Other avenues

[Anna]

I'm confused as to whether this board is only pertaining to NPD or not.  I don't believe that my childhood voicelessness arose from N parents, but rather codependent mother/alcoholic father.  I'm 43 and struggle daily to allow myself a voice.  In either case, the resulting symptoms of voicelessness are the same.  Lack of worth was huge for me.  Relationship problems, etc etc   At 41 I was diagnosed with throat cancer and almost had to lose my voice for life.  Ironic since I didn't have a voice to begin with.  So...... a message from my body!  Wake up!    Anyway, I look forward to reading my way through these messages.  Peace.

[CC]

Hi Anna, your visit at this NPD board is not farfetched at all.  In fact, many NPDs are alchoholics to boot (my mother is one).

Interesting that you have this throat thing, with the voicelessness and all.  I don't think it's coincidence at all.  My allergies manifest themselves in my throat -a post nasal drip in the back that causes me to constantly clear my throat, and I grind my teeth at night (my therapist connects the clenched-jaws with the defense mechanism of holding back my words = voicelessness).   I really believe that most ailments are psychologically related.  If we have a weakness in one area, it manifests itself in the corresponding body part. Many of us carry our stress and traumas in our bodies.

Welcome. Please visit my next post  for more info which I will be adding for everyone's benefit who might be interested.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Anna,

This board serves the voiceless, no matter what the source.  I would love to hear your story--and so would many others who come from backgrounds similar to yours.  Welcome aboard!

[rosencrantz]

Welcome Anna - I've been overjoyed with the truth that I've found for myself on this board.  I'm still a long way from finding a 'vocal' voice but the opportunity to write and share thoughts has been immensely healing and empowering (sometimes painful!).  

May you find healing in sharing your story, too.  

And, yes, I grind my teeth, too, and my throat gets constricted when I react to the things people say ('it took my breath away').  It's diagnosed as asthma.

[Lyshorathi]

Hello Anna, and welcome.

I don't grind my teeth, but I do experience severe, stress-related stomach pain.  I've to think of it as my little invisible ulcer, rearing it ugly head whenever I've gotten myself in too deep.  I know it sounds a little odd, but I think this is because I wasn't allowed to eat anything unless my mother approved it first, even if I starving.

Fortunately, my mother's creativity didn't extend to how she hid her chocolate stash.  

[mary]

I grind my teeth also.  It makes my mouth hurt sometimes so much I think I have a really bad cavity.  My dentist had me go to the sports department  and buy a mouth guard that you put in boiling water and then put it in your mouth and bite down and it fits you exactly.  He has me use that at night.  It is wonderful.  When I am realy stressed out I make sure to use it and it has stopped my mouth pain.  My dentist says that grinding your teeth can kill the nerve in the tooth so it is important to do something.  The guard is very inexpensive and really does work well.

[CC]

Mary, what sports department do you mean?  My dentist said he would have to outsource a fitting for me to have a guard to the tune of $300.  However, I am leary of the Home kits you can get at the drugstore because I heard if you set it wrong yourself it can screw up your bite permanently.  I am interested in your alternative.  I kept thinking I would stop grinding my teeth when I had "resolved all my rage issues" because it just started two years ago.  Unfortunately that hasn't happened so I may have to (pardon the pun) bite the bullet    and pay the $300.

[mary]

I went to Academy and found mine. There are several kinds to choose from.  My particular ones are pink almost transparent soft  flexable plastic.  Two came in a package for less than $3 (If I remember correctly)  It is used  for some mouth protection while playing sports and if you ask they can help you find it.  It was really easy to fit and I can hardly believe the difference this "cushion" has made for me. I looked for the softest one I could find and after I  boiled it and fitted it I cut some of it down with sissors until I really felt comfortable with the fit.   My dentist said he could make a thing for me that would keep me from grinding my teeth or I could try this.  I am still grinding but this keeps my teeth from actually grinding on each other.  The pain has gone. At times before I got this thing my teeth even seemed a little loose from all the grinding.  All those problems are gone now.   Some nights I can feel my jaws almost locked on this thing because  I am so uptight but it still protects me.  One thing when I first started using it sometime in the middle of the night in my sleep I would take the thing out and throw it across the room.  After awhile I got used to it and stopped doing that!

[Anna]

Thanks so kindly for the warm welcome.  I do appreciate it so much.

I grind my teeth at night
LOL -- Recently I clenched my jaw so tightly in class that the left side of my face went numb!  Fortunately, I was still in rehab and they were able to provide me with relief.  But I definitely grind my teeth as well.  It's all done in my effort to push things down.  How fascinating that we share many of these common symptoms or related ones.   I do not believe in coincidences anymore either.   As a matter of fact, my close friend (and neighbor) has a N husband.  I see and hear first-hand the cruelty she and her boys endure daily.  Her young son reminds me of me -- can't make decisions!   This is one of the ways it begins I tell her -- not safe to want or express what you want.  I encourage her to give him his voice.  I know that you understand how he doesn't want to displease his dad...

Dr. Grossman, during my recovery within these last two years, I wrote to you personally and shared some of my story when I found your website.  You may or may not remember, but you answered my email with true compassion and encouragement.  Thank you for that.  I didn't forget...  it's because of people like you who have shown me support, and a different way of being, that I feel I'm now ready to give back to the community.  Thanks again....I am so happy to be part of your group.

[Nico but really Nic oops!]

Welcome,
please know that my mother is an alcoholic too..and my father was a pharmacist who kept her well supplied with narcotics for many years as well as other pharmcaceuticals..
I don't think I grind my teeth..but I have stomach problems at times and have had a weight problem ( now going away..refer to my post on that).  I do have tightness in my throat from time to time.
Don't forget, the literature supports that alcoholism, although a disease often is the result of an underlying psychiatric pathology which remains undiagnosed.  Perhaps your mother is a closet N?  in my case I have found that the real N in my family is my father ( he used to blame everything on my mother first) and my mom became an N or was one to begin with  (LOL) I don't know anymore for sure.  The less contact I have with them the less I care.  
Nice to have you aboard,
Kind regards,
Nic

[Anna]

Once again, thanks for the welcome.  In fact, thanks to everyone who's posted on this forum -- your insight, sharing your lives, and the links have proven invaluable to me.  My head is spinning and my stomach is churning.  I have to wonder if my burning desire to "learn" has been a quest to prove to myself that all this did happen.  There is so much that I don't recall apparently; and there is so much that I say "yes, but she........."  A victim protecting the perpetrator.  

My hands are shaking as I'm typing because I completely recognize my mother in many of these NPD traits -- specifically, arrogant, haughty, patronizing, contemptuous, negative, pessimistic, cynical, insulting, emotionally abusive, totally alienating friends/family, secretive, no sense of humor except for sarcastic jabs, totally authoritarian, perfect facade.  I could go on....  So maybe I'm actually on the same avenue after all!!  Who knew?!  No coincidences.  

*sigh* Never love something that doesn't love you back.  Isn't my husband capable of loving me????????? Well, I keep insisting to him (and to myself!) that he is capable.  25 years of insistence actually.  I think this is may be the tip of the iceberg.  I fear that I have had some DEEP denial for a long long time.  Years of therapy have only scratched the surface.  

Recently I went for EMDR therapy and make some very interesting progress.  However, I think it stirred up some dangerous *stuff* and I fled.  The picture is becoming more clear.  

So again dear new friends, keep posting!  I am working my way through the posts a little at a time; that's all I can manage with these revelations at this point.