So I guess my five minute Boy Friend is gone'ish. He is probably trying to be gone, going, going, maybe he is working on fading away after calling me and texting me every morning and evening with all this naive like charm. I thought whoa, slow down dude. Now I haven't heard much from him, he texted me today though. This really went on longer than I had expected, maybe he had hope for a booty call. I don't know, he said some non-sense about wanting a relationship, and I think I made it clear that I couldn't have a relationship.
Really he probably doesnt want a relationship but says he does, and even though I say I can't have one I probably do want one.
On top of that though nobody wants to have a relationship with somebody like me. I (me, myself and I) don't wish to have a relationship with me. IF that sounds like self-pitty I don't give a cr@p. I have a right to want somebody in my life. I can't put everything on hold forever.
Can't I just be his weirdo, bohemian, oddling friend? No, probably not. How different am I really from people who are loved I ask myself. I get these lines of reasoning that come to my mind and I just think "am I unlovable"...anyways I will let it go for now.
I dislike this stuff a little passing ember of a spark is worse almost than none at all. Right!? There is a song that says that "a taste of honey is worse than none at all".
Heck anyways, I should of lied, lied, lied, maybe I would have had somebody hugging me on Christmas.
Hay, the BeachBoys sang frosty the snowman