I think the main thing I learned lately: that you never have it totally together.
Just when you think you've got a handle on things: WHAM! You don't. It's the fluidity of life that this teaches us. Acknowledging that we are human, that frailty is an essential part of us is very scary. There is no solid ground. It's not there. It's always changing.
But in knowing that, it's not that it makes life any easier, it just makes us less attached to figuring it all out, and gives us a chance to forgive ourselves for not knowing it all.
I think this sums it up for me: "Let go. Attachment equals suffering."
It's a choice. I mean the suffering. Pain is inevitable, really, because we are human, but taking pain as a learning tool and not making it a lifestyle is a choice. Best learned while slogging through the swamps of pain, unfortunately...
You'll be ok. I remember feeling like I was on the bottom of the ocean, not really sure if I should hang out down there (couldn't get any lower) or maybe come up again, swim out, as it were. But it was when I realized I was down there by choice, that I got to decide to explore how bad it felt (very important, by the way, IMO) and how long I would do it, that I saw my way up again.
Realizing it was a choice...my choice....was so empowering for me. And that's something I needed to get good at: realizing and using my power instead of feeling like a victim.
Now, I should let you know that this was 9 years ago, and a mere year and a half ago, I found myself, yet again, at the bottom....a different part of that ocean, but still the bottom. And I learned that all over again. Slow learner. But I can see now, that I spend less and less time down there, mucking about, because with repetition, I have learned a new habit of picking myself up and choosing some other way to do things.
And I fully expect I will get my face in the mud again, and will be saying "didn't I already learn this? Man, this stinks!!" And then I will figure it out again, and make another choice....again.
The idea that we, as humans, can have it all, figure it all out, have all the answers is a waste of energy, in my opinion. We spend so much time arguing that we know what is right or true, becoming attached to that, as if it defines us, that we miss life entirely. Some things we are attached to DO define us, as in those who struggle for a public cause... but knowing how brief this life is, how it can change in a instant is as humbling as it is shocking.
There are sooooo many ways to do life, and all so interesting.
I made a decision to set my intention to be loving and to try my best to have that guide my choices. Beyond that, the ground I walk on is ever changing. But I have faith that I can deal with that, and if I try and stay connected to a higher self/consiousness (God?) I can get a little help there.....
I hope to be helpful, not preachy. All in all, you have to go through this yourself...all the advice in the world will only help when the time is right.
I wish you well. Sending you light and love, Newby.
