define 'fine' therapy/ psychiatry

[Anonymous]

Hi October:

The t then rang a third party, a mutual friend, and told him that I had developed an unhealthy obsession with him, that I was in love with him, and that I was emotionally unstable. He quoted part of the letter in support of his argument.

This is totally and utterly unprofessional (and depending on his liciensure, it may also be illegal).

Any therapist has a moral obligation to maintain client confidentiality.
Most licienses require this as well and can be revoked for not doing so.

Regardless......by disclosing information to a third party from a letter you sent him, he showed a total and utter disregard for his moral obligation to maintain the confidentiality assumed of him, as a professional.

This is outrageous!!  And....you could report him to whoever issues his liciense, if he has one, if you choose to, or you could sue him, which I bet is an unrealistic idea at this point.

I'm sorry that you had this awful experience with this jerk!!!  

GFN

[Anonymous]

October & GFN,

If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy. That's what I remember. Correct me if I'm wrong. It was a horrible experience with a sociopath.

bunny

[Anonymous]

If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.

Double shame on him!!!  

Some ministers and pastors would be in big trouble from their superiors, if they behaved like this because:

Any therapist has a moral obligation to maintain client confidentiality.

Especially those of ...the cloth!!!  What a double jerk!!  Those with higher power in his "church" aren't doing their job either if they allow him to behave like this without consequence, which is sad and disgusting too!!

It was a horrible experience with a sociopath.

Again, sorry you had to experience that October.

GFN

[October]

October & GFN,

If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.

bunny

That's right.

[Anonymous]

October & GFN,

If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.

bunny

That's right.  I told the Bishop about it, and he said that I had to 'learn to let go' of this person, who was my Vicar, and had by then (a few months later) moved house.  It sounded as if the Vicar had told him the same story.  He had no interest whatever in the abusive aspects of this experience.  

     

That minister is still out there, and still perfectly free to continue therapy with other vulnerable people.  However, when you come over, we can add him to the list, Bunny ...

Speaking as someone with a Bsc. in Psychology who spent 9 years in therapy with a Freudian analyst - I would beg people to be more careful when picking their therapists.  I would certainly ensure they were affilliated to organisations such as the BACP or get a personal recommendation.  My sister's life has been destroyed having lashed out in excess of £40,000 to charlatans who believe in mediaeval practices.  My other sister and I are in the process of making our second complaint.  BE VERY CAREFUL PLEASE.....

Kindest regards

[October]

I would beg people to be more careful when picking their therapists.  I would certainly ensure they were affilliated to organisations such as the BACP or get a personal recommendation.  

Thanks for that.  Email now sent to professional conduct; BACP.  Somebody has to have trained and accredited Michael.  

In terms of being more careful, well, that is a whole subject in itself.  How do we know what to look for when this is all such a new area to us?  I now know what to beware of, but I had absolutely no idea then, and my GP did not protect me from any of it, so it seems she was also not clear.  

However, I am very sorry indeed to hear about your sister.  

[vunil]

In terms of being more careful, well, that is a whole subject in itself. How do we know what to look for when this is all such a new area to us? I now know what to beware of, but I had absolutely no idea then, and my GP did not protect me from any of it, so it seems she was also not clear. Confused

This isn't a perfect sign, but if the person has a PhD from a good school (that you have heard of) and/or an MD from a good med school, then I have found that there is a greater chance they'll be good or at least not out-there-wacky.  And that they'll know some good stuff.   I personally think that the PhD is more of a good sign than an MD, but that may just my prejudice.

OF COURSE this is not foolproof!  But it's a start.  Also, the better business bureau takes complaints against psychologists, as does the APA, I think.  I've never done it, but you guys are realizing that next time I should check for complaints!  What nightmare stories you tell.   Yikes.

That said, I've had a great therapist who had a masters and no PhD. It's just an imperfect rule.  For me it's worked pretty well, though.

