Why Does the Lying Irritate me So Much

[gratitude28]

The lies I catch all the time now that I know about them are silly things- really little unimportant things. Like that she tried something I recommended when I know she didn't or that she tried to call and didn't. And I wouldn't care about those things... but the lying gets on my nerves and really annoys me - majorly annoys me. Why lie when it is so trivial? Does it make them feel superior in some way?

[Bella_French]

I know what you mean gratitude; its the fact that you can't see any reason for the lies that is so annoying. I have a brother who is a compulsive liar, and I've tried to get through to him and make him feel `safe' in our relationship, so he will be honest with me. But my take on it is that he is so full of shame (he was the scapegoat in our family), that lying is his primary defense. I don't know if he will ever change, so I put up my boundaries with him, and love him anyway.

N's lie all the time, but hate lies, have you noticed that? I think they lie because they like to control the flow of informaton, so that they can get the responses they want. And I think they hate liars because it represents infrmation being with-held from tem (so they have less leverage).

What are your thoughts?

X Bella

[Stormchild]

Actually, I think it's that Ns lie all the time -- but hate being lied to themselves -- because they don't like it when people use their own weapons against them.

I also think that's true not only of lies, but of any weapon an N happens to use. Do unto them as they do unto others, and watch the sparks fly.

Food for thought. There's a very useful tactic buried in there, somewhere, and an infallible method of N-detection, too.

[Poppyseed]

I absolutely hate the lying thing too!  For me, the worst part is the sublety and the crazy-making components.....the stuff that makes me question reality.  I watch my Nmil do it all the time.  She is a master at controlling outcomes with disception for her own protection and the protection of her world. And it really really really makes me POed!!  She doesn't even keep her emotions consistent because she has to switch them to keep up with the lies.  One minute she is the victim and is on the verge of tears -- the next she is perfectly happy and trying the next stratagy to get what she wants.  It is trippy to watch. 

At least I can see it now.  Guess that is a bonus......

[changing]

That trait of constant lying is one of the worst forms of N abuse, and can potentially take everyone down the drain. My NH would lie about bills that he ran up, make promises that he NEVER intended to keep, lie about me, etc- these lies were ruining us financially, and turning my life into a hell. I could never keep up! NH seemed to relish it when I finally caught on that he had been lying the entire time. In fact, it was a relatively small, but very vicious lie that finally infuriated me to the degree that I knew that he had to go (he left before, but I had never sent him packing). Liars and lies steal your money, your time, your dignity, and your choices - the liar gets a payoff in destroying your well-being, without much trouble to himself at all, and feels like he has won something. I am not talking about someone trying to spare your feelings, but I'm describing a deceiver who knows that ultimately you will suffer greatly as a consequence of the lies, and is intentionally setting you up to take a fall.

OOOOOOOH it is so irritating!GRRRRRR!

[Ami]

I think that the worse lying is getting you to deny what is right before your eyes. My M does not lie about"little things" or practical things. She does outrageous and inappropriate things and the "lies' that they are normal. If You don't see it that way, you are crazy.
  This stole my ability to trust myself-- a big ,big loss for me                      Love   Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Beth,

I think that it is what's behind the lies that you describe...
the phoniness, the lack of respect for you - which would dare to suggest that you'd accept her attempts to keep up appearances... that's what is so annoying.

When you have such major issues against a fake person such as your mother and yet she'll lie about something as trivial as that, it's... demeaning.

I've never thought of my mother as a liar. In my mind, I figure she's about 8 1/2 out of 10 on the N'ish scale, not pathological npd (10+?).
But she'll do something similar... she'll say, on the rare times I've phoned, "oh, I've been thinking that I'd give you a call" when I know that's not true. Then there's my dad, who suggests that he would call us all the time, but mother'd be furious if she knew that he had... so he doesn't.

Actually, I feel like she lies every time she writes and tells me how much she misses us. Can't miss people you don't even know or care to know.

Love,
Hope

[finding peace]

My M with the lies ................GGGggggrrrrrrrrr

It used to drive me crazy - she would lie about me to my sibs to get them angry at me, she would lie to my F to get him angry at me.  She would lie to me about things my sibs or F said to hurt me.

She just lied, lied, lied.  It was so bad she would contradict herself in the same conversation, I would call her on it, and she would deny it!!!

Before I went NC, I decided that every time I spoke to her I was going to record the conversation, because I was so tired of the lies.

I often thought she must really think I am stupid to fall for all the lies (and clearly didn't care a bit about how they affected me).

She was a poor liar - her stories changed from moment to moment, and it was easy to see the lies.  My F was much more subtle and manipulative about the lying.  He was tough to catch - boy could he spin a situation.  I did reach the point with him, after one particular lie, where everything that came out of his mouth was taken with a grain of salt because I knew what he was capable of.

Peace