Author Topic: Just a quick question :)  (Read 390 times)


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4645
Just a quick question :)
« on: October 16, 2019, 01:48:58 PM »
I'm calling on my wise ladies to tell me what to do - more changes are afoot with the group that I've been involved with.  I'd already decided to ease myself out gently as I've been doing a lot of unpaid work and then things are changed after everyone's agreed on them so I've decided to take a back seat but more emails have arrived today with more proposed changes that I don't think are a good idea, but the other committee members are all in agreement.  Should I speak or should I keep quiet and just not get involved?  I'm inclined to just not get involved, I don't need the drama.  Do you think that's the right thing to do? xx


  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 158
Re: Just a quick question :)
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2019, 03:30:31 PM »
Hi Two a Penny,
I think what is most important is where you are at......
If you feel you don't agree with what is going on that is a big issue.....
because you would have to defend where you are at!!!
It reminds me of dealing with my  N mother.....I knew I would never win.
But you know these people and you need to make the best decision for yourself here!!
All the best on this decision....


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4998
Re: Just a quick question :)
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2019, 03:34:23 PM »
Tupp, I think I'd simply stand aside... turn over any files you have and inform them if you simply can't make all those new changes. And walk away. You don't really want to be their unpaid volunteer nor have your opinions as a group member completely ignored. So, don't explain or offer to explain. Just hand what you have to them and walk away.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7957
Re: Just a quick question :)
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2019, 08:52:13 PM »

What does your gut tell you?

I can see you making any choice you like.

Hand over the files, give them a friendly opinion, and continue hanging with them, bc they're genuinely nice people.

Hand over files, say nothing about the bad ideas,  and continue hanging with them.

Hand over files, and take a break from them... see how you feel.

I really thought they were a good connection.  They might still be. 

Let us know what you decide.  It's up to you.



  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13278
Re: Just a quick question :)
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2019, 10:02:56 PM »
more proposed changes that I don't think are a good idea

For me, if I'd like to share my opinion, the best thing for me to do is write it up quickly and then go back to edit for tone. For example, if I've said:

Idea X is really a bad idea because [Consequence Y I can foresee]

I'd quickly edit it to be non-accusatory and/or judgemental (iow, "you have had a bad idea" -- the word "bad" usually results in defensiveness in humans) and say instead:

I feel concerned about Idea X, because I imagine Consequence Y might be likely. What do you think?


Note it is about "I statement". I feel concern, I imagine...and still expressing respect for others' thoughts.

Basically, imo, this would be worth doing if you like the people and would like to remain open to the possibility of it becoming a good thing in your life to know them. If you don't feel that way, then as Amber said, I'd bail.

Hope that helps.

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4645
Re: Just a quick question :)
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2019, 01:44:46 AM »
Thank you all, for your very helpful suggestions, which I was still thinking about - when another email came through and the changes have been made and put in place before I'd even responded to the message that proposed them :) Lol so my feelings over the situation are irrelevant because it's done.  I think I will just keep plodding on with what I need to do and let everyone else get on with what they're doing :)  People are funny.  But not you guys!  You guys are ace, thank you :) xx xx