Hi, everybody.
My name is Erin and I live in rural Illinois. I have a husband Ted and one son, 8 years old. I love both of them dearly. They are both very good, wonderful people, and they deserve far better than me. I am an exotic dancer by trade, but a scientist by training. I am a US Army veteran. I home-school my son. My hobbies include gardening, karaoke, and cooking. I am a lousy housekeeper. I love animals, especially horses, and I love nature. I am 40 years old.
I came here from the other DONM board after it got shut down. I have a ton of issues, most of them brought on my my NMother Madame Puppet Master and her utter unwillingness to do one single thing that inconvenienced her or interfered with her pathological, selfish desire to "Keep up appearances.". She abused me, physically, sexually, and emotionally. She allowed everyone and their dog to do anything they wanted to do to me, and I was not allowed to retaliate. (And I do literally mean everybody and their dog--one demented paper route customer actually turned his dogs on me. I had to fight them off with rolled-up newspapers. I called the police to make a report, and all she cared about was what would the neighbors think to see the squads in our driveway. She would not sign off on the police report.)
Thanks to the abuse and NM's crazy-making behaviors, I developed multiple personalities, which persisted until I was about 30. I also have food and body image issues; issues with trusting myself, my perceptions, and other people; and chronic depression. I try very hard to be a good wife and mother, but I feel I fall short frequently.
I still hang out with NM and spend a lot of time kissing her ass. I do it mainly for financial reasons. She has no personality whatsoever, but she loves throwing money around (not that she earned it. Her second husband earned it when he was married to his first wife, who died.) I spent my entire childhood with second-hand and "good-enough" things because she was the only mother I knew who refused to work. She does not spend a lot of money on me (although she did buy me a car to avoid admitting what a pathetic waste of a mother she was), but she loves to shower it on my son. It makes her feel "generous." My husband and I work our butts off for what we have, and I really have no qualms about letting NM buy Kiddo a new cub scout uniform or hockey gear. It is really the only thing I can depend on from her.
I have spent a lot of years in recovery from abuse, eating disorders, etc. I think I am turning out OK.
