The more and more I read about N, the more i am convinced my mother is one and my grandmother too! Either that or they are just very selfish, self-absorbed, me, me, ME, cold-hearted people.
My grandmother is 80 yrs old and when she was visiting us a couple of years ago, all she did from the moment she stepped foot off the plane was critize and complain and gossip about people (never anything nice or positive or uplifting). I spent most of my visits with her leaving in tears or very deflated. I attributed so much of her cutting remarks to the fact that she was so old. I attributed my mother's meanness to the fact that she spent so much time around our grandmother.
I remember visiting her and all she would do is sit in a chair watching cooking shows and soap operas, and complain about the arthritis in her knees whenever i asked her to do anything or come anywhere with me. Then I would find out that she had plenty of energy to go and visit other people with my mother (people who she wanted to see). She managed to come to my house TWICE in the 7 months she was here. Once for Thanksgiving. And one day she came just to spend the day and show me how to cook her stew. During that time she told me how messy i was, how i should have my entire house clean by 11 am, how i'm lazy for not using cloth diapers, how my husband deserves to have a hot meal ready at 4 pm every day and not the instant garbage i feed him (not true!). She told me the greatest joy in her life was the birth of my mother b/c she really prayed for a daughter...but that i would never get one b/c my husband could only make boys.
Out of her 4 grandchildren, she didn't go to ONE birthday party. Each time she was either tired, arthritis, or sulking about something b/c my sisters and i had arguments with our mom all of the time. She snubbed each one of them, but then was greatly offended that she only got flowers and a card for her birthday (we never visited). She was so incensed that she moved her flight up and left without even saying goodbye. Now my mother loves to bring up how "rude" we were for not even telling our grandmother goodbye.
Now my mother has 5 grandchildren between me and my sister and only went to birthday parties for the first 2. She declared 2 years ago that she will no longer attend our "stupid birthday parties"...."all you do is party, party, party....i'm too busy for that shite". SHe will not come if my father attends. If my father is not attending, she will not come b/c she claims we are only inviting her b/c my father cannot attend. I would not care so much if she took the time to celebrate each granchilds birthday on the side/do their own thing. But she doesn't even call or send them a birthday card. Toys and presents just "spoil" them. So she used to put money in a little bank book for them....now she doesn't even do that.
All of this leads to an email i received from my cousin this week. Apparently, my cousin decided to have a christening/birthday party for her 1 yo daughter and celebrated my grandmother's 80th birthday as well. I was invited, then disinvited by my mother. I open the email and my cousin says
"Too bad you missed grandmother's 80th birthday party. Shame you missed it, it was a great fun. Grandma lasted till midnight, the party went on for 3 days and nights. Will have a video of the ceremony and quite a lot of photos from various cameras. Have to put it together and make copies of CD's. If you interested, i will send you the CD. It may be boring just to look at the pics but you will see the family there"
And she included pics of my Nmom and NGmom dancing away with big smiles on their faces...and the only thing i was thinking is how bogus her excuse is now for not attending any of her grandchildren's birthday parties. My grandmother has plenty of energy to dance and party for HERSELF. It made me feel like crap....and angry all at the same time. She thinks nothing of me or my children. What a phoney hypocrite! I don't know why i'm even giving this the time of day but it hurts! Hurts that my own mother thinks so little of me. I really don't give a damn about me or my birthday but my children are innocent.
