Hi to all on this message board - what a relief and blessing to find information about N's - I have been spending years in therapists' chairs, saying I need to move out of the "mommy approved zone" - giving them the problem and receiving nothing back in understanding or help.
So, I suppose it's time for me to have this info - the control obedience relating, though much of my life has been "spent". Needless to say, for today, I find myself with an abusive N style boss, and for today, though job searching, I'm in my job and believe it's necessary to "get along". My old coping behaviors sometimes take over, the obedience to the ever raising bar - and then I get sickened, depressed and weary - I know better, yet have been having a difficult time setting boundaries, because as with my mother, there are supporting "actors" in her cast, who "back her up" - I sometimes feel threatened for my job, I often bite into a hook that I am "hung" with, out of the control and for today, I enjoyed so much my holiday break being away from all this, I've resigned to just not caring (detachment to the max). Fortunately my boss is out for the week, yet still calling from her hospital bed to "shake me up" with her orders and emails to "get me going" - ugh! I am disgusted with myself as a 46 year old kind, intelligent woman, who is still putting up with this. As for my Mom, I can only see all the damage, I keep my distance and boundaries with her and have paid a high price in the awkward ways I've managed to do that over time.