[mum]

October: in regards to your story regarding that sicko minister/delusional quack: When his superior supported his crap, I thought:  (apologies to those very kind and exceptional males we know are in our lives) there is a bit of a male conspiracy that keeps men in "clubs" of opinion, lacking in conscience or consiousness, driven by.....what?  Fear of women?  Hatred of women?  OK, so I may have just read WAY too much into your situation, but my god, not even to question such a claim?
Makes me want to spit.  In that direction.

[vunil]

Makes me want to spit. In that direction.

Me, too!

Grrrrr.

[Anonymous]

(apologies to those very kind and exceptional males we know are in our lives) there is a bit of a male conspiracy that keeps men in "clubs" of opinion, lacking in conscience or consiousness, driven by.....what?  Fear of women?  Hatred of women?

There is an "old boys network" of church leaders protecting each other. Same goes with doctors, psychotherapists, attorneys, etc. They will sacrifice any number of victims to protect their image. Women in organizations will do the same. It's a circling the wagons mentality. With that said, I'm sure the vast majority of church officials are male.

bunny

[October]

Fear of women?  Hatred of women?  OK, so I may have just read WAY too much into your situation, but my god, not even to question such a claim?
Makes me want to spit.  In that direction.

You are right.

[Anonymous]

October,

Is this bishop the only person who has any authority here? Obviously he's in collusion with this Michael character and doesn't want to deal with any problems. It was sooo easy to squelch a mere parishioner with no clout. And you may not have been the only one squelched by this comedy team.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hello all,

And what do we see in Patriarchal societies? Unattached women are regarded as dangerous or deviant, and the men need protection from them.

Uh, let me insert a chauvinistic note' here. The most vicious reactions to unattached women that I have seen have been from married women, not church leaders or men. My wife agrees and in fact first pointed it out to me. We have had several single women leave our church because they were seen as too pretty or too attractive or too friendly. And it wasn't the pastor who rode 'em out of town on a rail, it was insecure married women acting on their own.

I think it was mum who said it was the herd mentality at work. In the church most of the herd is men. But anyone who has seen a group of snotty teen cheerleader types ride some poor outcast girl until she's suicidal, knows that herds come in all shapes and sizes.

I must admit I have never been to a therapist, and after reading this thread I probably never will. I think I'll use the money I save to pay my lawyer to drive my brother to therapy. Yeah, thats the ticket.
Does that sound mean?
mudpupu

[Brigid]

This has been a very interesting and informative thread to read.  I had never been in any kind of therapy prior to my current divorce situation, so I have limited experience.  I do believe that connecting with the therapist I have was divine intervention (along with several other things that happened on my behalf) because I could not imagine finding anyone better.  He is partners with a friend of mine who recommended him to me.  They are an entire practice of therapists who are religiously connected (mine happens to also be an Episcopal priest) and have divinity degrees as well as psychology degrees.  I would have to say that he has saved my life and even though I have a long way to go be healed from this trauma, I have come miles from where I was 16 months ago when the two of us watched my H get up and walk out to never come back.

I would disagree that you cannot be friends with your therapist as I feel we have become very good friends and kindred spirits.  I look forward to the day when we no longer have a professional relationship and I can meet his wife and we can have a relationship as friends.  I most likely will join his church in the future and with any luck, maybe he'll remarry me someday.  I know he prays for that for me.

I suppose some people might think there is something unprofessional about this relationship, but it has worked for me and I always feel better when I leave my time with him.  He acts more as a guide through the process of discovering where my pain is coming from and what I will have to do to heal it, rather than putting me through psychological exercises.  

As someone once told me about choosing a church and I think the same would apply to therapy, you must go where you feel nourished.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

mudpup,  Good therapy is incredibly relieving and supportive. I look at it the same as hiring a doctor, attorney, or contractor. We have to be careful because there are charlatans and incompetent people out there. Therapists are no exception. A good one is fantastic and a bad one only causes more problems.

Brigid, I don't see anything wrong with your therapy relationship. What matters is the therapist's boundaries and the one you see has good boundaries.

bunny