Mouse, what a courageous and wise decision. I'm so moved by your choice to not absorb that unkindness any more.
Perhaps the next level of your journey will be to get support in learning how to no longer be brutal or unkind to yourself, in your thinking.
It's really hard work --to change one's own thinking--and I'm still deep in the struggle sometimes. But I'd like to encourage you. It IS a path with rewards and actually different vistas, beauties and layers you just can't see or imagine when your curled up inside with the pain of rejection.
Not the same loss of a dream as yours, but I've been there. Curled up beside the path thinking that others can walk it, but not me. Very slowly, with a determination I'd never had before, I did set down a heavy backpack, full of core hurts.
I think the big ones affect us perhaps all life long. But I've come to believe that even with scars or limps or weaknesses or painful memories, we are equally deserving of love and fulfillment -- in whatever form they come that fits and lifts us.
As the deep bruise heals, healing actually feels like SOMETHING. It's a real process, not just an idea. And you're just as equipped as any human to seek out wise helpers and guides and get hiking.
Bravo.
Hugs
Hops