Author Topic: Dealing with toxic people  (Read 10622 times)

isittoolate

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Dealing with toxic people
« on: February 19, 2007, 10:28:33 PM »
Dealing with toxic people

Toxic people. If you are experiencing this in your life, let me share with you what I have learned. I think I can help you to feel better.

* Be comforted in the fact that you are not alone. Every person walking the earth knows at least one toxic person in their life. The toxic person is a family member, friend, associate, workmate, boss, etc. Toxic people come in all shapes and forms as they know no boundaries.

* Realize that until you stop allowing a toxic person to hurt you and your life, they will continue to do so.

* The most important thing to remember is that you have the power to stop a toxic person. You do this by controlling your own actions and reactions. As you probably already know, you cannot control the actions of other people. But the good thing is you can control yourself and your life. You have the power to walk away from a toxic person and not allow them into your life anymore. Freedom is a wonderful and liberating experience.

* Realize that toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. It helps to move away from toxic people and move towards people who are positive and uplifting. Positive people are a blessing. Rely on your instincts, they never lie. Train yourself to move away from what hurts you and move towards what feels good. This is one of the smartest life skills you can learn, and also one of the best gifts you can ever give to yourself.

* Toxic people are extremely negative, nasty, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible, selfish, and abusive. They can be criminally minded, mentally ill, or just plain evil. Toxic people are also the ones that abuse alcohol or drugs and then hurt other people. The toxic individual exudes the dark side of human nature all of the time. They cause other people pain, craziness, and aggravation. They are not hard to recognize. Just take notice of how you feel when you are around one of these people. It will be easy to determine. You will immediately feel sick and experience physical symptoms like a headache or stomach pain. Or you will just feel like you are going crazy, but don't worry that is the true mark of being with a toxic person. Remember this so that you will be better able to identify a toxic person. That is the first step towards eliminating one from your life.

* Know that when a person is toxic it is because of their own issues. Sometimes these issues can consist of mental illness. Accept that a toxic persons behavior has nothing to do with you. In life, each of us has to take responsibility for our own actions. Toxic people do not do this. They have a habit of turning things around so that you feel bad, you feel guilty, and you feel like you are at fault. Remember that when dealing with a toxic person, they are responsible for their own actions, but often do not. Realize this and you take back your power.

* The best thing you can do when dealing with a toxic person is to walk away and not allow them to hurt you anymore. If you cannot walk away, then mentally walk away. You can do that by being kind to yourself. Allow yourself to disengage, disassociate, and detach. Detachment is a process of not caring.
It is something you do for yourself. It is a mental skill that takes some time to learn at first, but once it is mastered, it can help you to become stronger mentally and physically. Detachment is a necessary skill for preserving your own mental health. Detaching from people and situations that are not good for you is healthy and can help you to feel better. Begin detachment by repeating affirmations. Affirmations are powerful because over time, the mind believes what we program into it. The following are some good examples to help you, but feel free to make your own that speak to you personally.

I do not care about ***.
I will not allow *** to hurt me.
Detaching from*** will help me to be healthy on many levels.
I control my own life and decisions.
I am strong.
I feel good about the decision to detach.
Detachment is healthy and necessary.

* When dealing with toxic people remember that exercise is your best friend. Exercise relives both mental and physical tensions. It helps the body to produce healing chemicals that will repair your body and help you think more clearly. Exercise also encourages the release of endorphins, chemicals that relieve pain and help you to feel good both mentally and physically.

* Most importantly develop supportive relationships with your life partner, friends, family, workmates, and associates. There is strength in numbers. Talking things over with the people in your life who love and care for you, can help you to overcome the negativity of toxic people. Just as animals and children instinctively can sense when someone is good or evil, the people who love you are very good at recognizing when someone is toxic and hurting you. Loved ones are a good defense against toxic people because they can offer you good advice and support for eliminating negative influences in your life.

seastorm

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2007, 05:28:58 PM »
Wow, what a great post.

I think I will print it out too. Thanks

Sea storm

Aubrey

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2007, 02:08:24 AM »
what if i have to be nice to the toxic person to be around my dad? it's my step mother. i know it's not me. other family members are supportive. but i have to pretend and bite my tongue. it kills me. but if grandma the nicest, kindest, most loving woman in the world tells me it's not worth the fight. she(the step mother) will just talk until you give up from shear exhaustion.

Sincerity

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2007, 09:13:48 AM »

Aubrey,

This "What Helps" board would appear to be mainly a source of reference and my suggestion is that you might wish to consider starting a new topic on the Message board where you will receive helpful support and feedback with regard to your question, from the group of members.

My sincere empathy with your frustrating situation, you have made an awesome brave decision to participate with the members of Voicelessness who will guide you in talking it through with supportive insight.

Sincerity


Fear Fighter

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2007, 11:41:18 AM »
Thank you "IsIt" for posting this!  After looking around for awhile, I read what you posted
and decided to join the board.  I don't know how much posting I'll be doing from here on out, but I
wanted to at least thank you for your post.  I, too, printed it out, as it made me cry, also.
I haven't cried in a long time.  I needed it.  As hard as that is to say coming from a man, I really
did need it.
Thanks.
FF
It's not your fault.

