Money is her God! N Mother is a scrooge! Anyone have that?

[zeene]

Mudpup

thanks for writing to me.
 
  When I first heard that story of Judas in primary school, the first person I thought of was my N mother.  Also whenever I'd get a wispy kiss on the cheek for my birthday I'd think how fake it was.  Of course it never came from the heart...just something she had learnt to do.

There have been many instances over the years where N mother has taken and taken financially from me...she's LIED about not having money.  And in the times when I've needed real help ....even such thing as needing a cake of soap in a hospital...she's never given a bloody thing...just left me there without...without shoes...without anything.
But this is what Ns do...they expect the whole world owes them a living, and they don't have to give at all for some reason.

I rang Lifeline (telephone counselling) the other night and talked and it helped.  I got the thing out that was bothering me.  Still one memory in there that's not pleasant at all...but can't mention it here.  You wouldn't believe it...it is so disgusting.  It's hard...because I don't think its fit for human ears.

Nice to meet you  and thanks for listening to me.

Bye  

Zeene

[mum]

Wow, just catching up today.  I can hardly believe the N/money addicts that get to walk this earth... I thought my ex was bad (cares not about his children...tries to shut them up, holds onto his money like it is far more important than them...and they know this!)

((((((Zeene, Anna, GFN, others))))))
What you describe is the evil on this earth.
Bless you all.  Sending you all love and healing.  

This is what I think about those miserable "people": may they cuddle up with thier cold hard cash every night and enjoy a coffin lined with it while they deal dirty money and hatred  with other souls in hell (actually , THEY are in "hell" now.... it rather describe thier "life" doesn't it?)

[zeene]

with thier cold hard cash every night and enjoy a coffin lined with it while

]http://my N mother will make sure she's spent it all on herself...believe me...there won't be any left to line the coffin with...she'd be scared someone might take some for themselves.

[zeene]

Mudpup and Mum

The thing that gets me:  Why do Ns carry on as if they haven't done anything wrong?  This is just like Judas, yes.  except that Judas was sorry for his act and later hung himself from a tree...if I am remembering correctly.  But this N mother of mine appears to have NO CONSCIENCE and shows no remorse for anything...and you'll never get a confession out of her or an admission of guilt or own up or anything like that.  

There's only one person that doesn't show remorse...and that's the DEVIL.

So yes, I agree with you Mum, they are EVIL.

Focussing on myself, I finally feel like I have taken some control over my life....by finally dropping the B****.   No more ritual present-giving just to keep the peace and stop her from whinging..

I'm feeling happier than I've ever felt.  I FEEL FREE!!!!

Zeene

[kelly as guest]

I just ran across this thread and it made me think.  My mom doesn't withhold money from me.  In fact, she often gives me money for things my kids are involved with.  The only catch is she doesn't OFFER the money.  I have to ask.  This gives her some kind of power over me.  It forces me to be dependent on her and that keeps her POWER over me.  I have learned to not feel guilty about taking the money because it helps my kids have the things that I cannot afford.  The other thing I think (and if someone thinks I am wrong, then let me know...........) is that I think my mother (who is wealthy) should help me more so I can spend more time with my children.  I have been working as a single parent and barely getting by for years..............meanwhile, my children have to raise themselves during the summer because I have to work.  Meanwhile, my mother has millions and she could help me out while the girls are little.  I think she is being stingy with her wealth to the detriment of my children in order to punish me.

[mudpuppy]

Hi Kelly and zeene,

Kelly, you got heads, zeene got tails. You are both suffering from the same thing, which is a control freak, just the flip sides of the same coin.

The other thing I think (and if someone thinks I am wrong, then let me know...........) is that I think my mother (who is wealthy) should help me more so I can spend more time with my children. I have been working as a single parent and barely getting by for years..............meanwhile, my children have to raise themselves during the summer because I have to work.

I don't think you're wrong at all. You are supporting yourself and your girls. You are behaving responsibly. The very least your mother could do, if she wasn't such a creep, is help you out to the point of you being able to work only part time, at least unil your girls are older.
Sorry she's such a rotten selfish mother.

zeene,

Why do Ns carry on as if they haven't done anything wrong?......But this N mother of mine appears to have NO CONSCIENCE and shows no remorse for anything...and you'll never get a confession out of her or an admission of guilt or own up or anything like that.

You pretty much answered your own question there.
They either don't have a conscience or they suppress it so deeply, because of their disorder, that they either don't know that they have done something wrong or they just don't care or actually get some pleasure from the harm they do.
I know others disagree, but my own opinion is they are conscience of right and wrong and they choose, make a conscious choice, to do the wrong thing knowing full well the harm it will cause. Now maybe their PD or N tendencies make it very difficult for them not to do harmful things, as it is a type of defense mechanism, but it is still a conscious and willful choice to value themselves and what they see as their self interest over the well being and in fact the life of every other being on the planet. In fact all other beings on the planet. I bet most people with NPD would choose to preserve their facade even if it meant the rest of humanity went down the drain.
For that reason I agree with you, they are evil. At the very least, they are governed by evil.

