Well, I wasn't much of one to play with them with their toys either. Looking back, and from what my sons have said, the best thing is to listen to them when they want to talk. Find a way to be interested in the topics they want to talk about or discuss.
Listening and discussing does not mean to try and teach them, educate them or point out where they might be wrong or not know things. They do know things and it is good to talk to them and listen the way you would to an adult. Value their ideas about interests, school, friends, values, etc. Discover your child in this way. Get to know them in this way. They are unique individuals from the start.
Sometimes I would just sit on the couch and relax while my youngest son was on the computer. After a while, he would get used to me just sitting there and would start to think of things he wanted to talk about. Then it would turn into a conversation. I guess I'm saying, I make myself available for talking and listening every so often and it has become a pattern that he can expect and therefore feel comfortable with.
My oldest son and I never had it so easy-going. But every so often we talk on the phone and he talks a lot during those times. It seems as though he enjoys our conversations (he lives 8 hours away so we can't visit in person often.) He listens to me and his dad too and remembers what we say. It seems like mutual listening is going on.
I think kids appreciate it when we are being our true selves and when we allow them to be their true selves. We don't have to like all the same things and activities. If you don't like to play with toys with them, then find something else to share that you also enjoy. Some card games can be good for both kids and adults. We played Scrabble sometimes, and Boggle, and other similar games that were challenging for us and still fun for them. Painting together was something we did sometimes. Going to concerts and shows together, movies, listening to music in the car together. Just paying attention while doing regular things together is great.
I think just the fact that you think this is important to do, giving them voice and trying to enter their world, is great and will do them a lot of good as they grow up.
Pennyplant
