The Lake House

[lighter]

We had a nice visit with family at the lake.  A huge bonfire ending in rain that evening..... perfectly timed AND there was an amazingly windy sunny next day.  Couldn't have asked for better weather.

My BIL, sister and I put down the LVP in the largest bedroom after determining we couldn't put in the toilet or flooring in that bedroom's bathroom.

There's 2 half baths and a full bath on each floor so...... no problem with people getting what they needed there.

As I mentioned on the Mindfulness thread.....  boundaries went up regarding impromptu visits from the caretaker's family. 

The decks are getting an opaque stain this week.  I might drive up and check that out this week.  We tried a gray to look like weathered wood and match the brick grout, but it's flat and looks...... not great wtih the warm gray siding. 

The decision to go with dark brown, so maybe it looks like dark sttained wood, was made.  I think it might end up looking like the gray, in that flat and without wood grain will work against it.  Will have to see.

Need a plumber and an electrician.... good ones, for sure.

[Hopalong]

I'll bet the brown looks good, Lighter.
I like painted porch floors especially, but stain is amazing how it lasts...

I'm a little confused about your Dad's caregiver and fam.
Did they begin to develop an inappropriate relationship, too familiar, or taking advantage? It sounds like boundaries got crossed.

But to turn up, sounds like they have the misapprehension that they're like his family still? Looking to cozy up to the next generation for some kind of advantage?

One of the scariest things to vulnerable old people is whom to trust. I'm sorry that happened and glad y'all finally got clear with them. Those days are over, and you're no longer welcome as "family" -- if they ever were.

Yuck and good job.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

PS  My neighbor got so unguarded and cozy with her contractor (because she was lonely) that he ripped her off for tens of thousands, did crappy work and got away with it.

I like to connect with people too, including workers I hire, but more carefully now. No need to go all lady of the manor, but it helps me to regard these as professional and not personal relationships. I remember the chemistry w/landscaper that went weird (real) all of a sudden. We recovered and are still friendLY, but not friends.

It'd be harder to establish with caregivers alone with your parent. It really is an intimate role, but I'll need to remember if I'm someday the one being helped, to keep mentioning our agreement, expectations, clarifying things, etc. Plus, draw it all up as specifically as possible when they first start. Vibes often go south if it's unclear.

[lighter]

The "caregiver"was a maid who stole 80K dollars from my Grandfather.

This was after my father became disabled.

Once I confonted the caregiver, she got defensive, admitted to the theft, then went to my father where she began tormenting him with leaving him...... and I could see the fear in his eyes.  She meant for that fear to be there.  I wasn't too happy at her for either of those actions, but Dad wanted her, no matter how much she stole, so I shut up and continued to support the mission, which I did until my father's death.

Father died before caretaker's DD's family arrived, btw, so there was no bond there. 

Once they were in Dad's home, they were rude, spoke about us behind our backs an basically made it too awkward to visit the house at all in 3 years.  Sometimes I'd go, but basically the house was a filthy mess with cockroaches when they left without cleaning.  Oh.... the dog pee carpet..... ::head knocked back:: it wasn't good, but they lived for free, actually made money as the hospital treating their son paid them "rent and utilities" even though they never had to pay it..... so they were in a pretty good position to purchase a home and that became the mission.

Brother's gf was a go gettter realtor and found the house, lined up the loan and somehow got the SonIL to say the right words to the banker to force it through.  It wasn't easy, then they planned a picnic on the day WE MOvED THEM into their new home.  I'd say it was poor planning, but I think it was how the DD wanted it to go.  Whatever, the mission was going forward and we got the job done.  It was annoying.  Nothing more. 

They're in a little brick home, with a basement, fenced in backyard with an extra lot and they're a minutes drive from the center of town..... near schools, work and Bob's your uncle.  Done and dusted.

I feel really good about that and it's my intention to keep the good feelings flowing. 

My brother considers caretaker to be grandmother to his children.  My sister and i don't share those sentiments.  Caretaker has back stabbed me to the point she's not safe to be near, even though she can't harm me any longer.  She would have and tried.  That's over.

