Hops at home

[Hopalong]

Reporting on ordinary life stuff these days. I think because I'd let go of so much functioning and progress for so long. Now, I'm coming back into my life just as it is, and doing better.

I make the huge vat of soup again. It's a "base" meal for me, which is super healthful since I'm not a fancy cook but really focused on the nutrition. It's stacked in the freezer and it'll nourish me a lot for about three weeks. I can add any protein (even tuna, or soy "ground" like meat or tofu or beans or lentils) or grain (mine's mainly brown rice) or veg (whatever's leftover or maybe frozen) and it's REALLY healthy and satisfying. This is my fourth batch. First two I gave away so much I didn't leave myself more than a few bowls. Third batch, I hogged the whole thing. This batch, I'll give some to neighbors but not before asking first (my English neighbor-friend cooks so much that she's polite about it but I don't think enjoys it too much). I think I'll take a large jar and leave it for the neighbors who've been gone all month, the day they're scheduled to get back.

I've lost a couple pounds, too. I'm back in the saddle on cardio and going faithfully and working harder. I did notice that in hour two of the soup work, angina began in my chest. It didn't get extremely painful, I was just aware of it. I did a ton of chopping: onion, pound of carrots, cabbage and a half, garlic and peppers. But I finished the job and went and relaxed a while for it to cool enough to put in freezer jars. I do feel surprised and happy.

My house got cleaned today and I paid her more than double, since I'd cancelled the last time. I think she put in some real extra effort and it made me happy. Fed crows a bit too late (I think they roost earlier) but noticed a sweet kitty discovered the kitten chow in the grass...she was out there a while.

Funny how doing something that feels like grabbing life again (planning my bday animals celebration) has turned on a little thread of light and happiness in me!

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

For me, focusing on the little things of daily life is like a refuge or sanctuary Hops.  The drama, politics, unexpected disasters & delights of living life in the fast lane is, as far as I'm concerned, for younger people who feel more alive as a result. I did that too... and then just started taking time outs which turned into a slower more intentional - and consequently more peaceful - way to live.

Hol isn't quite there yet and doesn't quite appreciate the freedom in having all that extra space and time. But she's getting there her way.

[Hopalong]

I love the "slower, more intentional" pace idea, Amber.

Now and then I get there but even when I was just making soup, there's a bunch of tension in my body. Something anxious and perfectionistic kicks in. I don't know if that directly caused the angina but it distressed me that it was happening.

I also don't know which is chicken and which egg, when it comes to ADD and/or anxiety. Hard to tell but I'm going forward anyway.

I'm flooded with thinking about my life feeling upended since the diagnosis, and I'm also trying to let those feelings go through and recede and then change my own channel. There is so much I'd like to get done, so much.

Just don't feel as sure of all that as I used to imagine almost unlimited time (which in your 70s is silly regardless of any diagnosis). So I'd say it's just a big wakeup call, but I want to wake up as you're describing: slowly and intentionally. I tend to go from neutral to 4th gear and miss the sensible gradients in between.

Really glad you're being good to yourself. It's not always easy and it's nice that you're willing to drive yourself less hard these days. We are not production machines and we deserve a balance of peace and productivity. I'm glad you're finding peace.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hops, B brought me some more things that might can be mended. Old favorites he really isn't ready to part with. One is a Navy-issue wool sweater that needed some holes repaired. So when the light is good, I've been sitting by the west windows with my needle & leftover needlepoint wool, recreating the knit fabric. (It ain't pretty, but he doesn't care.)

It's reminded me how much I relied on needlepoint to get through the worst of my anxiety fits. It's slow, deliberate, you need to focus attention on your fingers to separate wool strands, organize  colors... read the pattern color code, count... and then, most of the stitching is repetitive. Which provides a serence version of "flow". Only problem is, the gradual disappearance of good sewing shops for finding supplies & kits. The hobby store have some small ones - but the images aren't that great.

I've been watching historical sewing channels on youtube... and one woman's project is to recreate a Victorian velvet, embroidered coat. She doesn't do much handwork, so one vid was her consultation with the Royal Society for Needlework. (YES... they have a website with supplies, tools, and instruction available!!) I'm saving that  online  window shopping trip till after Christmas. The other wildfire idea in my head lately has been making rag rugs - but with soft worn out blue jeans. The weaving frame could be a stout picture frame large enough for the size rug you want or any simple wood rectangle with nails spaced evenly around for the warping... then just cut fabric in strips and  weave over/under the warp strings.

I also have the hooked rug frame my grandpa made gramma. It's adjustable for length, so I can make larger rugs. I need a little B help with it though.

Anyway, needlepoint is super easy and relaxing. You might try a smaller kit over the gray months. Maybe a pretty floral or some birds?

[Hopalong]

That sounds wonderful!
I can just see you set up by a window, weaving with a view of the mountains.
Fantastic.

I lived (in a group house) with a weaver once. Her work was so beautiful. She made me an amazing vest once. Full of different textures and "tied" on the sides with long strands. Dunno how to describe it but you couldn't stop touching the shoulders, which had big patchese of a soft nubby wool. Whole thing was soft, and so warm.

Embroidery is not for me, but I hear you about the connection between handwork and something essentially healing. I know it's true. I think after the clutter's been dealt with, then hand-creativity would be a pleasure. For me, it's most likely to be painting.

My mother did needlepoint, really beautifully, when I was young. The first one she gave me is a prized pillow with a Welsh dragon. Gorgeous, and somehow even prettier with age. Her other work was not as appealing, color wise.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I think I'd really enjoy "official" weaving - there's a lot of planning in the patterns & colors & textures but I still haven't dipped a toe in that medium yet. The handwork I've done since I was six. Hol has a pair of crewel pillows I stitched when I was carrying her - she heard the story years later when I rediscovered them in my "stash". Then I finished them. She's hauled them around - packed - to various places she's lived and now that she's in the Hut finally unpacked them.

Painting would work too Hops. Anything to put the life "'pause" button for you lose yourself in.