Author Topic: What's New for 2020?  (Read 10046 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #510 on: July 15, 2020, 11:25:37 AM »
I'm dreaming of more space for your projects too, Tupp.  Tables with ongoing concerns spread out, waiting for attention.
Maybe a fireplace next to that big Christmas tree.
There will be more change for you.  You want a move....I know you can make that happen.  Your wisdom is leading you.

You aren't running away any longer.  You aren't being chased.  Next time, you'll make long-term moves for all the right, veryTuppy, reasons, IMO.

Lighter

Lighter, I think not running away is the big difference now, and also not moving with an expectation of anything 'good' happening.  Each other time we move I think some big change will come but it never does.  So the next one will be "well let's just get a bigger house so I can leave my stuff out instead of packing it all away each time" and anything else that comes from that will be a bonus.  And I will tell no-one my address this time; I'll get my mail re-directed so no-one knows we've moved and I'll get a friend to post stuff for me from somewhere else.

The funny thing is, years ago, when the whole child protection thing kicked off and I was genuinely wondering if we would have to leave the country, I did consider moving to a new town under an assumed name and cutting contact with every single person from my past.  I didn't, obviously, because I thought it would be quite unhealthy in the long run (constant worry about being found out) and because there were people I genuinely cared for and wanted to keep in touch with.  But here we are, fourteen years later and I still can't rely on people not to pass my address on to my mum, even with the precautions we took the last time we moved.  So the next move will be more or less the one that I tried to avoid fourteen years ago - town where I know no-one and no-one will know we moved.  I won't do the name change but it's funny how eventually that situation has just become the next step and it feels very freeing now.

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #511 on: July 15, 2020, 11:45:48 AM »
Tupp,

Very wise thinking. I agree--I think we are teetering on the brink of a precipice with the economy and it's a good time to sit tight. Also look at things like the town's DNA--is it a university town? a resort town? Even a town whose primary industry is health care will have things to consider. The small town I left to come here had 2 major industries that served the outlying communities--hospital complexes and universities. They also had a fair amount of retirement homes for the size town they are. Not a place I would move back to right now. 

You've got an unexpected resource following those investors.  They are going to be talking bottom line issues and that's a really good bunch of info for you as you make your decision.

I SOOOO get where you are in that little house. For most of the time I've been in this city I have been in those kinds of apartments and it is truly difficult. I really did celebrate this year and buy a full sized christmas tree for the first time in a decade. You will have one of those christmases soon....it's hard to wait but you are sure doing a good job of making it work for you. So happy for the peace you are experiencing. And having neighbors about in the case of a real need is a huge peace of mind while we are in crisis.

Love
CB

The lack of space does get to me, CB, we eat on our laps because there's no room for a table and chairs (I did try to squeeze one in but that meant no space for a desk so I had to do all my paperwork in my lap which with the amount I do is no good!).  And I can't have people round in the evening as there's nowhere to sit other than the front room and son has a show he likes to watch in the evening, which he can't watch in his room because there's nowhere to put a telly!  Lol.  So it would be nice to have more room again.  And yep, I kept thinking about it through the day and I think waiting until next Spring would be sensible.  As small as the house is, it's easy to keep warm and as it doesn't look like we'll be able to visit friends anytime soon then living far away from them doesn't really matter.  We've also got Brexit to deal with come January; the current trade deals expire on New Year's Eve and it's not looking like anything else will be in place and honestly, no-one is predicting a good outcome from that.  So it's probably easier to wait until Spring; we'll have a good amount of money saved, every conceivable task will be finished by then after so many months at home and hopefully we might have some idea re a vaccine by that point.  Plus moving in the spring and summer months is easier just because it's light for longer and hopefully not as cold!  Lol xx

CB123

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #512 on: July 15, 2020, 01:23:43 PM »
When it came time to renew my lease in my last apartment, I wanted to move SO BAD. (That was the one that kept flooding alternating with shutting the water off randomly for hours at a time, electricity shut off, losing refrigerators full of food. etc)

I bit the bullet and signed a 9 month lease--to end on the month I began drawing Social Security to supplement my paycheck. When that happened, I could afford a decent apartment in a decent neighborhood. That was a hard wait but it was so worth it. I think you will be happy for the savings in a year and the market is going to look completely different than it does right now. Won't it be great next spring when we can get out of the house again? I'm pretty sure I'm getting weird being in for so long.

Love

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #513 on: July 15, 2020, 11:00:32 PM »
I'm really impressed with your consistent saving, Tupp.
I think that's a major survival/thrival skill, and you're doing it. BRAVO.

I didn't get my budget act together until I was in my 50s, and my slow competence and studying frugality, really drinking that Koolaid, once I committed to the long-term view it wound up making a big difference. I'll never feel "safe" exactly, given the terrors of running out in older age when you are likely to need it most, but it's so much better than if I'd kept making oblivious excuses to spend on this or that or another inessential thing when I was scraping to manage it all. And starting from behind. (One thing about being self-quarantined since March is I have barely ever eaten out or ordered in. I don't track it closely being math-phobic, but my account seems steadier and a little fatter than when this all began. I think it's due to staying home. Rarely need gas, don't go to restaurants or make silly purchases.)

Virtually all of my friends are either financially very secure up to very well off. This is an expensive town so just having a secure roof over my head is the triumph of my life. I was so scared for a long time, seeing myself as "downwardly mobile" -- and I truly was. No more upper-middle-class ignorance. Things got really scary after the dot-com bust, several layoffs, stretches of unemployment, and particularly during the decade I worked and also took care of my mother. My career tanked and I slowly realized it would never recover. My D was ill and floundering and constantly needing pricey bailouts. It took a very long time, I think she was 30, before I closed my wallet to her. And then soon she was gone.

I am so sad for the people who are terrified now of winding up on a sidewalk with their children, because our asshat leader didn't think he'd "look good" in a mask.

hugs
Hops
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Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #514 on: July 16, 2020, 06:23:31 AM »
When it came time to renew my lease in my last apartment, I wanted to move SO BAD. (That was the one that kept flooding alternating with shutting the water off randomly for hours at a time, electricity shut off, losing refrigerators full of food. etc)

I bit the bullet and signed a 9 month lease--to end on the month I began drawing Social Security to supplement my paycheck. When that happened, I could afford a decent apartment in a decent neighborhood. That was a hard wait but it was so worth it. I think you will be happy for the savings in a year and the market is going to look completely different than it does right now. Won't it be great next spring when we can get out of the house again? I'm pretty sure I'm getting weird being in for so long.

Love

CB

Absolutely, CB, short term pain for long term gain and all that!  If it is possible to forward plan a bit and hold on, it helps.  I remember a couple I used to live underneath years ago who'd been caught by negative equity for fourteen years.  Fourteen!  And they'd had to carry on living there all that time because selling would have crippled them with debt and they'd never have been able to afford to buy again.  So they stayed put in a flat they thought they would be in for no more than two years and waited it out.  It paid off, they eventually sold it for more than they paid for it and then the market too off again so they ended up with a house with lots of equity.  But it was a long slog for them.  If we hold on, I'll have money to move but also money to buy some new furniture and just cover any unexpected things that come up.  Plus it gives us more time to get organised.  I'm glad you got out of your ghastly place eventually :) xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #515 on: July 16, 2020, 06:36:04 AM »
I'm really impressed with your consistent saving, Tupp.
I think that's a major survival/thrival skill, and you're doing it. BRAVO.

I didn't get my budget act together until I was in my 50s, and my slow competence and studying frugality, really drinking that Koolaid, once I committed to the long-term view it wound up making a big difference. I'll never feel "safe" exactly, given the terrors of running out in older age when you are likely to need it most, but it's so much better than if I'd kept making oblivious excuses to spend on this or that or another inessential thing when I was scraping to manage it all. And starting from behind. (One thing about being self-quarantined since March is I have barely ever eaten out or ordered in. I don't track it closely being math-phobic, but my account seems steadier and a little fatter than when this all began. I think it's due to staying home. Rarely need gas, don't go to restaurants or make silly purchases.)

Virtually all of my friends are either financially very secure up to very well off. This is an expensive town so just having a secure roof over my head is the triumph of my life. I was so scared for a long time, seeing myself as "downwardly mobile" -- and I truly was. No more upper-middle-class ignorance. Things got really scary after the dot-com bust, several layoffs, stretches of unemployment, and particularly during the decade I worked and also took care of my mother. My career tanked and I slowly realized it would never recover. My D was ill and floundering and constantly needing pricey bailouts. It took a very long time, I think she was 30, before I closed my wallet to her. And then soon she was gone.

I am so sad for the people who are terrified now of winding up on a sidewalk with their children, because our asshat leader didn't think he'd "look good" in a mask.

hugs
Hops

I had my fingers burnt when my son was younger, Hopsie, and learned the hard way!  I'd always earnt good money and always had plenty of work so I'd never really budgeted  because there was always enough.  My income dropped after I had my son because I didn't go back to work like I thought I would and by the time he was three all of my money each month was going on minimum debt repayments and then my monthly expenses were coming out of my overdraft.  I did pay the rent each month but everything else was just racking up debt.  I just hadn't adjusted my spending to my income because I honestly thought it would be fine in the end (there's a bit of a theme of that with me!  Lol).  Eventually I couldn't pay anything so I stopped paying debts, was chased by creditors for years, couldn't get anything other than a basic bank account (here that means you can pay money in and out but no cheque book and not cashpoint card; I had to go to the bank to get cash - it was a three mile walk and I couldn't afford the bus!  I just busted my backside, didn't spend a penny that I didn't need to and slowly built up a credit rating again - eventually I was allowed a cash card, then a cheque book and then a credit card - low limit but I used it to pay for my groceries each week and immediately paid the cash onto the credit card account so that I built up a higher limit.  I just keep it for emergencies; whatever happens, I can get son and myself a hotel for a few nights if need be plus food and so on.

I've still not got any long term savings or pension to speak of so I do fully understand your concerns about a solo retirement on a low income.  My friends are like yours; they've all got plenty, mostly through divorce settlements and/or inheritance, and everyone I know will inherit a house and or money when their parents pass away.  Not me!  But we can only do what we can do, and I do like the psychological boost of saving.  I like that feeling of having a cushion, even if it is just a small one :) xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #516 on: July 16, 2020, 03:36:21 PM »
Well today has been one of those days when nothing much seemed to happen but actually quite a lot did happen.

I had a 'no reaction' reaction to something that would have upset me a lot not too long ago.  A friend called, about a month after I'd left her a message.  Ordinarily the not calling back for that long would bother me, but it didn't.  She told me about the nice get togethers she'd been having with a mutual friend of ours, who also doesn't call me.  At one point that would have upset me, but it didn't.  She suggested getting together next month, and usually I would struggle with saying no, but I felt fine just saying we're continuing to avoid people so not till the virus is gone or cureable.  I dug out some information we'd talk about on the phone to send her about her ongoing health problems and when I dug out my previous email to her with lots of other information she'd asked me for, I realised she's not acted on any of the info I sent her last time she asked for it.  Normally it would bother me, but it didn't.  I sent it off (two minute job) and that's that.  The chat was nice, I enjoyed it for what it was and then got on with the evening.  Big change for me.  It felt nice.

Also asked another friend to call my son for a chat and didn't worry about whether I was imposing or anything - people can say no, right?  They both enjoyed the chat.

And big news - my sister's cancer tests came back clear and to celebrate she's decided to end her relationship with her partner.  I am really pleased on both counts.  It seems the possibility of serious illness had her re-evaluating her situation and she's decided she'd rather be alone than keep putting up with nonsense (sounds familiar, yes?).

So a funny day.  In practical terms very little got done.  But I think some big shifts have happened and I just have a really good feeling about the future? xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #517 on: July 16, 2020, 11:28:14 PM »
Tupp, you have so much to be proud of. There's just a solidity to who you've become. Solidity not rigidity.

