is she really nacissistic? confused!

[penelope]

hi janey,

Take your power back girl!

When MIL calls and goes on about your SIL - why not interrupt and say something like - OH MY GOSH, I totally forgot, I have to go somewhere.  Sorry, gotta run!  Apologize, say goodbye, then hang up.

After a few times of this, you MIL may get the picture.   

If not - keep coming up with more and more creative excuses.  Write them down and keep them by the phone.  We'll help you brainstorm, if necessary.

Shift the conversation to her (MIL) or you.  Don't talk abut SIL, pretend you're uninterested.

I'm sorry you went through a terrible time when you were 20.  ((((((((((((((((janey))))))))))))))))  You did not deserve that. 

Your spelling is wonderfully endearing!  If people don't see that - too bad for them! 

bean

[Hopalong]

Aww, Janey.
Those hurtful things she said about a loving new Mom are HER loss. I am so sorry.

In fact, I'm pissed.

She does not deserve chickens!

Chickens are too good for the likes of her!

She could get 2000 chickens and all they'll do all night is talk about what a creep she is and how they wish they lived with that nice Janey instead!!!!!!!

THE CHICKENS WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!

(Honey, just tell your husband sometime, when you're not angry, without asking him to fix it, how much that hurt when you heard her saying that trash about you, when you were just home loving your baby.)

You have a right to say to him, I felt __________ when I heard that. And I felt so _______ when I didn't hear you defend me. I'm your wife, and this was your child, and I needed you to speak up and say you wouldn't let her talk to us that way.

Just that simple. Then walk away quietly and let him sit with it.

Could you try that? And give him a chance to feel it?

hugs,
Hops

[janey]

thanks again for the lovely support that you guys keep giving me!
had a wonderful night really!
mother in law phoned and i changed the subject from super sisi in law to me for a change.
i told her that i was so excited about my xmas night out with work cos my boss had arranged for 8 of us to go to city in a limo champagne included! and we are all going for a chinese buffet then on to some clubs and its all paid for by my boss in gratitude for a work load over the last year!
MIL was so impressed and genuinly excited for me! no more mention of SIL in that conversation cos guess what??? she doesnt have a xmas night out with work cos she dont! and if she did she would have to become ill or something and create a scene at the chinese....something about sesame prawn on toast and how she loves it but IT doesnt like her....she couldnt just go out and enjoy it IT would all have to be about her!
later on madam herself phoned to speak to my hubby about some shite i presume and MIL had already phoned her to tell her about MY night out....and madam said..."shes just bullshi**ng about the limo isnt she i bet shes going round town...." im not bull blah blah im telling the truth and you know what im really looking forward to it...she is in a dream world and she needs to wake up and get up and do something with her day!!!1
hugs to all
xx

[janey]

just realised that i sounded really gloaty earlier on!
dont wish you guys to think that im being full of myself etc
im excited about night out cos as im a mum to two beautiful babes i dont tend to treat myself much with anything really....clothes, money,nights out,,time to myself etc.
dont get me wrong i adore my children and to be honest before they were born then neither was i.
they have given me the best life anyone could ever have....there laughter their whining...their lovinginess towards me. even my boy who as his "cant have any affection with my mum in public" stage,,, today climbed on my lap while i was knitting to give me a big hug and a kiss for no reason... i asked him if he was ok and had he had a bad day at school but he just said he wanted to hug and kiss me cos he loved me!
im blessed i know and i should just try and get this horrible girl out of my life for good
love to all from freezing foggy england

[penelope]

janey,

That is wonderful!!  HUGS to you. 

hey, I know you're a cool mum.  Cause you know how to love and you're taking care of yourself too!  The limo sounds glamorous.  I hope you give us the full scoop afterward, how the night went and everything.  Your boss is too cool.   

bean

[CB123]

                                                        THE CHICKENS WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!

                                                                 


I want to get a T-shirt with that quote on it! 

CouldBe

[janey]

that is such a great idea!
how about  MY EGGS ARE BETTER THAN YOURS!
could wear it on a family xmas do!
not too much i fear!
xx

[Plucky]

Hi Janey,
I'm glad you have been steadily distancing yourself.  It's the only way.    The way she behaved when your child was born, just shows that she has no idea why a mother would want to spend time with her child to the exclusion of shopping and getting her manicures.  She really has no idea, for her it is pathetic, but deep down she suspects that you get a joy and satisfaction from being with your children that she will never get and does nto even understand.  The more I hear about her, the sorrier I feel for her.

I think the one thing you can address, is that you sound as though you do not feel supported by your H.  If he supported you, it would matter so much less what anyone else thought.  You two would be a solid unit.  It sounds as though his way of coping worked for him alone, and maybe he has not understood that now you two need to have a unified way of coping.  Maybe you can work on what this would be like.  I do not get the feeling that he is unsupportive or disagrees with you, but that he does not know how to behave. Even your MIL may need to be trained in this respect.

I could be all wrong!  So ignore me if I am.
Plucky