ps. parenting: little messages...

[write]

I was waiting in line tonight and got talking to a mother with two young girls.
The smallest was pulling on her mum and whining. The mum said 'I've been with children all day, the last thing I want is come home and listen to you!'

She was a pleasant lady and would probably be horrified if she saw it written down...

[Portia]

I wonder write! I wonder if she would be horrified?

I don’t know why some people have children. Well I do. To take their revenge on their parents and act it out on their children.

I watch my kind, loving, helpful neighbour interact with his very young child and see how much of the interaction is him looking for affirmation of himself in the child’s eyes – and how much of his attention is actually focussed entirely on what the child sees, wants, needs. It seems weighted in the former. Most people just can’t help themselves using their children in some way or another it seems.

You know what? Sometimes I think I’d really give it all up now just for a glimpse into the future about 100 years maybe. Or longer. 'Did we make it?' kind of thing.

Did I mention the time a mother turned to her little (pre-school I’d guess) son and said, because he’d moved and was sitting with me: “What’s the matter? Don’t you like us any more?”

YUK. ICK.  People.

[2224Jessica]

Yeah I feel upset when I hear parents somehow depending on their children or taking out their daily frustrations on them. It breaks my heart. I'm a big believer in positive affirmation of children. I say to my son who's nearly 4, you are so special and i am so lucky to have you. I see it as in children don't get a choice who their parents are but they naturally adore their parents. Parents have the choice to have children so with that choice, there is a resonsibility to raise them like you would have liked to be raised. There is a difference between disaplining your kids and emotionally hurting them and disrespecting them.
However I'm sure all parents stuff up every now and then, I do. But when I do I go to him and say, I'm sorry, mummy was wrong when I did such and such. Then I say, sometimes big people make mistakes too and I just made a mistake. He then often gives me a hug. I think parents who think they can say things like that and not realize that it was quite harsh upsets me, especially if she said that in public, what does she do in private.
Jessica

[reallyME]

Parents need to realize that children are NOT EXTENTIONS of themselves.  It infuriorates me when I not only see a child being put in a position to bring attention to a so-called "parent" but also when I see adults who are still attached to "mommy" and "daddy" well into their older years.  Your mother and father should not be financially supporting you as an adult.  You should not be asking yourself "what would mother say about me taking this job?" nor making every life decision based on an unbalanced attachment to either parent, because of guilt, shaming, etc.  That is just distorted, codedependent, oftentimes, borderline, unhealthy and just plain WRONG.

ReallyME

[marydunne]

An ex-friend once did this to her 2-year-old son on his 2nd birthday:

Made a birthday card with a drawing of herself, with black circles under her eyes and messed-up bed-head hair.  Then she wrote the message "Two years without sleep!".

Ugh.  I stopped being her friend not long after that.  She'd been a very negative person for a while but I just couldn't stand by and watch her torment her child.

I knew trouble was ahead when she told me during her pregnancy that "being a parent is a chance to do your childhood over again".

[reallyME]

Any of you on here who happen to pray to Jesus, please remember my daughter in your prayers.  She is engaged to a very borderline/attachment-disordered guy, who seems to want her to be his "mommy" and constantly says "I wuv you" to her.  It makes me want to vomit when I see it.

This guy's mother deserted him as a child and he has mental issues to begin with.  I just really don't want to see my daughter end up married to him.  He is not marriage material.  Bringing children into a situation like that will be a nightmare, because this guy will compete with any child for all my daughter's attention.  I know that already.

ReallyME

[cat]

This topic really hit a nerve with me.

Growing up my nmom showed us off as little trophies.  We had to dress the way she wanted us to dress (even if we hated it).  We had to have our haircuts the way she wanted it.  If we balked, she would use guilt and shame to get her way.  Unfortunately, she never grew out of it, and is still doing it to others even in the nursing home.

Because of the way she messed with us, and the words she spoke being so harmful and cruel, I decided to do something about it.  Of course, I really cannot do anything for ME, but I certainly can stand in the face of others who attempt to mess with their kids.  No one will ever demean, guilt or harm a child in front of me.  I will just not tolerate it.  The child is defenseless - but with an advocate they can have a voice.

As a state appointed mentor to troubled children - and "auntie" to numerous people, I feel this is the best payback I can have for the grief my nmom put me through!

[write]

I mentioned it to my ex and he said his family constantly said 'you know what he's like...' about him, he said he hated it and now his sister says it about her children & he winces!

I do think we have to be aware what we say to our children and try not to give them subliminal negative messages in our figures of speech or the way we handle them
( I had a friend who would constantly push the babies off because they were messing her clothes/ hair/ make-up...I thought of them today because my friend's nephew was teething and climbed in my arms and snuggled and slobbered all down by neck and I just didn't care, it was so special to have him choose me in the room to come snuggle! )