Hi, all! Thanks for your kind responses. It has taken me so long to realize what has been going on all these years. I had 10 years of therapy, but we never really got to this issue. It was mostly just re-hash, without insight on this deeper, core issue.
Rosen, I actually am intending to go to therapy again. I really don't think I am ever going to get any healing of any kind- physical or emotional- if I don't have someone to talk about this with. I am quite literally fighting for my life. I am in training to be a psychologist, but I wouldn't even work with clients right now if I was physically able (I am out of school right now) because I'm too much of a mess. My own messy head could mess up a client real bad. I think that was a problem in my last bout with therapy. Ultimately, the countertransference from my therapist got in the way of my working. I really, really need more counseling. It is money and physical health that have kept me out of it for a few years.
Portia, my mom is very scary. My ex-husband and my current husband all think she is really scary, so did an ex-boyfriend who was himself awful scary. I told my mom in October that I could be considered terminally ill now. Her response- "Well, we're all terminal!" When I told her that I didn't want to talk about it with her then, because I don't want to keep having discussions where I am hurt, she said, "Okay" and hung up on me! We didn't talk again until Christmas Eve, when I phoned my Aunt's and she was there. I moved to the East Coast from Illinois at the end of 2002, so I have some distance from her physically. But all these years we lived pretty far apart anyway. I didn't realize it, but I have been desperately trying to get her to love me for years, and that made me continue to call her and take her abuse. I did all that- lying about myself really, letting her hurt me without saying a word. And I am trying not to right now. We talked once in January because my car had been stolen and was recovered and quite frankly, I was weak in that moment because I was happy about my car. I have done that a lot. Talked to her when I felt okay, and let her hurt me because I don't want to confront her and ruin my mood or start something. She only works during tax season right now. Then comes Mother's Day and her birthday. There is always some reason that I have been using to excuse not setting my boundaries higher, and letting her trample me. I keep getting afraid that she will fall apart if I really just disconnect. It is so hard for me.
Right now, we are occasionally in touch by email. She just emailed me and asked me to go on a trip with her. It isn't even that she knows that I am too ill to accomodate what she wants to do whenever we go on trips (which has been so cruel that I think my husband, when we were engaged, wanted to hit her for what she did). I just can't be around her. One more minute of stuffing myself into a box so her needs are met, and I will explode for good and end up in a straight jacket. And my life is too much on the line right now for me to pretend. So I've just ignored her. I don't seem to have the strength to do anything else. I always imagine what I think she'll feel, and I get too "compassionate." Really, though, I know it is all about me feeling deep inside that it is only her that counts. Not me.
As for my mom and dad both being N's, my dad was a severe, violent alcoholic. They divorced when I was 6. My mother always told me she had me to save her marriage. Instead, my father gave me more attention (not good, either, but in her eyes anything was good). I obviously failed to save the marriage, and I "took him from her," so that made me a failure from day one!

My father has tried to kill my mother, me, my step mother, and two of my step brothers. He is truly evil, and we only keep in touch occasionally by email- and it probably wasn't in my best interests to get back in touch with him. I cut him off for 5 years, and he never once tried to contact me. You know, I was really glad that he left me alone- though quite frankly, I also hid from him, so he never knew where I was. Though my grandparents did. It wasn't until I had a client who had cut off his father, and his father had tried a few times to re-contact him and make amends, that it occured to me how abnormal it was for a father who claimed to so love his daughter to not bother trying to contact her. When it was starting, he just got enraged by me not taking his calls. Then- silence. But this was a man who wrote me a letter once telling me that anyone who had ever loved me had wasted it. And then some.
Right now, I am comfortable with my father. Though he denies a lot of things, he treats me okay and he has always believed that I was ill. In fact, he seems to be the only person who has really seen what has become of my life with this illness. I am tortured by my mother. I have all those imaginary fights in my mind, which is awful, because I have no peace again. I have a severe serum magnesium deficiency, and severe insomnia with my illness, and since WNV it has been worse, and the mag deficiency makes my nervous system "hyper," so I barely, barely ever sleep. But lately, when I do, I dream about fighting with my mother and she is so cruel and enjoying the cruelty. Eventually, I started to dream about physically beating the daylights out of her. I really have to get back to a place of peace with all this, but I know that right now it is ready to come out, and it must. It's like a bad infection. If I don't get all the bad stuff out of me, it will fester and kill all of me.
Thanks so much for being here. I wasn't able to reply for a few days because I was having a rough time physically, but I really appreciated seeing your replies. I hope to get to know all of you better, and look forward to hearing about your struggles with these "nutty" parents and how you deal with them. I say nutty, but I really think they are at least a little sociopathic. But, I'm trying to be "nice."

I really have to stop that to the extent that my own life suffers!
Take care, all!