To everyone:
I have been troubled by this all weekend, and I feel I need to clear the air.
Please know that I am not trying to perpetuate any drama, and plan to lock this thread.
I wanted to acknowledge and apologize to a few others here who I think have been deeply hurt by relational aggression on the board as I stood as silent witness.
I tend to see patterns. I do believe that what I was observing was a pattern that has occurred about 4 or 5 times now.
I am not naming names, because I don’t want to dredge up anything from the past that has long been gone. Those who were affected know who you are.
I am sorry I silently stood by and said nothing, although my gut was telling me something was not right with the picture of words I was seeing.
I think that the reason I am speaking up know, is that Dismayed’s post reminded me of my mother, who was a silent witness to all my father did to me. Not only was she a silent witness, she frequently crossed over to enabler, collaborator, or aggressor.
It struck me with Dismayed’s post that I too was a silent witness – I was doing exactly what my mother did to me, and the pain of that as a child was unbearable. I refuse to repeat that pattern when I suspect harm is being done whether that harm is being done knowingly or unknowingly.
And that is the part that is also troubling me. In refusing the path of silence, I have created more pain. I realize that we are all walking wounded to some extent, and it is most likely that the pattern I believe I saw in the words of others was driven by their own wounds, which is heartbreakingly sad.
It is almost as though negative emotions have a life force their own. One is deeply wounded and whether knowingly or (as I suspect in most cases) unknowingly passes that wound on again and again and again.
I carefully considered the consequences of that post, as I did not want to cause any harm. But I could not be my mother and stand idly by whilst someone was being hurt.
I am sorry if I have caused pain to anyone involved, for any drama I caused, and to those of you who I did not speak up for before. I truly regret that.
Much love to you all from one of the walking wounded,
Peace
PS. Dismayed thank you for your post on relational aggression. I learned a lot from it, especially in the context of my family.
