Hello Bunker Binker-
I am sorry that you have been hurting in the ways that you describe. I too was made desperate by the actions (and inactions) of my husband. I had been in an accident and became disabled. My husband "lost" his job and decided that he would no longer work, and instead would play softball a minimum of 5 times a week. He also expected me to take care of everything, pay the bills, etc. He would not help me in the house either, and was highly critical of my every effort.
Lighter is giving sound advice. I wish that I had come to this board sooner and understood what was going on, and protected myself in a more timely fashion. My husband took our savings ( which I had saved- I handled the money) and put it in a separate account exclusively in his name earlier this year without my knowledge or consent, supposedly in order to make more interest(oh, brother!). He had been looking at expensive places to live (for himself) without saying a thing to me, and had destroyed my schoolwork, lost my flash drive, etc. allegedly because he was, for the first time, trying to "help " me clean out my car (I had no problem with keeping my books and research in my car- he was just trying to find financial information). He began to spend much more money than he brought in with his early retirement check, on pornography ( he hid this from me and the costs were staggering), Starbucks, other degrading and stupid things, and would not contribute to the household bills. When I found out about this he threatened to kill me and said "Pay it or don't pay it", etc...He became violent and told me to stay out of his private life! I was expected to pay for everything, take care of everything, all the while living in fear and isolation.
My life is much better now that he has gone. I am able to budget, go places and have fun, follow my dreams, take care of myself and my health, and come home to greater peace, order and safety. Taking precautions to protect my interests has been extremely beneficial. Please take care of yourself.
I hope that you feel better. I know it is harder to cope when you are physically unwell. Please be good to yourself. Your new and improved life is going to be awesome!
Best to you,
Changing
P.S. I adore how you told him off - "Hollywood", "need to take a pill to be married to him" etc. So funny- wish I had said that!
C.
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