To introduce this topic, the following is excerpted from an article I recently read:
Oh, be gentle sweetheart,” I spoke tentatively to my daughter as I watched her “pet” our cat aggressively. Her hand slowed and she tried to make her movements more purposeful although still pressing too hard against his fur. “Like this,” I took her hand in mine and gently stroked the animal’s back with just the right amount of pressure. When I released her hand to allow her to try unassisted, she was still too rough despite her best efforts. Our cat became irritated and left her sitting in the floor alone. She didn’t know her own strength and certainly didn’t have the motor skills or self control to bridle that strength enough for the cat’s liking.
I think I’ve often associated gentleness with weakness. I’m not sure why that is because the two are very different. Weakness lacks strength whereas gentleness controls it. I picture my husband holding our children in his lap as he reads them a book. He’s so much bigger and stronger than they are and could hurt them quite easily yet, when he deals with them (and me), he is gentle. Even in disciplining them he demonstrates gentleness.Gentleness is selfless. It requires us to think of someone else. Gentleness requires self control as most often the one practicing it has the power to harm the one to whom it is shown. Being gentle doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s something we have to practice and is most difficult when we’re angry or hurt. It takes a strong person in such circumstances to understand their power and use it appropriately. Such power isn’t always related to muscular strength, our tongue is likened to a two edged sword and can do much damage as well. True gentleness is being able to overpower and harm someone with word or deed and choosing not to. This is far from weak behavior, it's a practiced strength and the epitome of love. Personally, I've been very convicted of late re: my own need to make a practice of gentleness. I believe that it did come naturally to me at one time, but was eradicated along lilfe's path by repeated violations of those who took advantage of my meekness and quiet manner. I never consciously chose to change or to respond differently toward people.... it just happened. Somehow along the way, relating to others became a series of defensive manuevres instead of a communication directed toward mutual understanding and growth. I want to change that about myself. I want to stop reacting out of what's become my repertoire of personality traits formed through interactions with abusive, self-centered people and always respond with gentleness, regardless of the approach taken by another.
The Bible is one of my main resources. Whether or not others reading this value its counsel or not, I thought this was interesting to share. A couple verses in particular motivate me:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 and
"Let your gentleness (moderation,KJV) be known be known to all men. The Lord is at hand." - Philippians 4:5The word translated gentleness here is
epi-ei-kei-a ~ one of the most untranslatable words in Greek
This fascinates me.
The difficulty can be seen by the various translations given it:
a. Patience (Wycliffe)
b. Softness (Tyndale, Cranmer)
c. The patient mind (Geneva Bible)
d. Modesty (Rheims Bible)
e. Forbearance (Revised Version)
f. Moderation (King James Version)
g. Sweet Reasonableness (Matthew Arnold)
and this:
DESCRIPTION OF "GENTLENESS"... (from Erdmans)
1. It describes that courtesy and graciousness which should
characterize a Christian gentleman
2. The term indicates something of "the power of yielding"
a. The ability to give way to the wishes of others
b. The poise of soul which enables one to sacrifice his own
rights, not by necessity, but out of generosity and sympathy
3. It is the opposite of stubbornness and thoughtlessness
"GENTLENESS", THEN... (as defined by Pulpit Commentary)
1. Is the opposite of contention, rigor and severity
2. Is the spirit that enables a man to bear injuries with patience,
and not demand all that is rightly his due, for the sake of
peace
3. A good example of where this virtue is to be applied is seen in
1 Corhinthians 6:1-7 (note the willingness to be defrauded enjoined by
the apostle Paul)
Willingness to be defrauded? If that is the case, I've definitely not exercised this virtue. In fact, I've recently "stood up for my rights" in a variety of different contexts and I'm now seeing that I was wrong to do so. It's not that I shouldn't have spoken up, it's that my heart's attitude was wrong. Since this is the place where I share my thoughts the most freely, other than in my own home in relationship with my husband, I felt a need to declare this here. I've not been gentle. To anyone who has suffered because of my own lack of gentleness, I apologize. I believe that my own emotional muscle of gentleness has atrophied considerably through my past experiences with N and other abusers. It's my goal to now begin an exercise program which will strengthen that quality once again so that I can respond with true gentleness when needed, and not simply from a desire to "look good" or "keep up appearances" or not catch hell.
Thanks for reading.
With love,
Hope
