Will my father see the light about my nmum

[2224Jessica]

Hello everyone,
My NMum completely controlls my Dad and he is dependant on her. He just takes her abuse. She is disrespectful to him and I don't know why he puts up with it. When we were kids, he was caring and understanding. He's blinded by her and goes along with whatever she wants. I wrote him a letter about how mum raised us and how she hurt us but he hasn't replied. I think he's just hoping things will work out.   I can sense that he cares. Will he ever see what she's like and leave her? Or have I lost him forever.

[daughter4]

I am in your exact same situation. Here's what I did.... A few months ago, after no contact because of her continuous cruelty and cut downs of dad, I told my mom that I would NOT be around her anymore if she does not stop being cruel to him in my prescence. I told her it is WRONG for her to be doing this. You wouldn't believe it, she backed down and has only a few times slipped up. I had started standing up to her this last year though. She cuts everyone down around her but most of all my dad.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Will he ever see what she's like and leave her? Or have I lost him forever.

This sounds like my stepdad Jessica.  He doesn't stand up to Mum at all, always just goes with the flow... and when Mum was dragging me by the hair he'd really cringe, physically cringe, and then say "go with her, it will hurt more if you don't"  He couldn't understand why I resisted when Mum dragged my hair.

With my stepdad, he will automatically stick up for her, however yours maybe different.

Maybe in time he will see her the way you do.... you've planted the seed with your letter so it's up to him.  I wish we could answer your question but it's just impossible to say.

((((((((((((((((Jessica)))))))))))))))))))

H&H xx

[darky]

my dad is the same, a simple fellow who just goes with the flow to keep a quiet life! he said to me "you know what shes like" before he cut me down and told me i had to get on with my life. shes spent a lifetime keeping things from him and he utterly stands by her. the more i downed my mum the further he went away from me and listened to my mums poisen about what a bad preson i am and how i am the one who resents her. she was using my protests against me to him. my advice, dont diss your mum in front of your dad, just tell him to respect how you feel like you respect him, and leave it at that. in my opinion, like my dad,yours is just a victim too, its unlikley he will see the light now if he hasnt done already.

[mia]

I think that any individual in a relationship as long as your Dad is unlikely to make major changes after putting in so many years....N or no N involved.

Most folks are pretty set in their ways at that point.
Sorry.

[marie]

My mother also was very abusive to my father.  Was  is the word.  He moved out this summer after I sent him a plane ticket to come to my daughters wedding because my mother did not think that they could afford for the both of them to come. 

My father is a very quite man and never talks bad about anyone.  While my dad was staying at my home I sat down with and had a real long talk.  He had told me about some things that my mother did to him and I can tell you I was horrified.  When we would get into fights she would take it out on my father because she said that I loved him more and he was going to have to pay the price of that love. 

I told my father that to save his own sanity he needed to move out and leave her.  She would alway tell everyone that she wished that he would move out because she felt that he was to boring anyway.  He moved in with his sister after the wedding was over and when she came back home he was already gone. 

She tells everyone that she is relieved that he is gone and now she can go on with her life and do the things that she wants to do and he will not be cramping her style.

My father new that she was not dealing with a full deck and he knew that the relationship was not healthy.  He was afraid that my brother and myself would be mad at him if he left.  I told him that I thought it was the best thing that he could do was to move out. 

When I talk to him now he sounds so much better (at peace).  My mom on the other hand is still not happy.  She will never be happy as long as she lives. She can't blame him for anything now that goes on between her and myself.   I just feel so bad that he took so much abuse from her.  It still hurts me to think about it.  Thank god we were able to talk about it and he was able to get out of that abusive relationship.

Marie

[Marta]

Wow Marie, that's quite a coup. Congratulations on your success in being able to get your dad to see the light. In time for him to start all over again. I hope that your aunt is a nice person who can help him recover his sense of self.

Marta