About Stormchild-my thoughts

[Bella_French]

Dear Lighter,

Oh thankyou so much for the humour; I'm only now at the stage where I can laugh (a little) about it, because the last death is a few months behind me now. I've been all twisted up about it and thinking evil thoughts for quite a while. Sometimes I find relief in the humor of my revenge fantasies; its really hard to deal with this. I get really attached to animals; I guess I feel so free to love them, because their needs are so simple and they never hurt me emotionally. So I loved these little ones with total abandon.

 I think the Neighbour guy was able to lure the babies to him, and either catch or poison them, as they were tamed by us and very trusting. In Australia, its illegal to kill these birds, as they are endangered. They are small black and white insectivores, with big personalites and who love being around people (and most people are thrilled when they find themselves living near them) . I was gutted when he told me he'd killed one of the friendly babies, and planned to kill more.

His reasoning for killing them, at the time, was that he thought it was illegal to feed wild birds, which is totally false. And what a jerk for thinking he's the bird-feeding   police anyway! Its just so weird that he's been paying so much close attention to my activities in the local forest, in any case.

I said to myself, I will let myself cool down before I retaliate. I want to be careful not to anything rash that would harm my partner, the birds, or myself. 

Thanks so much for listening, and for super-soaker advice, lol.

X bella

[lighter]

If you boil the water first... and add the sugar to make a simple syrup.... super soaker will work like a charm.

Now... I still don't get why this guy DID what he did.... his excuse made NO Sense at all and are you even sure he's not just jerkin your chain and saying he did this awful thing?

IF he did this... he is indeed disturbed and you should be careful.

I don't like the idea of him watching you in the forest... esp if you're alone... if you get my meaning.

[Bella_French]

I don't know what his deal is Lighter, but I think it was a personal attack on me, as I was the one he'd see feeding the birds occasionally. I'd catch him staring at me when I crossed the road from my house,  and sometimes he'd see the birds fly to me excitedly. I don't go to the forest  alone anymore, which is good because its more fun doing it with my partner and i feel safer.

I can only hope he was lying about killing the birds. The suspicious thing is that 2 of them died with two weeks of him saying he was going to kill them, and they were the most tame ones. We stopped feeling the survivors by hand, and tried to make them a bit more wary. And that totally sucked, because it takes a lot for a wild animal to trust a human, and it really hurts to betray the trust, even if its to protect them

And lol to your extra super soaker advice. It sounds like a good idea...funny, not too criminal, and yet effective. lol.

love to you lighter.you made me feel much better tonight. I haven't spoken about this before.

X Bella

[lighter]

If I was near.... I'd purchase the rodents and cockroaches.... boil the simple syrup, load the super soaker then dawn my trusty pith helmet, used for just such occassions, and help you feel even better.

::wiggling eyebrows::

Remember.... it's better to wonder what happened to gay mysogynist psycho boy.... and feel pity for him... than it is to hold the grudge for too long.

Be glad you aren't him.... and assume some psycho tortured him when he was little and defenseless.... but don't drop your gaurd.  Just work through the anger and let it go.

[Bella_French]

Thankyou Lighter;

That is such good advice. Overcoming this grudge will be hard, I think, because the guy is not exactly begging me for forgiveness or likely to stop killing the local birds.

But I just read reallyME's post about the phases of mourning, and a thought struck me: perhaps I'm holding onto this grudge because I'm still finding it hard to face the loss ?
Maybe its like a form of denial, or bargaining? I'll have to think on this one. Maybe I have to properly greive?

X Bella

[Iphi]

Bella this experience is so disturbing.  I am so incredibly disturbed by a guy who would intentionally kill birds because he has the opportunity as they are made vulnerable by trusting him.  Eww eww eww.

My sense of danger is going red alert reading about this guy, because he exhibits stalker behavior by monitoring you going into the woods.  Because he let you know he had killed some of the birds and intended to kill others.  It makes me think his object is to strike at you.  You had the relationship with the birds (envy/striking at your relationships), you are the one he watched, you are the one he told.  He is creepy as hell.

In your place I would feel a heightened sense of disgust and aversion and danger and I wouldn't be calling it a grudge and chiding myself because he is still a free and active force.  In retrospect I might want to let go of my grudge but my word - what a creep.  Be safe.

Did you report him to any authority for his killing the birds?

