Developing A Personality

[sKePTiKal]

Maybe my impression isn't accurate - but aren't there countries where it's the norm (or at least, not uncommon) for strangers to ask to sit when there are plenty of seats? Just for the conversation?

When I was still in HS, some mornings I'd stop at the bakery - which had a little cafe - on my way to school. Every morning there was a group (a "liar's club" in some parlances) of old gents. Some businessmen, some retired, definitely a connection between them. They would discuss current events, bringing in the historical angles, making value judgements... tsk' tsking.... all of that. They would let me sit with them sometimes. I didn't talk, just listened. Guess they saw some value in that.

On the other hand, if I'm having a private convo and don't want to be disturbed - my nanosecond instinct is to flash the trespasser with "the look". I don't care if they're harmless or not; I'm guarding my space. LOL.

[lighter]

I've decided it wasn't appropriate for the old guy to approach our table, bc other tables were available AND DD and I were engaged in conversation.

There were seats everywhere....outside, inside. 

Simply asking him to wait, till we were done, was the move......even if he wanted to argue or ignore me.  Leaving would have felt less helpless.

Welp, another lesson.  Another opportunity.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

A fond (hah) memory:
In the very early 70s when I was in grad school a new female friend and I were sitting in the atrium over a beer and enjoying a very deep conversation. I know it was about ideas, writing, etc, but it was a wonderful talk in a wonderful moment.

A good-looking guy came up, gave a charming smile and said mind if I sit with you?

She and I exchanged a glance (we did mind) and I said to him very nicely and with no hostility whatsoever: Actually, we're just deep into our conversation...

I'll never forget how his face changed in one moment from heyyyyy, here I am and aren't you lucky, to a petulant rich boy who'd never been rejected. He became instantly and genuinely angry and hissed at me, "All RIGHT, Gloria Steinem!" and stomped off.

At least he'd read something. What amused (and saddened) me most was his utter shock at two women simply and politely saying No.

Faint chance, but I also wondered if Lighter's geezer creeper was just lonely? Not that this grants him permission to invade your space, but I don't think it's wrong of him to ASK, may I join you? Great opportunity for saying No.

hugs
Hops