Author Topic: When you thought I wasn't looking...  (Read 2266 times)

Certain Hope

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When you thought I wasn't looking...
« on: July 18, 2007, 12:57:47 PM »
I've been thinking of posting this old one for awhile now, but didn't want anyone to be deeply hurt. Today I thought- some tears are cleansing !!- and I hope that's how any tears will be of those who are so affected by this little poem. You probably have seen it.
I had... back in the day when I'd forgotten how to feel. This last time, I felt it.

My mother is not NPD, but I was most certainly voiceless. That is not her fault. My brother isn't voiceless, so I know that I could have had a different response to her ways. It just wasn't in me to react like he did... and it isn't in me now, thank God. After years of demeaning her, he recently bought her a fur coat. Me? I just keep my distance.

 I do not remember her doing any of the things in this poem. Not one.
Rather, I remember doing things like this for her... because somehow, intuitively, I knew that these were evidences of love.
I believe that God filled in the gaps which she left behind in me - for my childrens' sake.
With two children grown and two left at home, there are times when I feel haunted by what we all could have been... if not for...  .
But when I read this, I know that I have done these things for them. They're a part of my relationship with my kids which is untainted by my mother. They're a part of me which I gave to them.
I didn't do them because I'd decided to NOT be like her... I did them because they were in me to do.
They weren't in her... and for that, I am sorry for her, but there's no excuse. None. Only to forgive.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking
          You hung my first painting on the refrigerator
                    And I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You fed a stray cat
                    And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You baked a birthday cake just for me
                    And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You said a prayer
                   And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You kissed me good-night
                   And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         I saw tears come from your eyes
                   And I learned that sometimes things hurt --
                             But that it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You smiled
                   And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn't looking
         You cared
                   And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking --
         I looked ...
                   And wanted to say thanks
                             For all those things you did

When you thought I wasn't looking.

 

reallyME

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Re: When you thought I wasn't looking...
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2007, 01:54:02 PM »
This poem is very true and sweet.  Besides really being a great poem, it has inspired me to start a thread about my husband and how the opposite of this poem, caused him to be the way he is today.

Thanks for giving me another way to put my feelings into words.

~Laura