Author Topic: What's New for 2020?  (Read 10065 times)

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #480 on: July 05, 2020, 11:52:49 PM »
OK, Hops.

Have your say with the Sikh, then sit back and observe. 

Fine.

But, may I say....
before I calmly back away and wait with you....
I'm unsure about M's understanding of pebbles and fields and lovely potential mates standing in the field, not wholly seen or....undiscovered. 

I'm using my angst over what my lack of voice, with the brain surgery debacle, and... this.... feeling of not being heard... and... I intend to avoid being pointed back to Melodie Beattie's videos tomorrow.

I do hope M understands what's being asked of him.

Nuff'said.

::dropping expectation and moving on::

Whew... that feels amazing.   

I think I've managed it.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #481 on: July 06, 2020, 02:16:04 AM »
I'll respond on Relationship.
Thanks for this, Lighter.

Hops
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Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #482 on: July 07, 2020, 03:43:08 AM »
I've been wondering more about expectations.  And hopes, dreams, desires.  Wanting to feel better than we do.  Wanting to be happier, healthier, wealthier.  More accepted.  Better understood.  Left in peace but checked in on.  Desiring warmth, companionship, intimacy.  But being scared of risking being hurt.

I'm surprised to find I'm missing friends, but not missing places, activities or people in general.  I've felt for many years that paid work, a social life, enough money to eat out when I wanted to, travel, take courses, etc, would make me happy.  It's interesting to me that I feel happy, content, peaceful (relatively speaking - there's still the risk of catching something deadly at the supermarket) without those things at the moment.  I thought I might start to feel discontented again as they started opening up and I knew other people were back at work, going out, mingling.  I thought the sense of 'missing out' made me feel unhappy.  But I feel more content knowing I don't have to do those things?  And I think before I felt that I did have to?

It's just made me wonder about our expectations of life and how difficult - almost impossible - it would be to take such a long time indoors and disconnected from the world in normal circumstances.  Although I'd be in a position to declare an at home period for as long as I wanted, really, I would never have done this voluntarily.  I'd have considered a desire to be alone for an extended period a sign of ill health, on my part.  I'd have presumed it neglectful of my son and would have worried about how it looked to other people; (she's mentally ill, she keeps him indoors, it's not healthy, no wonder he's turned out the way he has with a mother like that).  I wouldn't have felt able to tell people I was simply staying at home for months.  I'd have had to have made excuses about feeling ill, son not wanting to go out, not having enough money and so on.

Is all of that social conditioning, do you think?  Perhaps I did like it all more when I was younger - just having more energy, I suppose.  I feel much safer at home?  When I look back on my life there are three periods when I felt safe - as a little girl (before my dad died), in my bedroom reading my books.  During the whole 'rave' period when I was younger, when everyone was so focused on love and peace and just being real, man.  And when I was at University - cossetted, comfortable, surrounded by books and people who loved to read books.  And then now.  At home.  Quiet.  And no expectation to go anywhere.  I have felt more anxious since they've started lifting the lockdown.  Two friends already have mentioned meeting up.  I don't want to disrupt my bubble.  I am missing some of my friends but I also feel I don't want to see them until it's safe to hug and sit next to each other and make each other cups of tea, share food, swap books, sit and watch the kids play without lobbing hand sanitiser at them.

I'm just pondering.  We are in no rush to start mingling with people again.  I have to admit the thought of making small talk on buses and in shops is making me want to walk everywhere and shop online :)  Lol xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #483 on: July 07, 2020, 08:24:08 AM »
To me it sounds as though you've had a chance to rest, reflect, retreat...and the result has been understanding and accepting yourself, and your predominant nature, Tupp. While you love people and can make friends (you will still), you seem to me like a natural thinker and introvert who was formerly trying to adjust to a more hectic model of community.

When all you really need are several genuine friends, a decent shop, access to nature, some community effort but not too much, and most of all, your son.

It's hard to fashion the just-right lifestyle, and your "involuntary" simplicity has been an inspiration to me. (Remember the Voluntary Simplicity movement? I always wondered why they didn't just call it the Pretending Poverty movement, because it was invariably upper-middle class Martha Stewart airheads who put shiplap walls up everywhere and prided themselves on choosing three PERFECT apples, only three, for the sideboard...)