(((((zeene and kelly)))))

mudpup

[longtire]

Kelly and Zeene, you both were (are) treated very badly.  Even though the techniques are totally different, I think the answer to both is basically the same, to detach to a safer emotional distance.  Zeene, it sounds like you are really starting to do this and already feeling better.  Great for you!  That's hard work.  Kelly, I'm sorry that your mother isn't able to care enough about you to want to help you and to seek you out to give help.  It sounds like she is willing to help, but doesn't have enough connection with you to know where you are and what is going on in your  and kids' lives.  Sad for her.  The good news is that you have the choice to ask for that help or not.

[zeene]

Mudpup

Yes, I agree with you

"they are conscious of right and wrong".  

Thanks so much for an excellent explanation.  It clarifiies things.....but makes me hate her all the more for that smirk on her face after she has done something to hurt, annoy or frustrate me....mainly its all about depravation with this N.  After reading your explanation it makes me HATE her all the more...and memories just come up of that look of satisfaction on her face after she has done something bad to me.

I will print out your explanation...it helps understand the evil B****.

Longtire

You said "to detach to a safer emotional distance"  thanks for putting it into words for me.  Yes, I feel SAFE now.  I've made the decision to stay away.  I realize I have been addicted to pain for a long time now.  Wished I would have got out years ago.


See yas around on the board

Zeene

[mudpuppy]

Hi zeene,

I know it is very tempting to hate your 'mother'.

But if its possible it really helps to learn to hate their behavior and the consequences of it rather than the person themselves.
Mainly because hatred of another person, especially one you have no contact with, doesn't really harm them or help you in any way. In fact, the only person it harms is you. It can make you bitter, angry and vengeful.
I have found it better to try and work the anger off anyway possible or redirect it toward the actions themselves and try to concentrate instead on how pathetic, miserable and sometimes pathetically, miserably comical the Ns life is.
I'm pretty sure the smirk of satisfaction on your mother's face was in lieu of admitting how pathetic her life is and how jealous and envious she is that you are a real human being with real emotions.
The essence of it is they aren't worth hating. There isn't enough there to hate. What they do to others is hateful and hateable but they themselves are really only half formed, whining, lying, little brats stuck in an adults body, never knowing happiness or love or the pleasure in caring about somebody else.
Maybe as you digest just exactly what she is and what motivates her you can get past the hate to some type of pathetic pity. Then maybe  someday down the road, you won't think too much about her at all. Its something to hope for, anyway.

mudpup

[zeene]

The essence of it is they aren't worth hating. There isn't enough there to hate. What they do to others is hateful and hateable
Maybe as you digest just exactly what she is and what motivates her you can get past the hate to some type of pathetic pity. [/quote]


You sound like a really wise person, Mudpup.  I took in every word you said.  I know I'll re-read it a few times.

Yes, I see what you mean about hating what they do, and not the person themselves.  I hope I get to that stage of pitying....I know the hate isn't helping me...I've ground down all my teeth.

I wonder if anyone has ever produced a comedy about them?  It would certainly help if I could laugh at her behaviour.   Is there a site here I wonder where people who have been abused by Ns can contribute all the funny things that Ns have done.  


I appreciate all you've offered.  Thanks for your insights.

Zeene

[mudpuppy]

Hiya zeene,

You sound like a really wise person, Mudpup.

Wise. That's pretty funny. Good one zeene.

Not wise, just run over by an N and lived to tell the tale.

I've ground down all my teeth.

Funny you should say that. About three weeks ago I wrote a nice angry post about how I was grinding my teeth down as I steamed about my brothers latest escapade. I wonder if this board could offer a group dental plan.

Is there a site here I wonder where people who have been abused by Ns can contribute all the funny things that Ns have done.

There used to be a thread called 'most N comments ever' or something pretty close to that. If you've got some doozies maybe you could resurrect it.

I hope you can keep on progressing in your healing from what your mother did to you. I think maybe the biggest step a person can take you already have, and that is finding out what is wrong with her. It explains all the bizarre behavior and helps us to see the manipulations and applied guilt for exactly what it is.
I know for me it was like somebody turned on a flood light. I had seen and noted all these symptoms but could never understand them or put them into a coherent whole. And that made me wonder if I was actually seeing things correctly. Once I found out what makes them tick, the pattern of their thought, and that there are millions of people like me who have gone through the same thing it was the beginning of getting him out of my head. He's still there, but he's hanging on by his fingernails and pretty soon he's going to let go completely. I'm gonna have a big party when he does.    
I hope you can have a going away party for your mom too.    

mudpup