Somatic vs Cerebral N's Questions....

[longtire]

mum, I didn't take your post badly at all.  In fact, I agree 100% with you.  I'm not paying much attention to this relationship right now, I need the emotional distance to figure my own stuff out.  I'm reading and thinking on boundaries right now and am starting to get some glimmers of comprehension.  I feel a little guilty about posting this and feel like I hijacked the thread.  That wasn't my intent, I just started typing and this came up like a hairball.  Yuck!

[mum]

Longtire: I'm glad you took no offense.  "hairball"...very funny.... and makes an awesome image.
I don't really understand the "hijacking a thread" thing.  But I am so right brain I'm kinda surprised I am successfully functioning adult....
When threads go off on a tangent...that's fine with me, as that's the way I think.  I guess I should be more aware that people feel attached to what they start... hope that's not N, but maybe very spacey....(oops is that N, too?)

The original poster was talking about two different types of N sexual behavoir.  I stand by my original response....I understand the need to figure it out...but personally, if it feels bad, move on.

[(dre)]

Well, last night my ex called on my cellphone while me and my girlfriend were out. He was drunk, slurring, and wanted to know what I was up to. I mentioned I was out with my friend (who he hates just for the sake I have friends and he doesn't). and he wants to "talk" to her for a minute.

Well, he forgot when we split up he said now I can go "whore around" with this particular friend. (I told her this comment).  So when I handed her the phone she just let him have it! She told him he's an ass, he can stop calling me, that I don't want to talk to him, and then he starts calling her names and swearing at her!

He said that this friend is not looking out for my best interests..(and HE is?) She said, yeah, like you really care about dre, why does she have bruises on her arms all the time? He says, but I do care about her. Then she told him he's nothing but white trash, he's a loser, a woman beater, and he's lucky if he passes his police exam and physch test cuz he's a nut case! Anyway, he got more abusive and she hung up. Then he tried calling back several times and we shut my phone off.

Then I get home this am and find a msg on my machine from him. It had to been after my friend yelled at him. He's crying, and saying he's sorry things didn't work out with us, but I shoulnd't trust my friend, or him, and I should just trust myself. He said he does care about me and he's sorry, then just hangs up. Then I find a msg on my cellphone with him callling at six am! he says he doens't care what me and my friend think of him, and I need not call his phone anymore, he mumbles a bit and hangs up.

I just laughed. I went out and had so much fun last night, and I've been spending more time with this friend who he hated me to be with. We dont' do anything wrong, have a few drinks, talk about men, dance, and we sure don't whore around.  I got home today and just sat there at my table, thinking I AM FREE....who cares what he thinks? My friend stood up and said things I've been scared to say out loud to him. We agreed last nights that friends always come before men....

This guy is a miserable SOB and no matter who he meets, he will always drag his emotional baggage around. It might be good for him and another girl for a while, but as we all know, until you get help, life will always be difficult and never full. He can get as many degrees, and women, and money, but he will always be an empty man. With an emotional level of a toddler stomping his feet when he doesn't get his way.

I HAVE WON! Just by knowing I can move on. By actually moving on. And reaching the point where I can look on him in pity...because he will never know LOVE>>>>>>>>

[Anonymous]

Good job dre,
The pity thing doesn't occur, in my opinion, until we have made a commitment to end the harm they are doing, and realize the problem is their's not ours. Prior to that we have self pity and anger and maybe confusion. You're definitely spreading your wings.

mum wrote,

I remember something from my religious upbringing....a line in the Bible, perhaps (mudpup can fill in the blanks...) it's about love not keeping a record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. Its a great read no matter what your faith.
 
Longtire wrote,

she said that her calendar showed that it hadn't been 6 months between, but only 3-4 months maximum.

HELLLOOO! Earth to N. 3-4 months maximum is not exactly burning up the sheets. What does she say, "longtire its December for crying out loud, we already did it three times this year, I'm getting sore."
Its too bad these people can't appreciate the sick humor they provide.

Mudpuppy

[Brigid]

Dre,

Mudpup in all his wisdom wrote:

The pity thing doesn't occur, in my opinion, until we have made a commitment to end the harm they are doing, and realize the problem is their's not ours. Prior to that we have self pity and anger and maybe confusion.

I totally agree with this and didn't realize that was what I was feeling/doing until I read that statement.  But I'm further along than you are and the pity is definitely swinging more toward him than me these days.

Be VERY proud of the progress you've made and keep that friend close to help you stay committed.  I wish I could tell you that you would never step back again, but most likely you will and you may have doubts of your decision.  Stay strong, get through it and continue to praise yourself for rejecting him.  Eventually the pull he has will get looser and looser and you will go further and further in the other direction.  Keep thinking about how you want and deserved to be treated by a man who supposedly loves you and compare than to how this man actually treated you.  You know you are worth more than that.

Good job (dre).  Don't look back!!

Brigid

[mum]

Dre: GOOD JOB!  The nice thing about freedom is that experiened enough, it ismuch more powerful than the pull these idiots had over us!  Whenever you feel bad, let that bad feeling go, and fill yourself up with that powerful, free feeling you expressed last night.  You get to feel that way whenever you want!!!  Nice to have choices, isn't it?