Keep on enjoying being YOU, Tupp. When things do open up in a year, maybe many people will have been changed. Without a big unrealistic fantasy, I do think culture should be changing in some good ways after all this. I saw a Very Smart Commentator last night talking about how with 5 crises colliding now, he believes this is truly a sea-change moment in the history of humanity, and he believes after the pandemic settles, there really is going to be new reason for hope. (Crises in health care, democracy, racism, economy and climate.) I personally believe materialism is going to have taken a big hit.

hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 09:12:50 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #484 on: July 07, 2020, 10:34:28 AM »
Ah, Pretend Poverty , Hopsie, I used to mingle with Yummy Mummies who were into that!  Without any kind of irony at all they'd invite us in to their half million pound houses to show us all the reduced label food they'd bought before proceeding to tell me all about the next holiday they'd booked :)  Always made me chuckle.  They never saw the irony.  Someone I knew went to great lengths to lug wood home from the woods to burn in the fire so they didn't have to buy logs but would then spend £100 on lunch.  Bonkers.

Yes, it's been very enlightening.  I was thinking today that I could start thinking about socially distance picnics with some of the local mums.  We've enough open spaces to be able to sit two meters away and that I could do for an hour or so but that feels like enough?  I keep thinking about pubs and cafes and busy buses and it's not calling me in :) I'm enjoying my quiet time and being able to follow my own pace?  The thing that I am finding nice is I'm not reacting constantly to day to day situations, because I'm not having any.  A few things have set me off, but it's not been the constant onslaught that it usually is.  That's been nice.  And in very exciting news - our books have been ordered at the library and we have a time slot for tomorrow to go and collect them!  We're both excited about that, and we've got wide roads to walk on into town and a nice broad road alongside the river to get to the library itself.  I might take a picnic if it's nice and we could eat our lunch by the water.  I had to ring to choose some different books as the ones I wanted weren't available and the lady asked after my son and said to give him their love, they'd all been thinking about him.  How nice is that?  I might try to get them a little pot plant for their staff room.

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #485 on: July 07, 2020, 01:58:01 PM »
Hops and Tupp:

I believe this is the jumping off point for sea change as well.  Crisis in educational and justice systems.... these are the places taking my focus, like a magnet.  Integral and critical components... broken components.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #486 on: July 07, 2020, 09:15:21 PM »
Tupp,

I noticed that four times in your last paragraph you used the word "nice."

That was very NICE to see!

Hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #487 on: July 08, 2020, 10:38:02 AM »
Hopsie, I hadn't noticed there were so many 'nice' in there.  What's the plural of nice?  Nices?  Not sure.  Lol.  It is nice!

Lighter, I do think we need a major change now - I think this has really shown the need for change.  But - I don't share yours and Hop's positive outlook on it.  I know, I should, but I find in the UK it's very difficult to get accurate, fact based information anywhere.  The media is very heavily weighted towards the government and a general 'I'm alright, anyone who isn't has done something wrong' that is so present here.  The alternative to mainstream media is social media which is just full of conspiracy theories, fake facts and people whipping others up to blame everything on one group (and the only group never blamed are the super rich tax avoiders).  The number of people who think for themselves and read on different things - and who are willing to maybe take a hit on their own personal finances to ensure someone else is housed/educated/made better or whatever is needed - seems to be small.  So I'm not feeling positive that things are going to change for the better here.

But - I am definitely going to keep my own changes in place.  We went to the library this morning and the difference in my energy before we left was very noticeable.  The sluggishness vanished and I was happy and excited to be out.

Ten minutes in, my hip went.  My back's been pretty okay but I think that's been because I haven't done much.  By the time we got to the library I was limping and we got a taxi home, I couldn't have managed the walk.  We've got lots of good books so I was pleased.

I saw a nice house, in an area we're interested in, and it's in our price range.  It's not the right time for us to move just yet but I was pleased to see a suitable option present itself!  Just took it as a good omen.  I am focusing on keeping myself happy and healthy.

I have decided to tackle the paperwork and deal with it once and for all.  I've kept thinking about what to do with it and whether doing anything was worth the time and effort.  I've come to the conclusion it will be like an exorcism.  I want to work through it.  I think it's a bit like taking control of it now?  It's controlled me for a long time, now I'm going to control it and everything is going to happen on my terms, in my way.  Warrior Tupp.  No perceived outcome; I just want it scanned, summarised and burnt.  I might send my mum the ashes :)  Only joking!  But it feels like the right time to start getting on with it and I'm going to be very, very kind to myself throughout the process.  I'm feeling like it's a form of self care, to take back control of it, write up the facts, keep a copy on a little key and have some nice evenings sitting watching it burn and watching all the awful things people have done to us disappear into the sky.

And an observation!  It kind of follows on from what you've been saying about helping people, Lighter, and that need to help.  Some friends called this afternoon, dear friends who I think the world of.  They have done something very, very silly (unbelievably so, they're both very intelligent, I can't quite believe what they've done).  But it's a big mistake and it's going to cost them thousands unless a miracle occurs.  A kind of red mist came over me - not in an angry way but in a 'I need to sort this out for them' way.  What I noticed was my anxiety.  It honestly felt like it's me that did this and is going to have to spend thousands now putting it right.  I've calmed myself down, noted it and done nothing other than suggest a good website that I know deals with this sort of thing, so that they can get proper advice.  It was interesting to notice it, realise it was there and then let it go xx

(PS although I do still feel sick, which is what would happen if it were actually my problem to deal with.  Weird, huh?) xx

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #488 on: July 08, 2020, 11:45:53 AM »
Quote
A kind of red mist came over me - not in an angry way but in a 'I need to sort this out for them' way.  What I noticed was my anxiety.  It honestly felt like it's me that did this and is going to have to spend thousands now putting it right.  I've calmed myself down, noted it and done nothing

That is FANTASTIC noticing, Tupp. Wow. Tuning into the present moment and "inventorying" your physical and emotional response. And then deciding to NOT yield to the compulsion. Bravo!

I'm so impressed. I truly believe the more often you weather that little cycle, the EASIER it will become. One day, it'll be calm and automatic. You'll feel a moment of compassionate concern but simultaneously, relax into "this is not my job to fix."

About long-term possible positive social change post-crises? I think it's really the looooong term I'm visualizing. Not the short term. Not based on efficient government or reliable communications in the now. Alas. I know it will be very hard to make clear, logical forward progress quickly.

My positivity is just about a long-term sea change in human society that I think may come, and that I also know may come long after I'm gone.

hugs
Hops

PS I worry about you re-living all your trauma and adding new writing about it to your tasks list. At the same time, I have great faith that you know yourself, your goals to approach it this way are rational, and could bring you the closure you're aiming for. Nobody but you can decide which methods: symbolic, processing, ritual, release....are best for your own life. Huge support no matter what you choose. (And a big shout-out for getting it out of your space AND head!)
« Last Edit: July 08, 2020, 11:49:03 AM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #489 on: July 08, 2020, 01:13:35 PM »
That awareness, Tupp.  That moment... or those moments providing enough time to SEE what we're about to do... what we're leaning towards... what we're considering.

So precious. 

Amazing to notice these things, and decide what we'll do, rather than forge ahead.

YES!

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #490 on: July 09, 2020, 03:56:23 AM »
Quote
A kind of red mist came over me - not in an angry way but in a 'I need to sort this out for them' way.  What I noticed was my anxiety.  It honestly felt like it's me that did this and is going to have to spend thousands now putting it right.  I've calmed myself down, noted it and done nothing

That is FANTASTIC noticing, Tupp. Wow. Tuning into the present moment and "inventorying" your physical and emotional response. And then deciding to NOT yield to the compulsion. Bravo!

I'm so impressed. I truly believe the more often you weather that little cycle, the EASIER it will become. One day, it'll be calm and automatic. You'll feel a moment of compassionate concern but simultaneously, relax into "this is not my job to fix."

About long-term possible positive social change post-crises? I think it's really the looooong term I'm visualizing. Not the short term. Not based on efficient government or reliable communications in the now. Alas. I know it will be very hard to make clear, logical forward progress quickly.

My positivity is just about a long-term sea change in human society that I think may come, and that I also know may come long after I'm gone.

hugs
Hops

PS I worry about you re-living all your trauma and adding new writing about it to your tasks list. At the same time, I have great faith that you know yourself, your goals to approach it this way are rational, and could bring you the closure you're aiming for. Nobody but you can decide which methods: symbolic, processing, ritual, release....are best for your own life. Huge support no matter what you choose. (And a big shout-out for getting it out of your space AND head!)

Thanks, Hops.  I do think it will become more automatic over time.  I can't say I haven't thought about it since - to be honest I'm baffled as to how highly intelligent and well qualified people can sometimes make such huge, expensive mistakes over really basic things simply through not reading things (who doesn't read contracts before they sign them?)  It's very counter-intuitive to me and I struggle to get my head around it.  But - it's theirs to deal with, I've given them information about an organisation that can help them and I now need to keep my sticky beak out :)

It is perfectly possible that the paperwork may cause problems but I will keep a close eye on it all the way through and, if it's too much, it will go on the fire.  I just don't feel overwhelmed by it now.  Although I'm missing friends in the 3D sense, in all other ways we're having a better time than usual.  We can get library books again.  We have local places we can walk.  I will make appointments for us to see the osteopath - my back after that relatively short walk yesterday is very sore - so the healthcare is important.  We can start going to the cinema again from September - it will be quiet, during the day during the week we're often the only people in there under normal circumstances so with masks, sanitiser and no eating or drinking in there we should be okay.  And that will do us, I realised, almost indefinitely, so this is the ideal time to get on with it.  Plus I can start with easy bits that won't trigger, just old paperwork that I can scan so I have a copy but then get rid of the hard copy (things like charity applications are useful because of the wording; I want to keep stuff like that for the future because it helps with new applications but I don't want boxes full of the stuff).  So just sorting out the non triggering stuff will clear quite a bit of it.  I won't be tackling it today; my back hurts so today will be a yoga and epsom salts baths day, with lots of reading :) xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #491 on: July 09, 2020, 04:01:41 AM »
That awareness, Tupp.  That moment... or those moments providing enough time to SEE what we're about to do... what we're leaning towards... what we're considering.

