Author Topic: What's New for 2020?  (Read 10062 times)

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #465 on: July 03, 2020, 12:48:34 PM »
Hello, Tup:

I'm reading along your journey and enjoying it.   So many options, or lack thereof, but you'll dig in and figure it out. This time with more experience, more spaciousness to expansively SEE what's there, and organize it without hurry or running away.  Just.... seeing the entire field, for once. 

I'm spitballing, bc I have lots, but it strikes me the government websites are so difficult to navigate BC they want them to be.  They have fewer people to deal with if most of them can't navigate the site or the information isn't there at all.  Sad, but true, I'm afraid. 

I remember once trying to report child abuse and finding very little information on how to go about it... just..... impossible to understand, bc I thought it would be easy.  I thought there would be a clear way forward.  There wasn't. 

Do you have any experience with grant writing?  Does anyone?  Are there grants given for putting together sites, like the one that's missing in your area and interest?

I have no idea, but I can imagine THAT is a worthy endeavor for so many people, on so many levels. 

I look forward to your day trips gathering information. 

I especially look forward to your research on possible choices for your son.  I've mentioned my Aunt's sister has her son in a living situation where all the residents live and work together...  each assigned jobs.  The nephew is SO happy to BE there.  He visits his mother, but always wants to go back to his home, and friends and particularly his jobs.  He loves it.  What a blessing!  The list was long and the mom said NO the first time her son's name came up.  The next time she said YES, and it's a really good situation.... I know they don't have money, so it must be State funded. 

The other positive aspect is the home and carers help the nephew eat healthier.  His mother gives him whatever he asks for, and he gets it, bc he's in a pattern of throwing tantrums she can't deal with.  He knows she'll give in, and he escalates will she does.  That's not good, bc he's suffering with health issues and obesity.

I hope this post brings you a bit of comfort and not more anxiety.  I really do.  I have such good feelings about future change for you.  You're so worthy.  You're in a better position to think it through and look ahead farther than before.

Lighter


Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #466 on: July 03, 2020, 01:56:00 PM »
Lighter, with a good deal of background, I zeroed in on your idea for Tupp. GENIUS idea, that...grant writing!!!

(Tupp, sorry to discuss you indirectly. All done!)

Tupp. Grant-writing is an amazingly excellent kind of fit for you, I believe. And I gotta plan.

Figure out few organizations (FIRST stipulate to yourself: They're imperfect, illogical, and staffed by annoying but well-intentioned humans) that you really like, in terms of agreeing/interest in the missions.

Research appropriate foundations or programs that issue grants along those lines (or are generally geared in that direction). WRITE the organization and ask if they would consider a VOLUNTEERED grant proposal (explain your target foundation or donor), to take or leave. If they say Yes, do one! (One wee success in grant-writing and you've got your bona fides for new and beneficial and socially-distanced work for as long as you want it. There's a huge demand. I've been involved in things where somebody about 75 was writing/editing grants for non-profits. It's a deeply needed skill, and few folks write/edit/research well enough to do a polished job. YOU COULD.)

There's so much online about nonprofit grant-writing. Training, workshops, certifications, etc.

I just think it sounds like a remarkable fit. And I could be incredibly way off as usual. Just a thought!

DO ignore this suggestion if it's off-base. (And thanks to Lighter for the hunch!)

hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: July 03, 2020, 02:01:23 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #467 on: July 03, 2020, 02:46:09 PM »
What's new for 2020....
for me it's oldest dd working at an eye center, as Patient Coordinator.  Today is the first day she's driving herself to work and back, so I'm distracted.  Her old boss changed jobs, and called DD to see if she was available for the position.  DD was flattered and happy to consider and take the job.  They get along so well.  Such great energy, and good people. 

For breakfast, I made DD a really lovely pan-seared chicken with caramelized red onions and wilted spinach.
For lunch I made her seared pork tenderloin medallions with sauteed snap peas and more red onions, super caramelized, with fresh blueberries and tangerine sections on the side... everything bite-sized so she can eat them with a plastic fork. 

