliness, I think, I stopped believing that my little decor or domestic efforts had any meaning. Stopped feeling joy in it. Why bother, go back to bed (obvs depression thinking). But....my couch will be back soon, transformed with the deep aqua fabric and lemon-yellow mid-century-mod legs...and I find myself quite excited about it. Maybe the drying rack got me going again. I need Amber/Lighter attitude. And I need to entertain more. Soup supper nights, whatever. I need to bring more people in more often, since going out to eat/meet all the time is growing unaffordable.

Decluttering. Since finding the affordable friend-of-friend to help now and then, more hopeful. Bought a used monitor, bigger, locally...and am imagining again that the Writer Study could actually become that serene space I dreamed of when I first figured out the room. So, hope there.

Health. Been walking more, eating better. Nearly entirely off dairy and eggs (unless I'm out). Have the preventive supervised exercise program starting end of month. I am sobered by the effects of the two years of serious sedentariness (weaker legs, quicker fatigue, etc) but beginning to push back. And there's a weekly Tai Chi class at my church I may begin tomorrow.

Mental health. Feeling very good about new T after two sessions. If she can help me get further unstuck (so I take actions in life rather than just have insights in my head) I will be so relieved.

I like the NY feelings.

love
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

You know, this is one of the few times NY's has come around that I'm really glad to see the back side of the past year get worked down into a summary of lists and "10" best & worst stuff. Glad to see you wound up the Helliday thread... and we're probably all breathing with a little relief that THAT'S over for another year.

The wind is blowing all the OLD energy out today. Next cyber-stop today, is checking on the weather; my spidey senses tell me there's a change on the way.

And then, I'll probably need a new journal thread and will let the old farm thread morph into something else.

[lighter]

RESOLUTION-FREE ZONE.

However, hopes/wishes/thoughts/insights/changes....all welcome here!

I don't do "resolutions" because it sets me up for shame when/if I fail. But I do have hopes.
Some feel fainter with age in some ways, but a few of them are a little stronger.

Fainter:
Finding a life partner. Do have an upcoming date, sweet fellow, but for the first time in a while I have recently felt the likelihood fade. Been trying on, what if this is just how it is, living alone indefinitely...and working on more acceptance of that possibility.
I noticed some things happen when we're least expecting them.  From pregnancies, to relationships, to job opportunities, and surviving things other people don't. like not getting on a flight that goes down, etc.  Go ahead, accept it won't happen.  The universe has a strange sense of humor, ime. 

One more thing about that.  Do you know people who've been married over and over and over, into old age?  I do.  I mean, married and remarried into their 80's.  I have to ask myself why some people do that.  In the case I'm thinking about, the woman wasn't particularly charming, or easy to get along with, or brilliant, or what society tells us is perfectly shaped, and coiffed. None of those things.  I think she was used to being married, and wanted to be married.  I think she'd find herself married no matter what her circumstances, bc she doesn't know how to live any other way.   

Financial security. Have taken a huge hit so far with the market and my wee nest egg has a big hole in it. I know it may get worse before it gets better and yet, for me, withdrawing everything makes no sense. I'm not someone who can or will time and track and spot and pick. Had a talk with the TIAA advisor and he convinced me I'm very well diversified and long haul is still the best thinking. I hope that's not knee-jerk how anyone in his profession thinks. They've been wrong before. But I don't see a better option for myself, honestly. Had thoughts of building a wee cottage on the back lot (zoning would allow) as an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) or a wing on my house...but either effort would devour it all and be illiquid. Friend who knows $$ urges me not to. I noticed a company is building and flat packing tiny homes... saw it somewhere on the net.  Maybe you could research building that little cottage, and renting out your home, as Airbnb, or longterm rental. I don't think that's a bad idea or good idea.  I think it's an idea to look into, and consider.
 Certainly, living on the property would make managing it easier.  Maybe you could offer services like meal prep, and turn down service, stocking the fridge, etc, to increase profit margins.  I'm doing that research for the island now, and I only wish I could be closer than 2 plane rides, 4 taxis, and a ferry ride just to access my property. 

