I was driven by guilt. I felt totally controlled by my mother. My life was not my own and hadn't been for years. When I was 42 I had a breakdown......a REAL breakdown. I had had it. I was so angry at my mother for interfering with my life. Of course, I was labelled unstable and that I had problems. I wore that label for quite some time and didn't argue that point - I WAS unstable.
So I started researching "Controlling Parents" on the internet. I read the book IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS by Neuharth and it identified the term Narcississm. I continued to do searches on the internet. For once I had a diagnoses for my MOM. It wasn't me. It wasn't my brother. WE were NOT the ones with the problem - my mom is. To this day (five years later) I still fight her. I say things to her like, "I am not the one with the problem." "I have done tons of research and I have found......" I have never labelled her an N to her face.....
How I know she is an N? She craves the limelight. She was successful in a MLM company as I was growing up. She made lots of money and when she walked into a room people would stop talking and look and take pictures. During the time she was so successful (when I was 6 until 34) she never attended a parent/teacher conference. She never went to a class party. She only once went to see me cheerlead. When a judge from cheerleading came up to me and told me the try outs were rigged and I went and told my mom, she was like, "Oh well....life is not fair." Now if something happens like that to my kids I am the first one on the phone yelling INJUSTICE!!!
We run a business that is not profitable. I say she runs it with smoke and mirrors. If the cash flow isn't there, she puts it in. She loves everyone to THINK we are successful, when we are not.
She wouldn't let me divorce my husband after 26 affairs..he was a liar and a cheater and a stealer....I could go on and on about him but she would say "hate the sin and not the sinner..." Oh yes, her pious religion shoved down our throat was also a burden on us. The perfection she required of us was impossible so both my brother and I turned to drugs and alcohol.....we were going to hell. The devil had gotten ahold of us. Really what made us turn to drugs was escape from an impossibly negative and critical parent. We were supposed to be perfect to shine brightly on her - sorry to disappoint you, mom, but your neglect reflected poorly on you!!
It was when I had finally divorced my H and was going out with another loser and I tried to break it off with him and not only did she try to save him but she gave him a job and let him live in her home.....she really chose HIS well being over mine. THAT is when I snapped at 42.
So most of you know I work with the wench and I have a pretty poor working relationship with her. We are trying to mend the personal fence but it is trying. She doesn't really like me and I really don't like her. She is self absorbed. I no longer beat to her drum but it took me YEARS@!!!! AND LOTS OF ANGST AND LOTS OF RESEARCH TO FINALLY GET OVER IT!!!