Can you tell I'm a bit anxious? It reminds me of making sandwiches for her at Pre-School with little black sesame seed smiley faces, lol.

I know she'll handle it, but the area she's driving is unpredictable.  Wednesday there was a very low to the ground cyclist peddling with his arms over a major bridge.  If you're looking in your rearview you could BUMP BUMP right over a person riding that slow,  bc you can't see them as the reason people are traveling at such a slow pace till the car in front of you moves, and then....  if not careful.. you're looking in reavriew to make your move, and not SEEING. 

The entrance ramps are about 3 inches long here.... she's been driven off the road by trucks before.

I'm glad we've driven every route, and experienced SO many important things... she'll figure it out.

Lighter

CB123

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #468 on: July 03, 2020, 02:55:22 PM »
How old is DD, Lighter?

I still flutter over my kids and they are in their 30's. I am regarded with fond amusement for the most part, with occasional annoyed looks.

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #469 on: July 03, 2020, 03:31:00 PM »
She's 19yo, at least she will be for another 4 months. 

My kids didn't really want to drive, and they resisted for a good long while.  Youngest hasn't driven since COVID struck,  and she's pretty content with that choice.

I guess kids today have access to all kinds of stories and wrecks we didn't have.

My kids get the risks, and take them seriously.

Little Elmer the Safety Elephants.... and I'm glad. They weren't climbers or kids who stuck their tongues in light sockets either.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #470 on: July 03, 2020, 04:09:43 PM »
Tongues?

Frozen lampposts?

Owwww....(not me, of course. Too cowardly.)

:)
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #471 on: July 03, 2020, 06:37:21 PM »
Cowardly....
?

Cowardly.....
?


Do you mean....
cautious, so as to avoid folly and unintended negative consequences, bc I think that's just being careful.   

Mindful, even.

I certainly could have practiced it more, in my life, IME.

You've obviously stepped up your game, and overcome your reticence.  You looked conflict in the eye and let him have it!  And it was self-protective, fully warranted, appropriate response to being pushed beyond your ability to remain stoic.  You DID warn him.  More than once.

You weren't a coward, you were rocking your Amazon Warrior boots, and they suit you, IMO; )

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #472 on: July 03, 2020, 07:06:55 PM »
Thank you, (((((Lighter)))).

I do have some fight in me, sometimes.

I just can't/won't live with fighting as my status quo.
It's too exhausting and takes the joy and peace away.
Some people are soldiers, and some are poets in a daze.

Thank you for that whack on the back....I appreciate it.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #473 on: July 03, 2020, 10:08:21 PM »
Keep the boots on, at least for a while, Hops.

Even if you shift to a soft little step-of-a-dance step....
so soft. 

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #474 on: July 04, 2020, 12:13:41 AM »
Nope, soft slippers for me.

My intent is to explain my views at next Sikh session,
take a breath, and see what M decides to/is able to do.

No blame/shame, no strategem. If he surprises, that's
great. But you're right about having no expectations.

Don't want to fight any more. I'm done.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #475 on: July 04, 2020, 12:45:23 AM »
Is standing up for yourself.....
fighting?

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #476 on: July 05, 2020, 12:15:22 PM »
Is standing up for yourself.....
fighting?

Lighter

Interesting.  I think it depends on who or what you're standing up against?  Person pushes in front of you in the queue and you say something and ask them to take their place at the back?  I'd say that's not fighting.  But I think when it's repetitive, then I guess it becomes fighting?  I'll have to ponder that some more, interesting point!

In other interesting news - Lighter and Hops, your suggestions about grant writing were brilliant.  My reaction to it was weird and I've been pondering why.

When I read it I didn't think, ooh yes, that's a good idea.  I immediately thought no.  I panicked straight away, immediately thought that I don't know how to do it, I'll have to work it all out, I'll have to learn how to do a tax return, what if I get it all wrong, what if my mum finds out and contacts them to tell them I abuse my son, what about all the other stuff I've got to do.  It was like a tsunami of reasons why I can't possibly do it.  And I also felt I couldn't say 'no' to it on here for fear of offending (which I know is completely ridiculous) and that I'd have to try and do it and then I'd fail and then it would be worse and it was just mad!

