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Ellie

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« on: October 21, 2004, 04:50:37 PM »
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satori

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« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2004, 04:53:32 PM »
that's a great idea, but would my parents even notice I'd been replaced??  :lol:
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Anonymous

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Let's Switch Families!
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2004, 07:15:39 PM »
Well...shucks...  I don't need to trade off.  Anyone can have my old Nmom all free and clear.   :D  I will even arrange for delivery.
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Ellie

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« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2004, 11:18:45 PM »
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Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2004, 01:15:25 AM »
Quote from: Ellie


We would probably stand up for ourselves to a perfect stranger who said things to us our Nmoms are saying and doing. So trading off, we could at least verbally punish each others Nmoms and Ndads for each other.


Hi Ellie,

 I just read your thread tonight. After cutting off contact with my parents there are times I wish I could use on them what I've learned  and see their reactions. But I think I couldn't keep it up because I was so trained to be their dog.  I'm going to plug in someone else doing it for me in my imagination like you suggest here.  Like here you come Ellie on your motorcycle from Colorado up to Oregon to turn the tables on my Nmom. You walk in the door and when my Nmom ignores you and talks to everyone else (like she really did to me at times), you speak up and say, hey, would you like to talk, I see something is bothering you, maybe I could help. When NMom does her twisty little double talk you give her straight talk defeating each of her twists and turns of illogic. Also she asks "haven't we been having a lot of rain lately? And you see her plot to get you to agree so she can then disagree and you say, "Is that how the weather seems to you?" and question her back.

  Yeah, I could get into imaging you taking her on and doing the job she needs done to her - being challenged point by point in daily life so that she can't get away with her abuse. I like the thought of someone standing up to her like that.

  Your family seems really kind of scary to me somehow. I guess I would have to wear armor and a silver cross and garlic. lol I guess I would send a deprogrammer to them to take them on as a substitute for me.
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flower

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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2004, 01:16:51 AM »
The board logged me out again!  That was my post above.
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Ellie

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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2004, 10:57:54 AM »
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flower

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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2004, 11:50:07 PM »
Quote from: Ellie
Hi Flower,
You're right, my family seems scary, but I think it's just their actions towards me. My friends always thought they were weird, they say things off the wall and expect everyone to accept their view. But none of my friends were ever afriad of them. They just disliked them or had no respect for them. Everytime someone wanted to stand up for me I would stop them for fear my parents would hurt them, but I really think I was afriad my parents would kill me for revealing our dirty secrets.


Hi Ellie,
I guess it is just my imagination of what it would be like to have parents like yours that is scary to me.
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Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2004, 11:14:46 AM »
greetings everyone,

This thread is interesting to me because I think it points out the whole dynamic between chosen and given relationships with Ns.  Ns think they own family members and can get away with their bad behavior.  Ie, they believe we can't leave them as a consequence of their actions because "blood is thicker than water".  Sort of a guarantee of ongoing interaction.

Ns behave a bit better (sometimes  :roll: ) with outsiders because the outsider is having an optional relationship with N.  I think the abuse trots out when N perceives no option for the other.  Examples: family members, students, inmates, etc.  

Our friends know they have options to see or not see our N parents.  There's no perception of Nparents' power over them.  N parent does not have something they want or that they can't get elsewhere.  So no threat.  It isn't a problem because our friends would have nothing to lose by telling our Nparent to get lost.

Just some thoughts.  Best, Seeker
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kat

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« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2004, 08:18:22 PM »
This thread is interesting to me too.  While my nmom can hold it together for a short while it would be interesting to watch someone stand up to her.

I figure they'd have to deal with tears and attempted manipulation.  In the long run, the person trading parents would be stronger, and the nmom might realize she's the problem.

Their friends realize they're a bit odd - and go away for a while before coming back to deal with the manipulation.  It would be an interesting experiment.
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