I'm sending a SUPER HOST from Airbnb to the island in February to give me feedback, check out the housekeeper's work, and provide lists of changes, and items I need to add.  Her unit, close to where I live now, is booked nearly 365 days a year at $120.00 a night.  It's a small basement apartment with a tiny kitchen...it's only one room, and a bathroom.  I'd imagine your town is similar to ours, regarding tourism.  She rents out her unit outside the Airbnb company once she's made that contact.  It's a reliable stream of income.  Something to think about.   

Stronger:
Getting wee step by step back into more enjoyment of/attention to my home. Out of loneliness, I think, I stopped believing that my little decor or domestic efforts had any meaning. Stopped feeling joy in it. Why bother, go back to bed (obvs depression thinking). But....my couch will be back soon, transformed with the deep aqua fabric and lemon-yellow mid-century-mod legs...and I find myself quite excited about it. Maybe the drying rack got me going again. I need Amber/Lighter attitude. And I need to entertain more. Soup supper nights, whatever. I need to bring more people in more often, since going out to eat/meet all the time is growing unaffordable.
I don't know about Amber, but I have plenty of escape moments... just working in the yard is escape for me.  I long for more of it, but have other business to tend to.  Things I hate doing.  I'm battling the same things you battle, in my own way, and have similar lists I put off likely.
 
Your post reminds me that I looked at my bathroom ceiling this morning with energy, and excitement to paint the ceiling.  It's still not painted after I had it skimmed, and made flat... popcorn had to go, and it did, and I could have painted that so easily, but did not.  That's not a shrug for me.
 That's a worry.  Call it what you will, but I do other things, like you. 

About friends and entertaining.  I'm conflicted, bc I long for that too, but when I have it there's some regret, and unhappiness around that too.  It's in my head, not in their company.  I've enjoyed other people, and company... SO MUCH JOY, then the next visit I'm torn, and despairing that I have to do it at all.  Like I said, it's in my head.  I need to figure out if it's the mix of people, the time between asking them, and having the gathering.... just DOING it is better for me.  Making plans ahead often means I'm despairing as the date arrives.  Not sure what that is, just sure it's me, not them.  I'd like to figure out what brings joy,  and do more of it.  Less of what creates anxiety.

Decluttering. Since finding the affordable friend-of-friend to help now and then, more hopeful. Bought a used monitor, bigger, locally...and am imagining again that the Writer Study could actually become that serene space I dreamed of when I first figured out the room. So, hope there. You could put that study together.  Ask the affordable foaf to dive into THAT, just that, and get it done quickly if your heart feels deserving, and excited about it, is my advice.  I can see it for you.  I think it would be good for your soul, and writing, to have that space, but you'll get to it when it's time.

Health. Been walking more, eating better. Nearly entirely off dairy and eggs (unless I'm out). Have the preventive supervised exercise program starting end of month. I am sobered by the effects of the two years of serious sedentariness (weaker legs, quicker fatigue, etc) but beginning to push back. And there's a weekly Tai Chi class at my church I may begin tomorrow.
Yay for Tai Chi.  I  wish I'd taken classes all these years.  Yay for stretching, and going out of doors with your pooch companion. 

Mental health. Feeling very good about new T after two sessions. If she can help me get further unstuck (so I take actions in life rather than just have insights in my head) I will be so relieved.  Please share those insights, as they happen.  I'm very interested, Hops!

I like the NY feelings. I'm so glad.  Happy New Year to you.  Lighter

love
Hops

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Lighter. After going through loads of shame over being a double-divorcee, I pondered Liz Taylor and decided that she really really really believed in marriage! I think I do too since it worked so well for my parents, but I am feeling more peace about my reality. As you say, good stuff sometimes comes when it's not being watched for. I do feel more engaged in life when I'm not yearning for much. But I'll keep on casual coffee dates because why not. I enjoy hearing life stories and meeting people regardless, and male people are still interesting to me.

I have a friend, 70ish, who's gotten herself a live-in boyfriend in double-time after widowhood and it's saddening me. She absolutely cannot handle being alone, and so has rushed in with a not-very-kind man. He's not a brute but he's not appreciating her kind heart and amazing mind, either. Makes me bristle when he dominates conversations and does his mansplaining thing. But he has his own sufferings. I am glad that she has NOT married him, so maybe her instincts are improving (she put up with physical abuse in a prior relationship for far too long). So her situation is a reminder to me that the happy-marriage fantasy can be a horrible shock when one wakes up in a real, and really unhappy, relationship.
All I can do is support her. And think.