So I've thought a lot about why I reacted like that (and I often react like that to things).  Something you said on your relationship thread, Hops, rang a bell with me, when you talked about expectation being different from reality.  My whole life is like that.  I think constantly about when I'm not living here anymore, what life might be like in a new place, how things might be if I'm earning money again.  My to do lists are all the things I need to do today plus lists of creative projects I want to do plus lists of jobs to do before we move plus lists of jobs I might be able to do plus ways I might be able to do self employment plus lists of things to work on with son plus lists of friends to keep in contact with and it goes on and on.  I realised it's compulsive and I also realised it actually stops me from getting on with a lot of things because the lists are so long and so overwhelming that I often don't start and spend a lot of time watching TV instead.

It was a big realisation and one I've kind of had before, but didn't quite get a handle on or do anything about.  So today I focused small and I'm going to keep trying to focus small.  Meals, exercise, laundry, various bits with son, housework and gardening.  That alone generally takes up the whole day.  So today I've only focused on doing that, I've not thought about anything else and I do feel calmer and more relaxed for it.  Whether I'll be able to keep it up I don't know but I'm going to give it a try :) xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #477 on: July 05, 2020, 01:35:23 PM »
Dang. I'm sorry, ((((Tupp)))). I know there's nothing more clueless than getting all presumptuous on behalf of a friend who's bound to just love your NEW IDEA FOR THEM. I really overdid it there.

My normally ordinary nose periodically grows instantly long and wiggly, kind of like a Covid-19 testing swab, so I can jam it into other people's bidness with granular unsolicited advice.

I'm not surprised that you reacted with anxiety (and because you're you, with concern for offending those who abruptly began designing your future for you....). And I'm sorry. Really, it was a faux pas. Not for enthusiasm or caring about you of course, just for forgetting the thing about too much specific advice as opposed to thoughts, general ideas, and being supportive of where one IS, not where we imagine them to be. YOU live in your skin and circumstances, and you are a grownup who needs friends, not mentors. I think you are amazing.

OVER-intense advice to anybody, myself included, particularly when it's very personal and step-by-step....can trigger me too.

We're here on a Board where we all try to help each other. The way I look at it is, 90% of the time what's offered me is hugely helpful. Just knowing folks care and think about me and my life.

And the other 10% is me understanding that I am the decider, to quote Geo Bush, whom I would never normally quote for any reason whatsoever!

I think your reaction to this idea made perfect sense and was appropriate and honest and I am not in the SLIGHTEST offended or worried or anything at all if you choose not to take it! You could think about it later if it called to you, or never at all, ditto. YOU are the decider. And the only authority there is on what it's like to live in your skin.

I love that it is that way.

Huge hugs,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #478 on: July 05, 2020, 02:40:47 PM »
Oh no, Hops, there's nothing for you to be sorry for, it was a good thing!  I've not explained myself very well.  It was interesting for me because it highlighted the way my brain over-reacts to things and it gave me an opportunity to work out why.  Which in turn has made me change a habit and, I hope, it will be a long term change because it's been helpful.  And I love the grant writing idea and will look into it, I'm so grateful you and Lighter made the suggestion.  Sorry, I didn't explain myself well at all, I saw all of that as a positive!  It's taken me on another turn in my life and helped me clear the decks a bit, dig a bit deeper, figure out another way to make life a bit sweeter and a bit more enjoyable.  Sorry, my stream of consciousness stuff on here doesn't always come across the way I hear it in my mind.  I'm grateful to you both for the idea and there's nothing at all for you to be saying sorry for.  I should have been clearer, I got carried away with writing lists about my lists :)  Lol xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #479 on: July 05, 2020, 04:27:35 PM »
LOL!

To write lists about the future is a far cry from hyperventilating at the prospect of making one small list at all, for a few tiny hours.

Bigger hugs,
Hops
« Last Edit: July 06, 2020, 02:01:44 AM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."