Great essay!!!
Please note the following about NPD behaviors:
*Realize that toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. It helps to move away from toxic people and move towards people who are positive and uplifting. Positive people are a blessing. Rely on your instincts, they never lie. Train yourself to move away from what hurts you and move towards what feels good. This is one of the smartest life skills you can learn, and also one of the best gifts you can ever give to yourself.
My comment: when i was first getting to know my NPD i would feel euphoric afterwards. Why? Because at first they are projecting their FEGO -- False Ego -- which is their perfect, ideal, wonderful and CONTRIVED self -- a mask; this is the one who gives you strokes, complements, flatters, charms and mirrors you to the point where you think they are a soul mate ( friend or lover); Very confusing when you start to buy into this act and fall for them OR display any affection as they will turn on a dime -- no intimacy allowed, period -- then you receive the SEGO treatment, the super inflated, corrupted other mask that will berate you, contradict everything you say, lie, obfuscate, and otherwise treat you like sh#t.....BOTH will drain you emotionally, hence the title of a very good book, Emotional Vampires by Best-selling author Albert J. Bernstein.
* Toxic people are extremely negative, nasty, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible, selfish, and abusive. They can be criminally minded, mentally ill, or just plain evil. Toxic people are also the ones that abuse alcohol or drugs and then hurt other people. The toxic individual exudes the dark side of human nature all of the time. They cause other people pain, craziness, and aggravation. They are not hard to recognize. Just take notice of how you feel when you are around one of these people. It will be easy to determine. You will immediately feel sick and experience physical symptoms like a headache or stomach pain. Or you will just feel like you are going crazy, but don't worry that is the true mark of being with a toxic person. Remember this so that you will be better able to identify a toxic person. That is the first step towards eliminating one from your life.
My comment: Everything a NPD does is for two things: (1) reflected attention ( even if it is negative) and (2) dominance; they want to control the NPD space....they imprint themselves in all social environments where they know they do not have to answrer to a higher authority ( they will display the FEGO in front of those they admire or fear: true authority figures like their archetype NPD parent). They especially like the isolated environment ( their turf, their house, etc) where no one but you and them witness their warped behavior. Mine, constantly would elicit sympathy for their physical health, their workaholic ways, their family, just about everything.....CLUE: they love using hyperbole for emphasis.
* Know that when a person is toxic it is because of their own issues. Sometimes these issues can consist of mental illness. Accept that a toxic persons behavior has nothing to do with you. In life, each of us has to take responsibility for our own actions. Toxic people do not do this. They have a habit of turning things around so that you feel bad, you feel guilty, and you feel like you are at fault. Remember that when dealing with a toxic person, they are responsible for their own actions, but often do not. Realize this and you take back your power.
My comment: They use Projection Identification to project and control you...learn what that is and learn how to avoid it, or counter it; NPD is toxic 24/7.... it is like a shark, it never sleeps....they are not evil, they are sick people who had a very messed up parent(s) and their pathology can entrap you into a very dangerous psychological mess.
Go tell a friend, read books about emotional manipulation, keep a journal, post on blogs, develop a spiritual practice, AND as Joanna Ashmun says, keep your distance if at all possible.
One last book referral: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George Simon JR.
Excerpt from review: In reading this book, I felt like the "lights" were finally turned on. I could now see my aggressor, see him aggressing and began to understand the tools of his "trade" and why. Highly effective they are, to the person unaware.
In this, the level of (my) anxiety/depression reduced considerably and I no longer doubt myself. In seeing it and understanding it, you will be better equipped to deal with it (covert manipulation).
Cheers and Good Luck! Beth