So precious. 

Amazing to notice these things, and decide what we'll do, rather than forge ahead.

YES!

Lighter

Thanks, Lighter.  ((((((((((LIghter))))))))

I think it is about having the time to notice it, isn't it?  Under normal circumstances I'd have taken the call, had the reaction - and then had to collect son from college or get to the shop before it shut or get dinner on or get that washing sorted out or that letter written or email sent, blah, blah, blah.  But - I took the call and then had time to notice how I felt, think about it, ponder a bit and then do a bit of yoga to let it all go.  I think usually it would get layered under a load more drama and then I'd go to bed all full of compacted feelings and it would bother me.  But it was all fine.  It has preyed on my mind a bit.  I did find myself thinking I'd need to be emphatic about them writing everything down in case it goes to court.  But then I thought no, I've already said they should write everything down, the website will advise them of the same thing so I've done all I need to.  No need for me to focus on it anymore xx

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #492 on: July 09, 2020, 09:08:29 AM »
Well done, Tupp.

And... my T said we build energy/ego as the day progresses.  It's good to begin with meditation and taking breaks, to breathe and refocus, is a good idea too.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #493 on: July 11, 2020, 03:24:21 AM »
Well done, Tupp.

And... my T said we build energy/ego as the day progresses.  It's good to begin with meditation and taking breaks, to breathe and refocus, is a good idea too.

Lighter

It's good advice, Lighter.  I'm trying to start the day in a quiet and calm way. Laundry on, then back to bed with my tea and book for half an hour.  Get dressed, have breakfast, feed the cat, feed the birds.  Sort son's meds, take assorted vitamins. Son's usually up by then so breakfast again with him, by that time the laundry's ready to go out on the line.  It's a change from my normal routine of waking up exhausted and mainlining coffee whilst rushing around getting ready for the day and shouting at son to hurry up.  Hoping to keep the new routine in place.

I've continued to research communes and - I'm going off the idea :)  Ha ha.  I still like the principle of sharing space with people but I've found myself thinking more and more about how difficult it might be for son if there are always other people around and how tolerant/compassionate others might be towards his disabilities over a long period of time.  He makes noises and motions that he has no control over.  Many things need to be done in a particular way to avoid stressing him out and many, many things annoy him.  I'm not sure that other people will be as accommodating to him as I am.  There are communities where you have  your own flat and then share spaces but at the moment most of the ones I've found require you to buy the property.  One rents them, but the area in which it is is not capturing my imagination.  I haven't discounted the idea entirely - I'll continue to read and visit places once it's safe to do so.  There is an organisation that loans money to people setting up communities, for the purchase of property.  I'm wondering if at some point I could buy a large property - or maybe even an unused shop or put - and convert it into small flats with shared areas specifically to rent to people in similar situations to ours.  There are schemes like that already but they're run through local authorities and I don't like the authority involvement.  It's something to ponder, but in the meantime I'm also browsing possible new homes on the internet.

I think practically we could be ready to move in about six months time.  I've done a lot of cleaning and clearing out during the lockdown so if I keep on top of it the actual physical pack up and go could be done in two weeks.  Financially, I reckon we could have enough saved by next Jan, assuming the pressure of Covid doesn't get to me and I start ordering takeaways every night and spending all my money on online shopping :) Feels nice to have it in sight but not feel pressured by it.

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #494 on: July 12, 2020, 03:25:57 AM »
More decluttering over the weekend.  Son has agreed to part with some of his old toys so we've freed up a bit more space in his room.  I'm going to buy a cheap, slimline bookcase for the alcove in his bedroom.  His large storage unit (which now has a lot less on it) can then come downstairs and I can put the TV on it and the table the TV currently sits on can go out into the garden.  The chairs that go with it can go out into the shed for now, which is next on my list of things to tidy out and organise.  I've moved a tall, slimline CD tower from the kitchen to the top of the stairs and the difference it's made is huge.  It must be something to do with the way your brain processes space because it's a small unit, no more than a few inches square, so physically it takes up very little floor space.  But having the space next to the kitchen door empty now has made the kitchen feel much bigger and for some reason putting it at the top of the stairs has made the landing feel more spacious?  i don't know how that works because there's more there now, not less, but for reason it feels bigger.  Our minds must play tricks on us like that.