Author Topic: Abusive and Controlling Relationships  (Read 3082 times)


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Abusive and Controlling Relationships
« on: May 14, 2007, 09:47:21 AM »
This web site has lots of good information in it. The main page is

Here is a small part of the site.  It's called Abusive/Controlling Relationships and has a lot of good information in it.  It talks a good deal about the abuser and it also talks about cults and how a one on one relationship can be cultic in nature if the same tactics are used.  Here's some of what I found.  It was very interesting.

When psychological coercion and manipulative exploitation have been used in a one on one cultic relationship, the person leaving such relationship faces issues similar to those encountered by someone leaving a cultic group.

Manipulators bag of tricks - Anyone who uses any of these tactics is attempting to move you from logic to emotion to a playing field thatís not so level.  He or she knows that he canít win on the facts so they will try to manipulate your emotions with any one or a combination of the tactics below.

appeal to ego
our desire to be liked and loved.

Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism.  Defense mechanisms are the automatic mental behaviors all of us employ to protect or defend ourselves from the threat of some emotional pain.  More specifically, ego defense mechanisms are mental behaviors we use to dfend our self images from invitations to feel ahsmed or guilty about something.  There are many different kinds of ego defenses and the more traditional theories of personality have always tended to distinguish the various personality types, at least in part, by the types of ego defenses they prefer to use. One of the problems with psychodynamic approaches to understanding human behavior is that they tend to depict people as most always afraid of something and defending or protecting themselves in some way; even when theyíre in the act of aggressing.   Covert aggressive personalities use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want.   Some of these behaviors have been traditionally thought of as defense mechanisms.

Selective attention
Covert Intimidation
Guilt tripping
Playing the Victim role
Vilifying the Victim
Playing the servant role
Projecting the Blame

As I was reading through the list it occurred to me that these are the types of things N's do when conflicts arise.  They will do and say anything to get off topic so they don't have to look at themselves and to shift the blame elsewhere.