[lighter]

It's been 6 months since this thread was updated.  Lots got done over the last 2 weeks.....

the sheetrock repair in the new bedroom was greatly improved, with some work still required.
The closet in that room got primed, painted and light installed.... looks great.
It's been determined the female contractor won't be doing the LVP on that space or the master bathroom, won't be cutting down the vanity and installing it and won't be painting the sun room ceiling, bc self care.  I get it.

What's left.... plumbing issue, installing barn door and closet doors.  Grouting master bathroom,which is half tile. 


On my list.....I distressed the back of the master door and the corner cabinet next to the distressed fire place mantles....looks really good.
Will distress or paint the master bathroom solid oak vanity, which will look amazing...... it's suffered much water damage, so will end up looking more like old barn wood, than not.  I've figured out how to do one pass with the black/brown glaze and get just what I want.  Will go fast. 

Almost allt he walls are taped off upstairs so I can do a quick pass on the trim and oak doors.... to remove the last of the 80's vibe.

For better or worse,we laid down many different  rugs in the main LR area upstairs.... they fit pretty well,but there's one long area with a curve I need to have something made to fit, where the brick curves around at kitchen's edge. The rugs are covering oil painted sub flooring.

The kitchen looks amazing...need to update the backsplash...the counters are white corian.  My sister spent hours and hours emtying cabinets and paring down items for guests to use.  The family stuff got moved to the out building.  Mostly. 

BTW, any ideas what to do with boxes of Square Dancing records,with calls?  Or the Cowboy country music?  Of the Polkas?  I can feel the joy in them,whenhandling the boxes.  Right now, they're in the outbuilding too. 

Need bathroom shower doors ordered and installed....will do stationary panels.....if I can. There's enough room to do that IF I have a hole added for reaching through to turn water on in the master bath. 

Leaving the downstairs bathrooms alone means this should go pretty quickly.  If I didn't say, my contractor with the high BP said his new meds having him feeling very good...... he wants to come back.  Betweenhim and the female contractor, surely we can get this thing off the ground?

My brother had the decks sprayed with a brown stain.... it's perfect.  I can't say how right he was about that color.  I thought the gray would be better,bc of the brick grout and grey siding,but I was way off.  Brother wants to paint the brick next....not sure about adding more upkeep.  I'm sure it would update the appearance. 

The yard is a meadow, full of flowers and grass gone to seed.   I plan to put out signs saying we're feeding the bees..... I hope guests see it that way.  I don't think regular mowing is in the cards.

As for the Airbnb site.....I have yet to re name the bedrooms.  I think local trees.... perhaps some birds. Trees upstairs, birds below?

That's my update.

Lighter

[lighter]

What a strange weekend..... went to the Lake house and my friend with the foot injury spent the night.  The last time I saw her she was trying to walk without a big limp.  THIS visit she and I were carrying loads to the dumpster, mounting a very tall ladder, handling tools an moving the project forward.... her SIL and brother put in a heavy barn door... it looks great!

Took a load to Goodwill and gave the SIL 3 "court" dresses I hope to never need again.  I'm just sorry the SIL has many court dates in her future regaarding access to a beloved Grandchild she's cut off from.  Such hearthbreak and the Courts just threw out her criimal case against a neigbor who beat her, requiring a trip to the ER.  When it rains, it pours. 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

For me, your lake and island posts are like "reading" HGTV, Lighter.
I got nothin' but am happy for how much you enjoy it.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

The idea of either property being in HGTV gave me a chuckle, Hops. 

[Hopalong]

I know, and I didn't mean it literally.
It's just the FUN you're having with so many elements and decisions.

It's fun to see you savoring it.
Excercising all that artistic freedom.

Bravo!

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

The decision to pull the pinch pleats OUT of the gorgeous draperies we bought from ReStore..... drapes still have tags on them from workroom.... some don't have hems, but they're all over 104" long, but for one panel I have a use for, at about 80 wide.  A lovely pattern on top drawer fabric.....the best linings..... came out of a workroom in California..... never hug.  At 25.00 a panel, they were a crazy good buy 8 years ago.  Kind of crazy they found their place 2 States away.

This means I can cover almost every bedroom wondow with these fantastic black out lined English wood floral and my girls have signed on to help me do that with DD22's fancy sewing machine.  Should be straight sewing and finishing edges..... cutting straight... the girsl can do the stright part.  Not my forte.

My post op buddy met me at the lake a couple weeks ago and we moved truck loads of stuff to the out building and dumpster.... made a run to Goodwill.  Felt amazing.  The place is coming together.

I promised my brother I'd take out the big stained glass window over the kitchen cabinets to let more light in and man... tons more light spilling into the center of the house.  Seeing the sky, trees and clouds feels good too.  Of course, about 50% of those who care HATE the stained glass is gone.  About par for the course. Taking the glass out meant we were on a very tall ladder with tools, handling heavy weight while leaning precariously over the cabinets..... went well and both sides of the remaining clear, if sketchy, glass is clean and looks like a hole in the wall, rather than a window.  It's kinda grand.

I'll likely fetch the draperies, window measurements and work on the remaining flooring this weekend, which I'm not dreading at this point.  Before putting a large room of LVP in with BIL the idea of all that solo measuring and cutting on the saw would have created anxiety.  Not so much, I'm noticing.

What else..... I won't have time to work on anything else, but I'm excited about how the fast and dirty distress of doors came out.  Takes 4 hours approx to do an entire door, front and back.   It would be good to put a bow on the renovations we started over a year ago.  Niece and nephew's B Day party is happening, so that means flooring won't even get started, but lots to do.

It's weird to be sitting in a coffee shop window.... by myself.  Not sure why, but it is.  I think it has more to do with being around people... prolly.  I feel like flinging myself back, by miles, emotionally, from people lately..... like proximity is a disease, but I'm working on calming that down. 

It's me.  I'm "nice" ..... too nice.  What i can change, I'm going to change.  Firstly, will draw energy back to my body and tighten it up.... keep other people out of my space, emotionally and physically as a habit and see what, if anything, shifts. 

Second, I'm going to validate the chaos people  in my neighborhood have sprayed all over the place....... if I get splashed.... I'm standing too close.  Have to figure how to stay out of the splash zone.  THAT is the me part and the only piece I can control.  Will be enough. 

4 out of 6 houses on my street have had big drama.... the latest ambulance call was out of those neightbor's control.... but still.  only 2 of the neighbors are good as gold, never a negative peep lovely people and the single guy shared similar experiences with his dog being pide pipered away by Cowgirl and her sweet treats, and the Retired Nurse ordering him to man the snow throwing machine, even though the snow will be melted in a couple days without breaking our backs.

I'm never blowing snow again.  If a neighbor needs to get to the hospital, I'll drive them.  All three of my vehicles will drive through the snow. WHY in heaven would we need to blow off every single driveway?  I just shovel the tire tracks away so they don't ice over i n my driveway.  Heck, an ambulance can get thm there...... single guy and I have the same small cars...... he's in healthcare.... no reason for me to drive most of them anywhere.  I'll take a few of them, no worries, but the rest shouldn't have to rely on me for that.  Wow...this knd of insecure attachment stuff feels like it's working it's way out of my constitution via my skin sometimes....
ahem....
left armpit. 

Amd I'm not upset about any of this.  I'm clear..... I have clarity and today was a beautiful day. I enjoyed both my kiddos and the pug.  Got more stuff together for the Vets.  Going through kitchen stuff and replacing things I don't love with old family farm things... knives and spoons and what looks like hand wrought BBQ forks, etc.  Cast iron skillets coming in..... cheap skillets going to vets or the island.  I'm in the mood to clean pan bottoms!

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I'm standing too close.

I'm feeling analytical, Lighter toss anything that doesn't ring real:

On the one hand you are very closely observant of and involved with so. many. things. about your neighbors. There are many texts and calls and dramas; neighbors seem to be filling your daily needs for connection. You volunteer for responsibilities ahead of time, like snow transportation, as though it's your automatic role as rescuer. How does this feel? Are there other places in the community you might volunteer without unhealthy vigilance? Make new friends outside the cul de sac, for balance?

On the other hand you feel the need to tighten up so people can't encroach on you.

I don't think I'm sketching a problem as much as maybe a situation to ponder.

You deserve peace, not vigilance, not anxiety, in the place you live.

hugs,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter, that neighbor situation is why I live so far "out". I have enough going on with myself, that OPPs problems are a distraction to me. With only 3 neighbors (not including Hol & S) in the hollar, we do tend to look out for each other but everyone minds their own gardens. Hol & I have done enough work on ourselves and together, that we know when to allow space.

One day last week, it was midmorning or so, I was typing a post on the porch. I had heard a noise which I figured was one of my pack of tomcats or a deer. It was a shock to look up & see a 3-400 lb black bear strolling thru the front yard just as Hol & her friend were about to join me at the studio for some "girl talk". I gathered my stuff right quick and got inside & told her to hold off a few minutes till Yogi moved on. Of course, that resulted in them arriving in a dust cloud of speed in Helga... LOL... Hol still hasn't seen a bear here.

I texted the closest neighbor, coz she seems the anxious type to me, to let her know. She also has a pair of deaf beagles who occasionally wander our way. To my surprise, she laughed and sent me a pic saying - was it this one?? Seems he'd visited them & took a dip in their pond the day before. B has helped the widow's son, at the end of the road with some mechanical issues already. All 3 of the men on the road, already have a working relationship. LOL.

But other than that, there just isn't a lot of social expectation on anyone. Doesn't mean we don't stop & talk. Chit chat stuff. The only time I encounter drama these days is when Hol feels compelled to empty out her head of all her insecurities and fears and old stuff she's still reliving on a visceral level - even though it's no longer actually happening to her. But that's getting less & less, now that she has 3 big dogs to wrangle. She's worn out! 

[lighter]

Lordy, Hops, thanks for the reminder!

When I'm having trouble releasing a negative situation.... I should check myself for resistance to
             accepting
something
             I
                 cannot
        change.
Why does the concept come and go?
 Ummm...bc it messes with my rice bowl, my ability to enjoy pleasant interactions, but mostly it messes with my attempts to release an imagined grip on people's irrational and nonsensical behaviors... as if. 
The LET THEM theory raises it's enlightened head.
Again. 


Amber, I'd like to have a friendly understanding with all my neighbors..... as you're enjoying with yours.  It was nice of you to make that phone call about the bear.  It's nice the guys are helping each other, sans drama. 

Operation
 Don't Get Distracted by OPP
is in full swing.

Lighter

[lighter]

I figured out the math to remove pinch pleats in the black out draperies and cover 4 out of 6 bedroom windows.  DD20 and I recently spent the night and it was a cozy relaxed time after celebrating my niece and nephew's birthdays with my brother

I have another playdate with post op friend coming up.  Not sure if I want to spend it at the lake or in the mountains.  We're supposed to have smoke from Canadian forest fires too, Hops, but I don't really smell it.  Maybe one time I thought I smelled smoke, but lots of people around here grill.  Worrisome.

Lighter

[lighter]

I lost most of my Lake House photos in my old phone..... not sure what happened,. but my sib is sending me lots of hers. I'm about ready to launch the site and open the calendar for 2 months down the road.  I'm sometimes shocked at the level of gambling I'm comfortable with.

I can open it sooner IF I get enough done....will see.  I keep bouncing around with the pricing...... there are many properties, but none are Mama Bear properties, like ours. Many Papa and Baby bear properties.... very odd market, IMO. 

I have most of the description down and continue tweaking it, here and there.  I like this kind of thing.  I don't think I'm great at it, mind you.  I just don't mind working and working and working at it, till it feels OK. 

Lighter