Facing facts, walking the three miles to shop...those must have been dire periods, I know. But instead of spiraling into addiction or desperate acts (even if you caroused for a time, etc) -- you have BUILT A GOOD LIFE. Under really tough circumstances.

When you've been through that kind of testing, and then you become determined to create coziness, order, loving warmth for your son, a sane and conscious and committed life despite the stresses of the time and your past....you are an extraordinary person. MUCH respect. [Doffs cap.] When I think of why social benefits are so essential, moral and also common sense, especially for single parents of special kids...I'm so glad you have them.

I never did an effective budget until I was 50. That Financial Peace University class with Dave Ramsey (so conservative and judgemental I'd probably cross the street in fear if I saw him in real life, but so pragmatic and CLEAR about how to get out of debt permanently one choice at a time and stay there--and an excellent teacher) entirely changed my understanding. Even now, I don't budget formally but spend so little my tiny pension/SS are enough to keep me in a safe situation so far. My cushion's not huge either but it has a big effect on my pysche. An Emergency Fund was the first step he would insist everyone build. Emergencies are not pizza, did you know? LOL.

One interesting thing about Voluntary Simplicity and frugality and minimalism and even decluttering... For me, raised with comfort and trips and cultural opportunities to see art and visits to lavish homes... What I find actually beautiful has changed. I am intensely interested in architecture (Grand Designs), but what excites me most is small-scale, sustainable design that uses repurposed or renewable or very-low-footprint materials, natural light, is built to blend in as much as possible to a natural environment, and if something lovely like that is also off the grid? I'm bananas. (Of course most people who build these intriguing/inspirational homes are young and fit enough to do a lot of the labor, have access to a lovely bit of land on a picturesque slope or by a stream, etc....a relative who's a builder to help...and these houses are still expensive as hell, mostly.) One day, access to sustainable, affordable materials will make sense, or they'll ACTUALLY make cheap timbers out of recycled material etc. I've always been disappointed that only Trex decking, etc., seems to have resulted from recycled plastics. We've got to stop using unnecessary plastics or the oceans will choke....I'm ranting and rambling.

Completely off-topic, sorry. Had a nap and woke up wild at 10pm! Oh well. I'm retired.

What I MEANT to say next was I loved your description of having a "non-reaction reaction" and felt sooooooo pleased for you! I understand what a wonderful moment that is. You didn't go into wounded mode, you accepted her as she is, enjoyed the contact, didn't get dragged into her idea of a plan, maintained your own boundaries and still connected pleasantly (to the degree she could). BRAVO, Tupp.

hugs
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #518 on: July 17, 2020, 09:29:24 AM »
Thanks, Hops ((((((Hops))))))

Sometimes I do think emergency pizza is required ;)  Lol.  I think those early experiences taught me a good lesson and I'm glad I learnt them at an earlier time, to be honest.  I have friends right now whose income level has dropped sharply or will do in the not too distant future, as well as some who live constantly on credit and have that mindset of having to go out for dinner on a Friday, having to go on holiday each year, having to buy a new outfit at the weekend and so on.  I used to be like that and I'm glad I'm not any more.  We haven't got a lot but yes, that emergency fund, however small, is a welcome reassurance and my credit cards I like to keep unused but available - it just means whatever life throws at us I can manage it, at least in the short term.  My scariest time was when we were homeless - life had taken some unexpected turns and a flat I'd organised turned out to be non existent (lesson learned there in the art of scamming!) and we were literally in the car with our belongings in the back seat and nowhere to go.  I'd called every organisation I could think of and every person I knew who might be able to help and got nowhere.  I literally had a few pounds in my purse and nothing else.  I honestly thought we'd be sleeping in the car.  Fortunately a friend I'd left a message for earlier got back to me; he was away for a fortnight but a neighbour had a key so we were able to stay there and it was just long enough for me to sort something else out.  But it was the scariest thing I've known and if I'd had a credit card we could have booked into a cheap B & B and it would have been much easier to deal with.  So those emergency savings and emergency credit cards have meant a lot to me ever since.  And I love those little tiny homes as well!  Especially reclaimed, off the grid, self sufficient and all of that.  I would have loved that for myself and son but he has been claimed by the internet now and I don't think would manage well without constant access any more.

