Good News

[tayana]

I went to another apartment complex today.  The apartments here are a little smaller and older, but still nice.  I explained to the very nice clerk my situation.  If I can give them a letter from my attorney and proof that I've disputed the fraudulent charges, they will rent to me.  The nice thing about this place is that it has better amenities, an awesome indoor pool and everything.  So, things are looking up.  I won't say I have it until the lease is signed and I have the keys though.

[Ami]

I am SOOOOOO happy for you. She couldn't keep a good man(woman) down. I  have so much admiration for your strength and "get up and go"  !                       Love   Ami

[WRITE]

good luck!

[tayana]

Thanks Ami and Write.  I don't want to get TOO excited, just in case, but I can't help it.  I'm really excited.  And some of the nightmare might be over.  The court date to dismiss the judgement against me is in two weeks, so that will be taken care of too, then we just have to get this creditor to leave me alone, or whatever else the lawyer wants to do.  I can't help making a list of things I will need to buy for my new home.  The only drawback is that if it does go well and I get it, I'll have it sooner than I'd planned, so I won't be packed or ready to move at all.  That will suck.

And I'm dreading the I'm moving out discussion.  I have to give myself a few days to rehearse that in my head.  I don't think it will go well.  I can just imagine all sorts of wailing, door slamming, silent treatments, sniping, back biting, threats, etc.  Probably similar to what I got the other morning.  And no doubt, "you think you're so smart" at some point.  I figure it could work out well.  I could take off work a few days get the new place cleaned, our stuff packed, move the little things and move the big stuff over a weekend.

[Ami]

You are doing so well- one step at a time----. I am so impressed. I have lost my ability to move forward in my own behalf. It must be so scary for you,but you are still going forward. It is impressive
                                                                                         A Big Hug     Ami

[tayana]

Thanks, Ami.  You'll get there too.  One step at a time.  I've been terrified of doing this, and I'm still terrified.  I'll probably wake up at 3 in the morning and won't be able to go back to sleep, but I'm going to do it.  I don't think it's any scarier than some of the other things I've accomplished.  I went away to school.  I've changed jobs.  I tackled some major projects at work.  Those were all scary too.  Of course, they all pale to having to tell my parents I found a place and I'm moving, even though there are a lot of positives to this.

They won't have to support me.
My dad can retire.
They can move to a smaller place
My son can go to a better school district.

Etc.  I can list all sorts of positives, but they'll focus on all the negatives.  *Takes a deep breath*  I'll do it though.  I think it's important that I do this. For me, and my son.

[Hopalong]

SO impressed with your courage and determination Tayana.

Can you postpone telling them until a couple days before?

I realize it'll be obvious when you start packing...don't be afraid!

You are an ADULT. You're someone's mother, for godssake!

You do not need your parents' approval or permission to chose to live in your own place.
It's healthy, it's normal and you will learn so much from it. You'll become even stronger, as will your son.

You don't owe them a long explanation. Maybe it'd help to think of something simple and adult to say.
Nothing angry or apologetic either. They don't need to invade your emotions or play on your nerves.

Do you have a friend you can ask to come over and pack with you?
Having a "buffer" around can really help...

Hops

[tayana]

Hops,

I'm going to put it off as long as possible.  I'll just go finish the paperwork tomorrow and work on getting the documentation I need to get the place.

I know it's normal and healthy to do this.  I think I'll just say, "I found a place, and I'm moving."  And that's the end of that, and then when the wailing and screaming starts, I'll just walk away.  They'll get used to it eventually.

I don't really have a friend that could help pack, or I do, but I don't know that she'd be available.  I won't consider it "my" place until I sign the lease though.

And if this one falls through, I know I should be able to rent in a couple of weeks when the court, hopefully, dismisses the judgment against me.

[lighter]

Oh oh oh Hops! Yes, tayana shouldn't feel guilty or icky for moving.  This shouldn't be an occassion where wailing and emotional terrorism rule. 

She is an adult and she has the right to live wherever she chooses.  It hadn't occurred to me to think of it that way.  I'm ashamed to say I've been dreading the conversation with her parents too, lol. 

I also think having a friend available as much as possible to act as a buffer is better than a great idea. 

Tayana:  Maybe you'd do better trying to pack and move over the weekend and not take off from work?  Then you could take that money and pay someone to come move the big things for you during that same weekend.  The quicker you can pack and go the better, IMO.  That way, you have other people around still AND you don't hurt yourself trying to move the stuff yourself. 

I realldy dread your parent's behavior while you're packing.  Esp where it concerns your son.  Good luck on getting that apartment.  If it's meant to be, it'll happen: )

[tayana]

Hey Lighter, thanks for chiming in.  If I get it, I get possession in the middle of the week, so I wouldn't be moving until the weekend anyway.  And it'll take time to get a truck, etc. 

I don't dream my father's behavior, as much as I do that woman's.  She'll say all sorts of nasty stuff to change my mind, but once I sign the lease and pay the deposit and rent, there's nothing she can do, short of me breaching my contract.  I don't intend to do that, unlike her, I'm actually responsible with my money, and I know that when you sign a contract, it has to be honored.

I've my fingers and toes and everything crossed.

[CB123]

Congratulations, Tayana!  You're on your way.  I'm excited for you.  I found moving into my apartment immensely satifying and freeing. 

Can your son stay with someone while you pack and all?  So your mom can't get him off by himself and make your day that much harder?

Much love to you, Tayana.  Let us know how things progress,

CB

[tayana]

CB,

I don't think it'll take that long to pack, really.  We can probably do it on a weekend, so I can be a buffer.  We may not get everything at once, but we can get some things. 

She will deny ever saying a word to him, like she did the last time I confronted him.  But who do I believe, a woman who's lied to me most of my life, or my son who doesn't really know how to lie, and can't lie without getting caught.

[axa]

Tayana,

Great news.  They are going to rant and rave no matter what you do.  I find a good thing to do when I want to get out of my head from an N is to talk to myself when I am doing the chore e.g. packing.. I am putting this ... in the box so that I can move to my new home........ a mantra........ let the accusations, abuse fade into background noise.  It is possible to do I have done it.

You do not owe them an explanation or any discussion if you choose not to.  You are an adult who is making an adult choice and taking care of your son.

Well done girl,

axa

[debkor]

Tayana

This is really great news.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.  I really hope you get it.  Just look at your mom like she is this giant baby having a tantrum to get her way.  Roll your eyes and say God give me the strength till she gets so tired she gives up hearing herself from no reaction. Then think few more days till I am in my own place, just a little bit longer. I'm getting there not much longer now.  They really do react like children so sometimes treat them like they are.  I hope it's not to bad for you Tay. 
Can't wait till the final answer.  Let us know.  Good Luck

Love
Deb

[tayana]

Axa,

I know they'll rant and rave, and give me the "You think you're so smart" speech.  I hate those words.  "You think you're so smart." and then a long diatribe of whatever it is that I'm doing that's offensive.  

I just sort of tune all that out anymore.  I can't take it with a grain of salt, but I can't tune it out.