I suggest your DD file a " courtesy report", which is a way to document only. There will be no arrest, BUT your DD will have evidence to show past violence when/ if it happens, IME.
IME she should have him arrested and held accountable. The majority if women don't.
When one makes that first excuse...
When one allows violence without providing logical consequences...
When one begins moving thus kind of boundary, without addressing the cause and requiring apology and work to actively resolve the problem of interpersonal terrorism it rarely, if ever, gets better.
I wonder of your DD can envision her life after marriage....
With young children....
with and without an emotionally unstable, violent husband pushing her boundaries back, inch by inch, training her how to anticipate his moods and fawn, walk on eggshells, attempting to control, handle, minimize his bad moods, outbursts and violence against her and perhaps children.
Violence, IME, shuts down ability to think, act, look down the road and act, IME.
Now is the time for your DD to be proactive and minimize any nightmare scenarios putting her and children in danger, under the control of someone utilizing violence as problem solving tool.
That cannot be in his toolbox, imo. He has to apologize willingly AND follow up with actions....explain what he did, why he did it and take steps to remedy that problem, then follow up with therapy perhaps and then never ever ever assault or threaten her with assault again.
There's no bravery in pretending....in DIM thinking....denial, ignorance, minimization, IME.
Staying the course, gutting through the situation....allowing him to win her trust back with flowers and a tearful apology won't, IME, lead anywhere but down a slippery slope she can't easily get up.
Once married she loses rights, IME. The courts don't serve victims of dv, particularly if they spend energy protecting and shielding the person assaulting them, IME.
The cops stop listening. Attorneys stop. The courts stop.
I hope your DD reaches out to dv groups and resources to help her understand the patterns and diffuculties involved, bc now is the time for 90% research and 10% execution, proactivity and 100% compliance from her future husband to resolve thus issue.
When a man hits and terrorized a woman, he's telling her who he is.
His actions are telling her what she needs to know, even as he apologizes and promises never to do it again.
He DID it, and it's in
His
Toolbox.
That's not acceptable. She deserves better. She advocates for herself or no one does.
She leaves, or she tells him she won't accept that behavior ever again. If he touches her in anger or threatens her again she will know he's not interested in have a relationship with her
And
She
Enforces
That Boundary
Always
Without
Hesitation
And
He
Should
Go
To
Jail
For
Assaulting her to prove she's not allowi,g that boundary to be inched back, which seems to be the standard way women handle these things. It's not good enough. She's worth more and has every right to require safety.
I hope she leaves confusion behind, accepts this man hits women and listens only to his actions.
((((Bettyanne and dd))))
Once she begins hiding the violence, once she picks up his shame for him.....she'll likely pretzel herself into making excus.....
A little research will show her where this likely leads.
Lighter
You DD has to
