Welcome, Cydonia. It has been my experience that most, if not all, of the folks here will understand what you are feeling now. I am so sorry you hurt and are afraid. It is pretty amazing the kind of mind games that get played. There is not something wrong with you. Most likely, as mud said, the things that got you into that relationship are the same things that make you a wonderful person. It's ok. Trying to figure out what it is that brought you into that situation might be helpful, perhaps later on. But torturing yourself with it isn't very productive and won't make a whole lot of difference at the moment.
If it's any consolation, I've been right where you are and sometimes still am. Walking through the fire isn't fun. Being afraid isn't either, but both things will help you grow. You will be ok. Soon you will see this as past. Until that time, try to breathe, relax. See yourself as already on the other side of this..you have done a brave thing, are doing a brave thing.
You are powerful, though the N's behavoir may make you think otherwise. It is a feat, not letting our patterns drive our reactions. Those patterns, for me, include worrying about what everyone else thinks of me, as if the outside is somehow more important than the inside. I get knocked off balance by stuff, when I know, deep down, my intentions are good. Stay with your good intentions. Don't let the N damage talk anymore. You're ok. Right now, you're ok.
Post again, let us know how you are doing. Sending you lots of light and love.