[Bella_French]

Dear Iphi,

Yes I rang the authorities, but they required photographic evidence, and wouldn't even talk to him without it,  so that was a waste of time. Theres nothing much I can do about the guy's ongoing behavior, and I've put so much thought into it, Iphi.

Its such a horrible feeling, being this powerless to help a family of birds I know and love. I've become a weird about this too; like every day I feel a bit stressed until I see all of the family, and that they're ok. This has been going on for months now.

I agree with your assessment of the guy. It deeply offends me that he would kill baby animals just to hurt a woman he hardly knows. Some people really just suck at being people.

Thanks so much for your care.

X Bella





 

[Certain Hope]

((((((Bella))))))) I read this last night and could not even comment.

I'm with Iphi... it just feels very deeply disturbing.

He not only claims to have done this horrible thing, but actually tells you that he did it? I don't like it one bit.

You know, when you reported this the first time, I imagine that your focus was on those poor little birds... and I understand that nothing could be done without evidence.
I just wonder whether you cannot make a fresh report about his watching you... making his presence known to you... that whole aspect of it. I do believe it's worth putting something in writing into the hands of the authorities.
Do you have a list of registered offenders available there?
Here we do, by state.
I think I'd try to find out whether he's ever been charged...
Sorry to be so dramatic, but that is how this whole thing strikes me... absolutely wicked.
Please take good care.

With love,
Carolyn

[cats paw]

  Lighter-  Thanks for awarding me points.  I'm not giving boots or bronze back.  I would, however, expect one and all to issue a   
               command to disarm myself if I ever abuse my amazonian tools.

  Bella-   It is so sad about those trusting little birds.  I'm with everyone else- about the guy being scary. What a shame you cannot
            go into the forest alone anymore.

  Izzy- When you said not to ever do that to you- did you mean for me not to, or anyone not to?  If it was not clear in what I wrote,
         I would not have done it this way with anyone else beside Stormchild, even though my intention was benign.  I think you
         were just speaking in general?           
         Way back when I was first on the board, I know you never intended for me to stop talking about some things about my own
         mother, but I wondered if some of the things I was saying were having an effect on you, and you said-in general-  you
         wondered about all us daughters on the board in reference to your daughter and yourself.   I made that decision on my
         own- to cut back on talking about my mother- perhaps it could be called codependent.  I just know that now, since you have
         your fence, as you put it, and you and your daughter are emailing, if I ever feel the need again, I will talk about what I need
         to about my own mother with much more ease.
         I just want to say I wouldn't do that to you- what you said about don't ever do that to me. 

    Stormchild- the way you spoke about me in third person was not hurtful.

    To All- I thought of a specific instance to illustrate what I was trying to describe.  I posted once and made a comment that my BF
             and I were talking and she said if a certain person was on fire at the end of her driveway, she wouldn't even p--- on them
             to put  them out.  I said that even if I saw Hitler on fire, I'd probably not think first, and I'd go grab her garden hose. ( I
             worked in the ER for many years.)
           
              Shortly after making that comment, I read some of Stormchild's commentary about deceptive self-disclosure.  I then
              proceeded with my cognitive distortions : Oh no, she's talking about me, how dishonest am I, she knows I really wouldn't
              do that in real life and she's writing about it, who do I think I am, etc. etc.

              Does my initial post make a bit more sense?

cats paw
               
               

[Bella_French]

Dear Catspaw,

I'm so sorry to have hijacked your thread...it all just came tumbling out, and I thank you for being so patient with me. And thank you for your kind words too.

And Carolyn, thanks for your advice. I will think about that some more! Hugs to you:).

Catspaw,

Yes, I think your initial post makes sense, and I think you are very honest and observant, when it comes to reading Storm's more triggering blogs. I haven't read them, so i can't comment, I'm afraid. It sounds like the sort of content that would arouse anger in a lot of people, who are not ready to embrace their inner darkness. It doesn't mean they're bad people tough...they're just not ready.

X Bella

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi everybody,

This thread will be locked soon.  Please see my note on the thread:  Is it ok to say: "I hate you."?

Best,

Richard

[cats paw]

Bella,

   Thanks, but no worries about hijacking!  I like the interesting turns threads take.

    I'm feeling reassured that you understood my initial post and I appreciate your kindness in your saying it.

cats paw