In my initial post on this thread, I launched directly into the portion of the book about
the interpersonal characteristics of unsafe people, which
should actually have been the second segment. oops.
I think that the first part is still worth reviewing,so... here it is
It's noted that unsafe people can be particularly difficult to spot...
"Quite often, unsafe people appear winsome and promising, and their character problems are often subtle.
So how do we know whom to trust?
While there are many different kinds of unsafe people, many of them fall under three categories:
the abandoners,
the critics,
and the irresponsibles.
Abandoners
are people who can start a relationship, but who can't finish it.
They begin with statements about companionship and commitment, but they leave us when we need them most.
Often, abandoners have been abandoned themselves. Sometimes, afraid of true closeness, they prefer shallow aquaintances.
Others are looking for perfect friends, and they leave when the cracks start showing.
Abandoners destroy trust. Those they leave in their wake are apt to say, "I'll never have anyone who will be there for me."
This is a far cry from God's ideal, that we be "rooted and established in love." (Ephesians 3:17)
And those who continually pick abandoners often become depressed, develop compulsive behaviors, or worse.
Critics
are people who take a parental role with everyone they know. They are judgmental, speak the truth without love, and have no room for grace or forgiveness.
They are more concerned with confronting errors than they are with making connections.
For example, they often jump on doctrinal and ethical bandwagons (which are important) and neglect issues of love, compassion,
and forgiveness.
They often confuse weakness with sinfulness, and therefore condemn others when they have problems.
Critics tend to point the finger outside, rather than at themselves. They will sometimes become indignant at the troubles others cause, and
propose solutions like, "think, feel, believe, and act like my group" as the cure-all.
Critics often deeply love truth and righteousness. Because they are clear thinkers, they can be good people to go to for information.
But don't go to them for relationship, for their truth often comes poisoned with judgmentalism.
If you're attracted to critical people, you may find relief in their clarity of thought and purity of vision, but you'll also find yourself
guilt-ridden, compliant, and unable to make mistakes without tremendous anxiety.
Next time... the irresponsibles. (My personal favorite
)
