Down at the event, some people had pizza, where was it coming from, watching a slide show related to volunteer accomplishments and projects (cool stuff)....but where is the pizza..so I ended up slinking around the back of the building in the dark cold night and there is someone making the pizza so I stood in front of the fire and I talked with him out there just the two of us...and my heart did flutter.
~I don't know why I am writing this. I don't expect anything would come of it, I guess it's just that I do feel like I am missing out big time on all the good things in life that make life worth living like love and romance and being excited about life and looking forward.
~It's not so much that he was extremely attractive or any such thing. It was that for the first time in months I felt really understood by another human being. And then I just stood there are stared at him flattening out pizza dough with his hands because I pretty much have a food fetish.
~Few days after the event I was walking down the sidewalk and out of a blue sky flash rain started falling. I turned back around, retraced my steps towards where I began so I could pick up my umbrella and he came walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street. He was going out to his car and as soon as he got to his car he turned right back around and walked back into the building where the event had been held. As quickly as the rain had started the rain went away and I decided to turn around again and continue my original path with out the umbrella.....my mind has a fantastical part that wants to believe...oh things happen for a reason, and there are no accidents, and my mind even wants to entertain.... "meant to be".... But I absolutely KNOW better. Even if I am part of the great mystery of life..nobody ever said that the great mystery is going to be GREAT for everybody.
It was about the third time that I crossed paths with him after the event and at one point a couple of times he was looking at me from across the street but I was in my freaked out zone of "my father is dying" so I broke eye contact quickly. Actually that is something I normally do with everybody I don't maintain a lot of eye contact unless it is a friend. I guess I was suppose to smile and wave or something but I was hauling ass down to a clinic to try to get some therapy.
Probably that is about as close to romance as I get...looking at someone from across the other side of the street and being chased by some sort of anxiety or other.
SAVE