But, how do you know if someone is truly a narcisisst.
Hi forwardbound- welcome.
I dated someone very similar sounding to you. My relationship lasted 5 years but I don't think so literally, as like you, we had constant separations. Things can't get too intimate for N's (narcissists) or those with N traits, and when they feel things are getting too close they
create reasons/situations for breakups. Things like starting huge arguments over nothing that lead to them separating from you, or them provoking you with things they know hurt you, all the while acting like they are oblivious they are hurting you, so
you will be the one to split up with them. That way they make it look like you are the one that wanted to end the relationship in the first place, and that they are a mere "victim" of your wishes.
Boy do they ever twist around everything.... I'd almost forgotten how much. No wonder it's hard to tell up from down when you get out of the relationship.
There is such thing as someone with N traits, and I believe that is exactly what my x boyfriend had. Not full blown maligant narcissism, but traits.
I determined the dif. by reading all I could on narcissism and reading & interacting on these N boards with a passion for many months just after we split up. That was a year & about 8 -9 months ago now.
About how to move on-- the only thing I can think to say, is to just
do it. If I gave myself that advice at the time it would not have helped, so I don't know if you find it helpful either. But that is what finally worked for me & so many others. It is
not easy at all when you still feel attracted in some form, but
zero contact and taking things day by day is how a lot of people finally let go. Before you know it 1, 2, 3 months have passed (albeit painful months) but your perspective will very slowly begin to change. If you can keep up the absolute zero contact for say, a year, it will help you very much. You will gain a lot of strength and self insight.
I truly wish you the very best....
BT
