Hi Les, et al !
So great to see your name here - you were quiet for a bit, and I was fearful that you had a rotten Thanksgiving weekend, with NM, as did I.
I'm afraid that if I start to write, I'll never stop, and I don't want to be a bother, but : My boundaries are being challeneged every day and I am using all my energy to try to have them respected. And I am almost frantic wanting to use my energy for my own life, my own goals, my own dreams - call me crazy for wanting that! My life with my dearH seems to have been left behind.
At Thanksgiving, dearH and I stayed overnite with NM and, as always, it was very draining. She talked non-stop about how wonderful she is, and as God is my witness, I might have said ten things the entire two days, but never a complete sentence. NM just talked over top of me, about herself, and I became a smiling bobble-head. The only good thing is that this time I was more of an observer, and dearH said I was quite aloof, but nM didn't notice. I think I have put up the invisible walls that kept me safe when I was a kid. Plus, I am rapidly losing respect for her, and am actually becoming somewhat indifferent - and that is a big step, I feel.
So, just when I think I am learning to cope with that situation, there seems to be another huge N in my life. DearH noticed what I had suspected : an old friend has just moved to our city to be near us, and she is draining me, and trampling my boundaries - she doesn't even see them - can you hear my silent scream from there? We lived together when we were in our twenties, footloose and fancy free, then went different directions. Well, she is a single mom now, daughter at UofT, so she decided to live her own life, and here she is bag and baggage, moving this week, five minutes away...and very needy (but needy because of her constantly poor decisions, trying to live on alimony instead of working to support herself, etc.). I tried to be helpful when she came and stayed for days at a time, house hunting all summer, and dH and I noticed that she never lifted a finger. At first, it was understandable b/c she was making a huge life change, but now we notice that she feels entitled to be treated like a Queen. H and I have worked our butts off for every thing we have, and she wants to ride our coat-tails. My dear H says : 'How did we end up with another N in our lives, as if NM wasn't enough?' She says I am her best friend, and the only one she has - no pressure there!? (small family, all out West)
So, I now am trying to put up some boundaries to protect my energy and my health, but I am exhausted by her, on top of nM.
There are people who appreciate my love and kindness, and those who take it for granted. There are people who, no matter how heavy the load, still leave my soul feeling full and inspired, and that is the feeling of Love - but unfortunately, my NFriend is draining me, instead, for I seem to be invisible to her, other than a supplier for her needs.
You and this group, no matter what the issue, leave me feeling strong and healthy inside, for we listen to one another, try to help one another grow and heal, and most importantly, we acknowledge one another. I have a huge heart, and love to help others, without expecting anything in return, but at the moment, I still have some major healing to do, and my little well is almost dry.
In the past year, I have helped NM and NFriend through life-changing events, but they both have sucked me dry, because it is never enough, they always want more of me. Well, I've had the biscuit.
Hope this isn't interpreted as whiny. I have put my life On Hold for the past year for these two N's (three N's counting my Late NDad) - and I say Enough Already!!!
Anyhow, that's the sort of thing I have been grappling with lately.
But, I'm still alive and kicking and erecting boundaries as fast as I can!
Re: Black! My favourite colour, after black, is red. I also wear a lot of denim, like longish denim skirts, etc. Today, I'll try a red scarf at my neck. I read that wearing Red at the throat area brings power to our voice, so that's a great place to start wearing colour.