Short answer to your cottagey B&B fantasy for me (very kind!) is that I can't do an addition or tiny hosue without completely emptying a very small retirement nest egg, which everyone advises me not to consider doing. The servicing of a B&B is not something I would enjoy or be too good at. Simpler to putz along frugally as is.

Made huge strides with the decluttering today with the inexpensive-friend's help, we talked and sipped Southern Comfort and blitzed through a lot of stuff in the Writing Room. I am high on happies about that. I binge-watched the ENTIRE Marie Kondo series on Netflix on NY Day. It was sublime.

xxoo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Well, Hol has made sure there is a constant stream of people around here the past month. Our "resident house guest" fits in pretty well. We don't have any timetable for him moving on and reinventing his life yet - but after a week of almost daily "group therapy sessions" (which have gone all kinds of places; all kinds of things said "out loud" - only to be dissected, disputed, admitted or accepted, refuted, etc) last night's conversation found him actually feeling/expressing positive things. We had a very enjoyable conversation, only touching on the personal experiential stuff and talking about other things. It's fun to be around smart, emotionally intelligent/sensitive people. We talked a little about this morning; just observing there was a shift.

But even fun "gets old"... and I am appreciating how much good it's done me to just "do" and not have anyone commenting on it - good, bad or indifferent. Ah... solitude. Ah... learning to delegate or letting others help me... and things I guard closely because I want to do them myself.

I have a feeling we may be "adopting" him into the phamily... Hol plays with him like a brother; he's met her new sweetie. But hopefully, he will begin to see his way forward again. He's had a pretty successful career as a photographer. I'll need to ask him, if he was still working in that area- or if he had another job. We've made him laugh out loud and not be able to stop more than once. We've let him talk about experiences in gory detail and how he feels about it... and smothered him in hugs.

Part of Hol's strategy was to invite enough people over time, that she didn't have to live with only her own ruminations/awareness of not being in her relationship and with his family over the holidays. The resident house guest reached out to her after those plans were in the works... the same day she heard the news that one of her friends had killed himself. Turns out, she was aware of the loss of relationship anyway - and it didn't impact her like she thought it would. Not in the face of the suicide.

No idea what they're laughing about up there incessantly... but it sounds like they're laughing at themselves and each other. This seems like a pretty quick improvement and seems like it's "taking" for our guest and was just what he needed - no demands, security, acceptance.

Still have to deal with the problem of futility of "reasoning" with an N/PD-disordered person... but that can happen later as long as he's not holding himself responsible for "not getting it" and it not making sense.

And Amber is getting a thorough work-out on boundaries... and relaxing with them. Just about time for me to "do" again today... Hols' friends are bringing 40 assorted fireworks mortars; LOL. My neighbors are going to hate me. Fortunately they aren't really close; sounds just carry out here.

[lighter]

I hope your pooches, and kitties are OK with the fire works, Amber. 

Our Belgian Malinois was so upset one year, he had cold tail, which means his tail was limp, paralyzed, for days.  It was very upsetting for him, and I wish I'd given him a sedative.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Amber, two things:
1) you sound like you really wish you'd become a therapist, or enjoy doing that more than much
2) you are still an introvert and perhaps feeling over-run? (Beware the charming house guest who never leaves...be careful, despite the welcome giggles....)

I guess we don't need to worry though, do we? You'll be okay about determining the right balance for you between adoring being the matriarch of a visiting-young compound, but not taken undue advantage of???

I am a crashing bore.

Lighter,
Ow. His poor tail.

Hugs both,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

No, I don't wish to claim the role of a therapist. I think that would be disastrous for me & anyone I tried to take through that process. But, what we do here... that I can do. And it seems there is some need for it to exist in the wider world; to be available.

Ya, you betcha I feel over-run... so I've been announcing time-outs for me.

[Hopalong]

Amen to both, girl. You can therapise me any time! And your 3D friends are very lucky people.

I'm really happy hearing you're seriously taking what refreshment...time, health, rest...you need for YOU.

xxoo
Hops