Hi Seasons!
It's hard. I think those family ties can be incredibly complicated even in 'normal' families (whatever that means!). Add narcissistic type stuff to the mix as well and it becomes something even more difficult to manage.
Personally I think saying goodbye is what we should all do in our own way, and I don't think n relatives should be given fuel to drive their egos on those sort of days. I've not gone to any family gatherings since cutting contact with my mum - some relatives have stayed in touch in a limited way outside of big get togethers and I've sent cards or messages as I've felt appropriate. No-one told me my uncle had died - I wasn't close to him but I would have sent a card to his widow just so she knew I was thinking of her. I think do whatever you need to to get through this time - avoid the drama, go for walks, paint, listen to music, get drunk, whatever works best. Give yourself time and space and understanding, most importantly. It's very hard, particularly when someone passing is both a sad event but also one that gives a sense of relief. That's hard to explain to people. Hold yourself close, is my theory, and give yourself the support that sadly, your family probably won't give you xx