The non reaction reaction was great and carried on through today as well.  Sometimes it's delayed but no, it's been fine, just got on with the day as normal (ie not very much at the minute!).  And it's been good xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #519 on: July 17, 2020, 10:11:55 AM »
Tupp, is there any way a wall-mounted telly would be possible for son?

hugs
Hops
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Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #520 on: July 17, 2020, 10:33:59 AM »
Tupp, is there any way a wall-mounted telly would be possible for son?

hugs
Hops

Unfortunately not Hopsie, the room's very small; one wall is taken up with the airing cupboard door and another with the windows so the two remaining walls are taken up with tall storage for all his Lego and books.  I did look at one of those extending arms you can put a telly on but the only place it could go would be next to his bed where there's no plug socket nearby, plus the wall there is only plasterboard so it's not really strong enough to take the weight it would need to.  It's a badly designed small space instead of one of the fancy ones where everything fits in :)  Lol.  Next place, though! xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #521 on: July 17, 2020, 11:50:08 AM »
Damn.
Wish it could be hung from ceiling.

:(
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #522 on: July 17, 2020, 02:07:48 PM »
Damn.
Wish it could be hung from ceiling.

:(

Lol.  The other problem with attaching anything is that you have to return the property in its original condition, so I'd have to fill in the holes left by the attachment and repaint the wall to cover up the filler as well.  Some places don't even let you hang pictures!  Fortunately we're allowed to do that.  But it matters not, I have a good feeling about the future!  I keep seeing myself in my head unpacking in that nice big house and setting son's new TV up on a nice unit for him and just luxuriating in the space :)  Lol xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #523 on: July 17, 2020, 08:03:18 PM »
Perhaps (when you're safely out on a pleasant walk by the river) a runaway lorry will drive through your front wall and you will collect an insane amount of a settlement and there we go.

Ahem. Put down the wine, Hops....

:)
xxxooo
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #524 on: July 19, 2020, 06:40:01 AM »
Perhaps (when you're safely out on a pleasant walk by the river) a runaway lorry will drive through your front wall and you will collect an insane amount of a settlement and there we go.

Ahem. Put down the wine, Hops....

:)
xxxooo

Ha ha :)  It might not be necessary, Hops - I think you might be an interior design genius :)

I kept thinking about the TV in the bedroom thing.  It's not possible in any useful way in son's room - but I did realise that we had a small chair in the sitting room that would just fit in the gap between my bed and the wall, and is just big enough for a small TV to go on, so one or other of us could watch TV in there.  I was scrolling through reviews of small TVs and looking at prices and someone mentioned watching TV on your laptop.  I had no idea this was a thing.  Anyway, a bit more scrolling and website checking and the package we have on our TV (which is via a box) can be downloaded onto a laptop and you can watch different things from the same package on different devices at different times.  Ooh la la.  I sometimes feel as if I'm just getting out of prison - everything I've done for nearly twenty years has been so focused on son and dealing with blah blah blah that I've missed all these technological advances and because I don't know they're there, I don't go looking for them.

So - last night I was curled up in bed with my cup of tea, the window open as it rained and my favourite crime thriller drama on the laptop while son was watching his show downstairs.  I've rearranged the sitting room again this morning.  The chair being gone meant I could move the desk a few inches, which in turn meant I could move the sideboard.  That meant there was room on the sideboard for the TV, which then meant the table the TV was on was free.  We still can't really eat at it without pulling it all out and getting another chair in from the shed, which is too much of a faff for me everyday, but it does mean I've been able to put my sewing on it and various bits of paperwork and leave them out, instead of having to pack it all away or pile everything on to my desk in the evening.  The sitting room is now more of an activity room and if I want to relax in peace I can head upstairs.  I reckon we'll have this place perfect about two weeks before we move out of it :)  Ha ha :)

In other news, I have spoken telepathically to the house I like and asked it to be available next Spring.  Lol xx