Thanks. I'm reminded of how much work this is... we're both getting pretty tired. The odd, middle of the night, sit up in bed and not be able to go back to sleep dreams are starting too. We are getting up at the same time... so I can only imagine my "mom brain" is subconsiously picking up on her distress... and reacting. None of it is rational fears fueling it; just the loose, untethered imaginative what-ifs. Which is, in it's own way, another form of processing methinks.
With almost all the pieces of before this particular of knowledge still kind of up in the air and settling back down into a new pattern, it's easy to feel ungrounded, discombobulated and out of sorts. Yet we're still managing that pretty well... surfing it. Both of us know it takes time for new patterns to emerge... and while it's possible to TRY to arrange it per a preconceived notion, in reality the power of the pattern's inherent organization is way outside our control. That's why: Adapt and Overcome is the motto around here.
Adapt to reality and overcome our internal ideas/resistance - and keep zeroing in on doing the "right thing" as close to the "right time" as we can.
The current vehicle debacles... is part & parcel of that adjustment. My grace period for dealing with maintenance issues after Mike's passing and moving ran out. Of course I was aware; of course I simply procrastinated as I was involved in so many other things - that I could justify as "more important" and that made it a "can't" for me to just knuckle down and deal with it. It is indeed, way more difficult to manage living as far out as I am. But it isn't impossible.
While we have a pretty comfortable cushion here, where we can ignore civilization for an extended time... we aren't THAT self-sufficient yet. It will take dedicated work & learning about new things & cooperation over the next 5 years or so, to just bump that capability up to the next level. There are still lots of things I need to discover, gauge as to reliability, and get over the fact that nothing is "convenient" about this lifestyle. There are definitely things I can create to replace the convenience of suburbia that are effectively successful. But as Tupp's realizes - it takes time to move new habits into "how the things get done" around here.
I rather like times like this (despite my frustrations and protestations and whining) - where the old/new are jumbled together and things aren't totally in my "comfort zone"... flying by the seat of my pants and making up "new" as I go along, to see by trial and error what works, and what doesn't. Eventually that sinks into my hard head, over the persistant whining about "what I want" and somehow being able to magically will it into existence. My local farm boys are a big help validating my understanding of that process... what kinds of inputs need to go into it... and giving me big grins as I start to figure it out. Absolutely none of them think I'm helpless, feeble or clueless about what I'm choosing to do and how I go about it. We're all working within the conditions provided by mother nature and trying to find the best balance possible.
