i still have some issues. i find it very hard to deal with other peoples losses. i hate the fact that i am unable to sympathise with people who have lost loved ones. a freind of mine lost her step mother 2 weeks ago. i havnt been able to talk to her because i just cant be sympathetic. she had a great relationship with her step mother, its very sad shes gone of course, but i feel awful thinking that they are actualy lucky to have had that relationship, and yes, its ended but at least it was on good terms?
does anyone else feel like this? or am i a rotten mean un sympathetic human being?
Probably you're just a complicated person, not mean or unsympathetic. I can understand that feeling of, "but you're lucky to have had what you did have, I never had any of that..." because I often feel that way. Just now I'm starting to be able to accept that there are many experiences of life that I will probably never have because it's just too late for a lot of it. Too late to have been nurtured and comforted in my childhood, too late to be well-liked by the other kids in school, too late to have the fun and freedom of my 20s. And I can still feel jealous or resentful hearing people reminisce about the times they had. And they sound so whiney sometimes that it's all over with for them. And I think well, at least you had it once. You'll always have those memories. You got to grow up and learn from real experiences instead of being on the sidelines or passed over completely. I'm just now working on accepting the way my life went. And sometimes I just keep my distance because I don't want to say the "wrong" thing and end up sounding bitter. If I could be a comedian about it, that would help. But I guess I don't have any sense of humor about things that still bother me.
Hey, Darky, I bet you aren't the only one who didn't know what to say to her, even if the reasons are different for everyone. When my father died, some people came up to me and some did not. I didn't judge anybody for their reaction or lack of reaction. It's a tough time that everybody deals with differently.
I don't know how close of a friend this is. Maybe you can be honest with her sometime over lunch or maybe it will work out in some different way. Does she know about you and your mother? If so, maybe she is an understanding type of person and realizes why you haven't spoken yet. Just a thought.
Pennyplant
