free speech etc

[write]

I was thinking about this after another thread, when someone said of course I have a right to my opinion!

But I think loads of times I don't really believe it and am expecting something awful to happen.

For years- I've been waiting for something really bad to happen  and it will all be my fault.

The psychiatrist says adult children of alcoholics have problems like this.

Isn't it hard that you just can't think it all through and then it goes away...

[Anonymous]

My opinion about opinions.

There's having an opinion and there's expressing the opinion. Some people will take umbrage and there may be consequences. It also depends on the manner in which the opinion is expressed. It takes a certain amount of ego strength to state one's opinion diplomatically; and stand by it in the face of disagreement, anger, attempts to shut one down, etc. So it's not surprising that many ACOAs believe an opinion is going to destroy everyone. But it won't. The worst that would happen is that people disagree and get all excited. That's not the same as destruction. It's just some activity.

bunny

[write]

I talked about a horrible what felt like over-reaction but in some ways it's done me a favour. I experienced someone's anger and rejection and survived.

To get to this point though- I had to let go of that thought process how could someone treat me like this...

I just didn't get that some people will be unkind no matter what I do.

My parents were ( dad= are ) like that.

I could never do enough to please them.

I can be so assertive and take charge and be so capable- yet inside is this small child who just waits to be taken care of.

I seee now where I've left that part of me vulnerable. And who looks for vulnerable people? Not the kind or compassionate as a rule.

If this doesn't make sense entirely- it's because I am typing as I think/ feel it. It just seems important somehow to me reaching that place where I don't care what narcissistic people think of me, and I'm able to terminate a relationship 30 seconds after someone is acting out, abusive or it hurts.

[Jaded911]

I have always respected people who voice their opinions.  Like I said in another thread, it might be the same opinion I have but by all means I would rather they voice their opinions then remain silent.

I was raised by non-N parents.  They were two of the most dysfunctional people I have ever known.  Neither one of them communicated very well with us kids.  The only opinions they voiced were the "how you should have done this, why you are wrong and never do anything right" or they barked orders at us without giving us the chance to voice our opinions or feelings about the matter.

Better yet we got the silent treatment.  This usually consisted of us trying to rack our brains to try to figure out what they wanted from us or what we did wrong, etc.....  I began to appreciate people who were forthcoming with their opinions and feelings.  I would rather know right up front what someones opinions or feelings are about something.  I spent way to many years playing the guessing games with my dysfunctional family.  I wanna know right from the get go and I welcome most opinions rather I agree or disagree with them.

[longtire]

I can be so assertive and take charge and be so capable- yet inside is this small child who just waits to be taken care of.

write, I feel the same way.  I'm still trying to figure out what to do about this in counseling.  If you figure it out let us know!  I keep reminding myself that I am actually in fact a capable adult and not a child.  That helps a bit, but doesn't really address the feeling of being emotionally "young" that keeps coming back.

If this doesn't make sense entirely- it's because I am typing as I think/ feel it. It just seems important somehow to me reaching that place where I don't care what narcissistic people think of me, and I'm able to terminate a relationship 30 seconds after someone is acting out, abusive or it hurts.

It makes perfect sense to me.