Sela

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2007, 01:04:57 PM »
Thankyou from me too Izzy.

Quote
Detachment is a process of not caring

And here I thought I was detached because I am physically removed from dealing with the toxic person. 
This helps me a lot.....to have it put into words like that.  Thankyou.

I have to work at not caring!  I have to work at not caring!  I must work at not caring!  Soon I won't care!!!

I think this might be the most balancing thing for me. 

Welcome Aubrey.  Maybe that idea will help you too?  Maybe you have to work at not caring about what stupid step-maw says?  Maybe soon you won't care either?  Ignor.  Ignor.  Like any other pesky little bug.

Hiya Fear Fighter and welcome to you too!

I love your name!  Keep fighting those fears!!!  I'm glad you got that release from crying (even though it's no fun.....it sounds like it helped lift some weight from your soul).    Nothing wrong with a man crying.  That's just some stupid rule some dope made up.  If God never meant for you to cry, He would not have given you tear ducts!!

(((((((((Aubrey and Fear Fighter and all))))))))))

Sela

James73

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2007, 08:33:34 PM »
Hey Izzy Ive been reading some posts on the "What Helps" section and its a treasure trove of good advice, I love this post youve done and I will be printing it out too, thanks Izzy your a wonderful help !
James

had it

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2007, 07:43:28 PM »
Hi just need to express my anger.frustration and sadness...yes im so angry right now..i lostt he plot this morning with a  toxic child, my 8 yr old grandson, I could take no more of his violent behaviour towards others and his abusive way he speaks to me and everyone else that he cant control to get his own way, he is very abusive,nasty and yells at everying that its always their fault when things go wrong, even to speak nice to this boy that he should speak nicer and not yell abusively would be a better way and he retaliates with abuse for tying to teach him how to deal with conversations, and no understanding that he shouldnt treat people and other children like dogs.He tells me hes the golden child and can do as he wants, that was after bashing his 4 yr old sister yet again because he didnt want to share a couch. Ive tried so many times to help and be nice and I cant do it anymore.Hes evil to the bone and I have to walk away and never mind this child again.I can take no more of it I came home in tears.Im so sick of hearing exceuse even from his parents that when he is like this which is most of the time that hes tired or hes sick or if someone hadnt done something to him he would be ok. This child is headed for big trouble and sad to say nanna has had enough and is walking away.I will never ever mind this child again as i have many times had him.I dont even want him in my home its that bad the way he treats me in my home.The other grandkids dont want to play with him and im so caught in the middle. He really did my head in today and that was the last straw of how right he is and if everyone else let him be he is ok.I can take no more. im a nervous wreck when hes around.

James73

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2007, 03:04:05 PM »
Hey H.I., sounds like a good idea to back away from that child he does sound a nightmare and the parents and his environment in general will be too blame, its is sad but some people cant be helped and as much as we'd like to sometimes we cannot interfere to any major degree or effect with someone else's child. I hope things get better for your and its good to get anger off your chest.
My thoughts are with you
James

Hopalong

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2007, 07:19:26 PM »
Hi Hadit,
I'm so sorry.
That must be really painful.
Parents who don't set limits share the consequences with anyone else who loves the child.
I hope there will be some opportunity to tell him, without anger, that the reason you don't spend time with him any more is that you can't accept him talking to you and treating you that way.

In a way, you're teaching him something important. I think it's important for him to hear that it is HIS consequence.

Maybe you could write him a very simple letter? (Here I go...)

Dear ____,
I love you and I always will. So it makes me sad that I can't spend time with you. But I can't be with a little boy who talks to me in an ugly way, hurts me, and won't mind my rules. I haven't figured out how to get you to be nice to me, so some other grownup will have to be in charge of you.

I will keep you in my prayers.
love,
Grandma
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

had it

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2007, 07:55:41 PM »
thanks grandma i like how you put it.. he talks in such an ugly way, now the clhilds mother is very upset as no one else will mind him. she told his father he now has the responsibilty when she goes to work. his father sees no problem in this child. the father was taken to the chool about this boy being sexual to a little girl, and the father told the principal that he sees that its not a problem.only last night he came here with 3 other siblings and the abuse his mother copped was disgusting because he wanted to watch a different program to the other 3 kids. Its time this father looked after him 24/7 and sees it. bet he wont like the daily notes from school and to have to have the weekly interviews on what his son has done to teachers and other children. His teacher needs a medal and so does his mother for seeing he has serious issues.

confused2

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2007, 12:15:11 PM »
thank you, isittoolate! With all that I am going thru, I feel as if you your post was meant just
for me. Thank you Thank you....

Confused2

seasons

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2007, 12:42:12 PM »
what a generous post. i haven't been around for awhile because of some physical problems. I came for a quick visit and found your most helpful post. ((thank you))
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

Hopalong

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2007, 01:10:31 PM »
Sea,
So good to hear you.
When you feel like it, hope you'll start a thread and catch us up.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

seasons

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Re: Dealing with toxic people
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2007, 12:14:10 PM »
Hi Hops,

Thank you.........seasons
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou