Phoenix, I am sorry that you are being accused of doing something that you didn't do. Believe me, I know what that feels like.
Ltl- People profess that others are in denial while denying. What can I say?
The fact that P (according to her ramble thread) was screaming "submit" at her pc, with such gusto and serious desire, indicates clearly her aim to control the topic of this thread, just as my sister's desire was to control the future of my family.
So too, as P stated she "does not want to empathize" while demanding that I go away and come back when I (in her humble opinion, mind you) am able to "empathize", shows plainly the contradictory, confusing, chaotic, demanding, impossible to please etc behaviour that any n might display.
The judgemental accusations, the abusive language, the name calling, none of that is verbal abuse? Who denies this?
Sorry, no disrespect meant P, just my observation. It is one thing to wish to have control over one's own situation, one's own life, one's own thread on a message board, and quite another to try to take control- of somebody else's. I don't mean to hurt your feelings by saying this.
And I am sorry for speaking about a subject that you disagree with but unfortunately, as much as you wish to deny it, it is my right to do so. You do not have to read this thread. There is no one holding you down and forcing you to do so. It is your choice.
It was not me who transferred the focus, the subject of my thread, to my decision (which by the way, was my right to make) to remain married to my husband. I began to speak about my pain and my losses and I was trying to say, which I may not have done to your liking, or clearly enough at all, that the greatest pain I am suffering still, after all of this time, is the hurt and the anger, the shock and confusion, the many and profuse feelings that have been generated due to the loss of the relationship I thought I had with my sister. I love my sister but I cannot help her. I have never been able to help her. I wish I could help her. And even as you disagree with my wanting to discuss this subject, you deny that it is my right to do so.
Patsy: I am so sorry that it has taken this long for me to reply to your post. I hear your kindness and loving heart being voiced. I do greatly appreciate your effort. I will not begin to answer your questions here. I will say only that some of the things you have stated are also, assumptions that are incorrect. I am very sure that most people make assumptions (I do it myself and judgements too) but the great denial I hear here, in this thread, is that these assumptions people are making are now fact. Assumptions are not fact. You have asked some questions which I will answer, Patsy, but I can't see your post right now because I am responding to Phoenix's post, so that will have to be done later. I don't know how to look at your post, while responding to Phoenix's and I can't remember your questions.
I am not at all familiar with how to view stuff, add quotes, and I couldn't make the colour blue and large, P, even if I wanted to because I don't know how. I have never been to this board before. I am not someone else, I am Somebody (not Phoenix). (And I am sorry for the confusion I caused you Phoenix by using the name Snarl, which you will see how it came to be mine, if you look back to a previous post of mine- but you have shown me that I must not use that name, because it is too confusing for those who may not have time to read this whole thread, or who may miss that particular information. I am Somebody and I will use that name from now on).
I am not one of your old enemies, P. I am not known to you P, and that paranoia, I suspect, is also part of n-ness. Is it? Boy, could I tell you stories about that paranoia in my family!
Ltl, you are so very clearly stating that it is so much better to think before opening your mouth, and so very good at doing that. I agree to disagree, civilly (I wish I could spell), with you, if necessary, at times, and I do greatly appreciate the respectful way you try to get your point across. It is truly admirable behaviour.
I was out of town from July 27th until Aug 8th and I did my share of thinking about what's gone on here. The power struggle is now over. I have decided that I will not allow this bullying that has occurred here, to continue to be the name of this game, so to speak. I have so far, not been banned, which indicates to me that I am correct to assume that I do have a right to speak. I am doing my very best to be thoughtful before doing so (which is also a quality, P, part of the skill of speaking without causing harm to others. It is not something to be criticized). Calmness, does not indicate a lack of emotion, P. I'm speaking to you because it seems you may have somehow acquired that idea. Gentle words do not indicate a lack of emotion either, P. Nor do kind, respectful, or otherwise compassionate words. These words indicate very clearly, a person's desire to speak their thoughts and emotions, without causing harm. Please do not be insulted. Swearing is verbal abuse. You cannot redefine verbal abuse to suit your needs. If swearing were not deemed so, then we would all be happily raising our kids by constantly swearing at them, and our teachers would have gone to great ends to teach us the most descriptive ways of using and the correct way of spelling -our swear words. (Can you picture that? What fun that would be eh?).
I am not trying to harm you P. I have no ill will against you and I am speaking directly to you because you are indeed the first person on this thread to begin swearing at me, which is verbal abuse, which you cannot define otherwise, or find any justification for doing. It is wrong to swear at a person simply because you disagree with a decision they have made in their life and it is wrong to do so with the complete and utter disregard for that person's emotional state, or without concerning yourself with the effect your words may have. I am very sorry P, but I must inform of this fact because it seems to me, that you deny it, maybe, because you are not aware of it.
You are a good person P. That is my best bet. You have been through some very, very tough times and I am positive that I do not know very much about your experience at all. I do not mean to cause you grief but I do mean, very clearly and very simply, to point out to you that you have no right to lash out at me. You have a right to disagree but an obligation, as a good person, to disagree in a respectful manner.
You are not in charge of deciding who may speak about what, as far as I can see. I have not come here, to this place, to start any kind of war, to generate some big explosive emotional thread. It was you, P, who exploded in anger and emotionally swore at me. I am very sorry that you did that, but I do forgive you. I have done the same thing myself, sometimes, I do admit.
You may decide not to respond to me and just keep posting on this thread or you may decide to do any number of other things. Those are your choices. I do suggest, that you put great thought into your next decision and that whatever it may be, you present it, in a respectful, non-verbally-abusive manner. I suggest that you stop trying to justify swearing at people (along with all the many other examples of verbal abuse on this thread-best to stop trying to justify it as "emotional" expression). I suggest that you do your very best to express yourself in a way that will generate respect for you, in others, rather than encourage them to behave disrespectfully. You are a great example to others, P. Don't blow it by staying stuck in swear-mode, in disrespect-mode, in belittle, degrade, n-mode. You're only fooling yourself.
